HELP ME! I'm just about ready to throw in the towel!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nvts, May 29, 2009.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    First of all, difficult child 1 is in a bad way. We're titrating him off trileptal because of suicidal threats and threats of violence toward others. Let me tell you that historically, this has been his M.O. for years. Three different psychologists and 3 different psychiatrists have advised us that it's exactly that - a threat. His Aspiness, when feeling threatened, is not unlike animals in the wild - they puff up and make themselves look bigger and scarier than they are in real life to defend themselves.

    difficult child 1 is in a school for primarily emotionally disturbed children, mostly neglected and abused.

    The quotes that I got from him and difficult child 2 are frightening as to what different paras, teachers and crisis intervention "professionals" say to them on a regular basis. In short, they've threatened to come here and slap my face, the babies face, call ACS and have the family seperated, that they're mental and retarded because difficult child 1 takes medications, take a bath before you come to school - you look dirty, that one wishes they could still take the kids to the "big house" because she used to take kids there, leave them in the cell with the biggest toughest inmates and go hang out in the bus for an hour before she'd come back for the kids. Not to mention the "f-word", s-h, bi---, etc.

    In the meantime, difficult child 1 has figured out that if he even says the word suicide, the counselor will jump to attention and call me to take him home. I kid you not: she was eating her lunch at her desk, the crisis intervention guy was taking him to see her, saw she was eating lunch and told difficult child 1 "let's give her a minute or two so she can finish". As the door is closing, difficult child 1 yells "suicide" (say this to yourself as if you're yelling "Marco" when you're playing Marco Polo in the pool) and she jumped up and talked to him right away and you got it, called me.

    Let me ask you: where do I go to look at physical symptoms when someone is titrating off a medication? Our psychiatric needs one herself, so I want to check out what he's going through. He's itchy all the time, even with Benadryl, his insides feel like they're just "made of goo", his anxiety is off the charts to the point of major meltdowns.

    Stick a fork in me, I'm DONE!

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    The suicide thing is scary. I can see why the school calls you, and I can see why you are frustrated because he is so working the system. Is there any way he can go sit with a guidance counselor or somehow be observed in a one to one situation when he does this? In order for it to stop he has to NOT get what he wants, and my guess is he wants to go home.

    Hugs. This is a tough one.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    We finally got it in wee difficult child's iep that there has to be some kind of real harm happening before any of his "gonna kill you" statements got him sent out. With lingo that said he WILL up the ante at first...which he did. Then it stopped.

    Of course, your difficult child is older...that upping the ante part might be a bit scarey, but they've got to find a way not to react to his "fight or flight" junk.

    If he were at my house and did it, I would probably non-chalantly say "I'll miss you" and keep right on trucking with whatever I was doing.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm very concerned about the professionals at the school. Are they REALLY saying those things or is he making them up? If he's not, heck, I'd homeschool my kid while I fought the school for a placement with teachers who had a clue and were more professional. I'd be hard-pressed not to turn them into CPS. I would look for a program, even in a different district, for children on the autism spectrum.

    Why was he on Trileptal if he has Aspergers? That's unusual.

    Sorry things have been so tough.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'm not sure that I can fault the school too much....

    There is a phenomenon that mental health professionals are cautioned about, and that is "Suicide for Spite".

    Sometimes a person will threaten suicide purely because it gets a powerful reaction. They have no intention of actually killing themselves, but they love the drama and attention of making the threat.

    Unfortunately, if they do not get the reaction they are looking for--or worse, if the person they are making their suicide comments to acts as if they do not believe them--the attention-seekers will then ATTEMPT suicide in an effort to prove them wrong. "See? I told you I would kill myself." Sometimes, those suicide attempts are successful...

    I think you have handle this very carefully so that difficult child 1 does not feel he has to "up the ante" to get attention.

    Sending ((((hugs))) and support.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Time to look up someones boss, and while youre at it - look up for a new school. (I think)

    Maybe a few unannounced visits to the school?

    I don't know about the medicine but I DO know that I am MORE allergic to Benadryl than I am allergens - something to consider when giving him the pink medicine.....and maybe it's the dye in the pills - try Benadryl clear -

    OR a totally stronger antihistamine the doctor.

