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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 708695" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I thought I knew my son--all of my sons--but I could never ever have imagined that he would sleep under a bridge and sit on carboard in front of the McDonalds 1/2 mile from my house, begging. So...as it turns out, I don't know him. I love him, and there are parts of him I see clearly and know,but there is much I cannot and will never know. He is, in fact, a stranger to me.</p><p>I think a lot of us struggle with the belief that we know them, that we can help them, that we will uncover the path to making them better BECAUSE WE LOVE AND KNOW THEM SO WELL. But, as is often pointed out, they aren't our babies any more, not the sweet huggy things with the wide smalls, not the promising young musicians or students. At some point they went underground from us, and it is unlikely that we know them or understand them anymore. </p><p>My son is a stranger to me. I don't know when he is lying, or why. I don't know what his goals are. Oddly, that is OK. ONCe I could let go of the split that that belief caused, the frustration at the seeming irrationality of his decisions (because if I knew him, then his decisions should make some kind of sense in the framework of what I knew, right? but they never did) I became more peaceful. I love him. I don't know him. I don't know what motivates him. So I have no expectations. And it is better for both of us this way. We have more peace between us.</p><p>My heart hurts for you, Cat. But I hope you have hope that you will feel better at some point.</p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 708695, member: 17269"] I thought I knew my son--all of my sons--but I could never ever have imagined that he would sleep under a bridge and sit on carboard in front of the McDonalds 1/2 mile from my house, begging. So...as it turns out, I don't know him. I love him, and there are parts of him I see clearly and know,but there is much I cannot and will never know. He is, in fact, a stranger to me. I think a lot of us struggle with the belief that we know them, that we can help them, that we will uncover the path to making them better BECAUSE WE LOVE AND KNOW THEM SO WELL. But, as is often pointed out, they aren't our babies any more, not the sweet huggy things with the wide smalls, not the promising young musicians or students. At some point they went underground from us, and it is unlikely that we know them or understand them anymore. My son is a stranger to me. I don't know when he is lying, or why. I don't know what his goals are. Oddly, that is OK. ONCe I could let go of the split that that belief caused, the frustration at the seeming irrationality of his decisions (because if I knew him, then his decisions should make some kind of sense in the framework of what I knew, right? but they never did) I became more peaceful. I love him. I don't know him. I don't know what motivates him. So I have no expectations. And it is better for both of us this way. We have more peace between us. My heart hurts for you, Cat. But I hope you have hope that you will feel better at some point. Echo [/QUOTE]
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