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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 708748" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>This made my heart ache, in a way that I have to say I try to avoid...</p><p></p><p>but at the same time there is something nice about remembering that little boy with the wide smile. I too, can feel his warm wiggly body sometimes. I'm glad I had that. I'm glad he had that. Its good to remember that.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We do. Some of my kids are quite overt about not wanting to have children, and I remain silent. I am glad I had my children, all of them, but still. My sister has an extremely large adult disabled child, completely dependent upon her and big enough that if he sits in a chair it will splinter. She would not say this but I would say it has ruined her life. He will be with her till she dies and he is a financial and emotional and physical disaster. Our society is not prepared for that at all, and she is substantially on her own dealing with him. Yes, a lottery. But then I guess that is true of much of life.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, SWOT, that is so. I also think, when I write about not knowing my son, that my mother didn't know an awful lot of things about me (and was happier that way! and so was I!) but still...they way we don't know these kids is different. The chasm is deeper. There is more loss there. But yes, the perspective that we all change is helpful. And whatever the degree...it is what it is. It is a thing in our lives to accept. We don't understand. We cannot change them. But we can change ourselves, and our relationship to them to something healthier and better. That is where this forum helped me so very much.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 708748, member: 17269"] This made my heart ache, in a way that I have to say I try to avoid... but at the same time there is something nice about remembering that little boy with the wide smile. I too, can feel his warm wiggly body sometimes. I'm glad I had that. I'm glad he had that. Its good to remember that. We do. Some of my kids are quite overt about not wanting to have children, and I remain silent. I am glad I had my children, all of them, but still. My sister has an extremely large adult disabled child, completely dependent upon her and big enough that if he sits in a chair it will splinter. She would not say this but I would say it has ruined her life. He will be with her till she dies and he is a financial and emotional and physical disaster. Our society is not prepared for that at all, and she is substantially on her own dealing with him. Yes, a lottery. But then I guess that is true of much of life. Yes, SWOT, that is so. I also think, when I write about not knowing my son, that my mother didn't know an awful lot of things about me (and was happier that way! and so was I!) but still...they way we don't know these kids is different. The chasm is deeper. There is more loss there. But yes, the perspective that we all change is helpful. And whatever the degree...it is what it is. It is a thing in our lives to accept. We don't understand. We cannot change them. But we can change ourselves, and our relationship to them to something healthier and better. That is where this forum helped me so very much. Echo [/QUOTE]
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