    I'll watch my precious why you are at school.......even if I DO NOT EVER GET A PICTURE TO UPDATE FROM THE BLURRY YELLOW JUMPER JAMMIE ONE I HAVE.....ahem.....(vent over)
  8. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Major would talk like Daisy described when angry. It was obvious it wasn't a deep depression, he just would say it and be totaly fine and dandy 10 minutes later. One time he did try it thou, he tried to hang himself by hooking his shirt onto a hook and stepping off a bucket. He then came and told me. That was when he started taking the lamictal (which is suppose to be good with depression), he hasn't talked like that when angry since.

    Hopefully you will find a new medication that will help. I wish there were more day treatment places that were easier to get into for families going through this. Sending strength.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I really don't like your school! The calling part about the suicide threat I understand. As a teacher I don't want the responsibility of something happening and me not having called. I don't understand why they send difficult child home each time though and with all the talk they are talking, I'm steaming mad for you! Sending hugs and wishing you a peaceful weekend.
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    I don't like that school either. But I do hear what WO is saying. My friends son's friend, buddies since babies, last year at 11 years old got mad at his mom for setting boundaries and was sent to his room. My friend's son went up to check on him about a half hour later and found him hanging from this close and he died. I'm sure thousands of kids use the S word for effect every day but just one or two of these tragedies are enough to scare the carp out of you.

    Manster gets the itchies from the inside out too. I guess it's a sensory/allergic thing. Does difficult child 1 have allergies? This time of year is brutal for them. We had to change from zyrtec to a HUGE allergra pill which has side effects of major sleepiness but seems to be taking the edge off.

    I feel your pain my friend. Tons of hugs and xoxox ML
  11. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    oh sweetie, I can only offer <<<gentle hugs>>> and prayers, this is hard, even more so with a new baby in the house...
  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ok you guys - get this: I got the "itchies" to stop, but you're not going to believe how. After blowing a fortune on "topical ointments", creams, lotions, Benadryl, Jr. Tylenol, etc. I was desperate.

    It was 3:00 am and difficult child 1 was crying, begging me to get it to stop - I opened up the medicine cabinet, pulled out toothpaste (paste, not gel, whitening) and put some on the itchiest spot. By then the 2nd dose of Benadryl had kicked in and he went to sleep. At 5:45, difficult child 1 came in and woke me up to tell me that he wasn't itchy at all in the spot where I put the toothpaste - could I put more on his back.

    Throughout the day, he'd run in to tell me he couldn't believe he wasn't itchy at all.

    The only thing I can figure is there's baking soda (skin softener?), peroxide (for bleaching the teeth) and mint (soothing for the skin?) in it and the combination of them did the trick.

    Wow! Desperation is what truly fuels invention!!!

  13. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I just want to say that I agree with those who think it's time to find another school. The school he is in rots!!!:mad:

    You have way too much on your plate. Please, try to find a bit of time for yourself. Also, try to find a bit of time to spend alone with your husband. I wish I had followed this advice when my kids were younger. The stress when my kids were younger almost cost me my marriage. I've probably already lost most of my sanity, lol!!!:hammer:...

    I know trying to find time for yourself is extremely difficult. Take advantage of everyone who offers to help you. I can't even begin to tell you how important quality time is. I know you know this already but in my humble opinion, it is always good to keep on being reminded of this. It's also extremely important even if you think you can get through this and even if your marriage is very strong.

    I know everyone's situation is different. However, I just remember what I went through and don't want you to have to follow in my footsteps. Anyway, this is just my two cents - Take from it what you can and discard the rest.

    Thinking of you... Hugs... WFEN
  14. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I remember hearing that toothpaste was a good old fashioned remedy for insect bite stings. Don't know why it works....but thank goodness you found a solution!

  15. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Well, at least he will smell minty fresh. I bet my difficult child would rub toothpaste on his skin before he would use it. He hates to brush his teeth.

    Glad you found something that will work.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    If you get desperate and don't have toothpaste handy - Vicks vapo rub or carmex/blistex lip balm works. It has mentholatum in it. I use this at work for insect bites!