Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
CAMom, sorry I'm late to the party on this thread....
As you probably know, I can sympathize very well because I have the same exact pet peeve with McWeedy. There seems to be some invisible line between what we want, what we expect, and what we demand from our children in return for our support. Those lines are blurred, though, and we don't often know where they are. In my case, I think the darn lines are evil and move just to put me in a bad position
Actually, though, I can only offer my own perspective. And, in a nutshell, it's that we, the parents, are humans too. We have needs, desires, fears, and foibles just like our kids. When they are young, it's our duty to walk tall and strong as a protector, pretend to be as all-knowing as whatever deity you claim, and to be an endless source of inspiration and support through tough and challenging times.
But, after 18 years or so, it sure as heck takes a toll, don't it?
By this time, I think parents have a right to expect something back from their kids. That's not selfish, it's normal human nature. Even with strangers on the street I can reaonably expect civility if I'm civil; I can reasonably expect to be thanked if I provide for some need, and I can reasonably expect to be given the benefit of the doubt if I'm not smart as God, strong as Superman, or rich as Warren Buffet.
But, somehow, our pseudo-adult kids don't see us that way. Physically, they're grown. Mentally, well, that's anybody's guess. Emotionally? At least for McWeedy, he's as immature, dependant, and non-functional as any 3rd-Grader you can yank out of a class.
But, by this time, aren't we due at least a little bit of a break? Is it too much to ask for a simple show of gratitude for what we provide? Would it kill them to spend a little (very little?) quality time with those that love them, and have sacrificed to get them to their current point in life? When they start becoming adults, is it unreasonable for us to finally start expecting a little "give" for all the "taking" they've done? It's no more than I'd ask of a co-worker, or even a stranger on the street that I had to associate with.
But, these are our kids. Our Gifts From God. If they were even within 10 miles of being "normal", we wouldn't be here at CD. But we are, so I guess that means that we don't get the break we need, or the young adult companion/friend/whatever that we've been looking forward to for 18+ years. And, while I can't say exactly what I want out of McWeedy, I know I want (and need) more from him than he's giving. And it frustrates the heck out me.
By now, I'd always hoped that McWeedy would be a friend. He had all the makings of a good friend; funny, smart, great outlook on the world, able to find beauty in the smallest and most mundane things. But somewhere along the way, that kid fell into a manhole and was replaced by the bong-sukking zombie that we just packed off to rehab.
And, that zombie elicited every feeling you've described. I can't explain it, I don't know exactly where the threshold is. But, I can say that I have a perfectly acceptable set of expectations for someone of McWeedy's age, and he does everything possible to NOT meet a single one of them. Consequently, I've come to resent having to continue catering to an 18 yo as if he were 12. I want more out of my life, I want more out of my relationship with him, and I want more out of my family life without the McWeedy drama poisoning every aspect of my day (and night).
Okay, off the soapbox. But, as far as I'm concerned, it's okay to be human. And by this time, I think it's okay for us to expect our kids to start seeing us as we are, not as they want us to be. Until that happens, they can (and will) continue to treat us as they always have. I want McW to act as grown up as he thinks he is, and as grown-up as I need him to be. His flip-flopping between treating us like a hotel when it suits him, and then treating us like Mommy and Daddy when he's "in need" is something I'm just not willing (or able) to tolerate any more.
Just my two cents, (okay, it was a few dollars more than that, but I tried to keep my voice down - promise, I really did!).
Mikey
As you probably know, I can sympathize very well because I have the same exact pet peeve with McWeedy. There seems to be some invisible line between what we want, what we expect, and what we demand from our children in return for our support. Those lines are blurred, though, and we don't often know where they are. In my case, I think the darn lines are evil and move just to put me in a bad position
Actually, though, I can only offer my own perspective. And, in a nutshell, it's that we, the parents, are humans too. We have needs, desires, fears, and foibles just like our kids. When they are young, it's our duty to walk tall and strong as a protector, pretend to be as all-knowing as whatever deity you claim, and to be an endless source of inspiration and support through tough and challenging times.
But, after 18 years or so, it sure as heck takes a toll, don't it?
By this time, I think parents have a right to expect something back from their kids. That's not selfish, it's normal human nature. Even with strangers on the street I can reaonably expect civility if I'm civil; I can reasonably expect to be thanked if I provide for some need, and I can reasonably expect to be given the benefit of the doubt if I'm not smart as God, strong as Superman, or rich as Warren Buffet.
But, somehow, our pseudo-adult kids don't see us that way. Physically, they're grown. Mentally, well, that's anybody's guess. Emotionally? At least for McWeedy, he's as immature, dependant, and non-functional as any 3rd-Grader you can yank out of a class.
But, by this time, aren't we due at least a little bit of a break? Is it too much to ask for a simple show of gratitude for what we provide? Would it kill them to spend a little (very little?) quality time with those that love them, and have sacrificed to get them to their current point in life? When they start becoming adults, is it unreasonable for us to finally start expecting a little "give" for all the "taking" they've done? It's no more than I'd ask of a co-worker, or even a stranger on the street that I had to associate with.
But, these are our kids. Our Gifts From God. If they were even within 10 miles of being "normal", we wouldn't be here at CD. But we are, so I guess that means that we don't get the break we need, or the young adult companion/friend/whatever that we've been looking forward to for 18+ years. And, while I can't say exactly what I want out of McWeedy, I know I want (and need) more from him than he's giving. And it frustrates the heck out me.
By now, I'd always hoped that McWeedy would be a friend. He had all the makings of a good friend; funny, smart, great outlook on the world, able to find beauty in the smallest and most mundane things. But somewhere along the way, that kid fell into a manhole and was replaced by the bong-sukking zombie that we just packed off to rehab.
And, that zombie elicited every feeling you've described. I can't explain it, I don't know exactly where the threshold is. But, I can say that I have a perfectly acceptable set of expectations for someone of McWeedy's age, and he does everything possible to NOT meet a single one of them. Consequently, I've come to resent having to continue catering to an 18 yo as if he were 12. I want more out of my life, I want more out of my relationship with him, and I want more out of my family life without the McWeedy drama poisoning every aspect of my day (and night).
Okay, off the soapbox. But, as far as I'm concerned, it's okay to be human. And by this time, I think it's okay for us to expect our kids to start seeing us as we are, not as they want us to be. Until that happens, they can (and will) continue to treat us as they always have. I want McW to act as grown up as he thinks he is, and as grown-up as I need him to be. His flip-flopping between treating us like a hotel when it suits him, and then treating us like Mommy and Daddy when he's "in need" is something I'm just not willing (or able) to tolerate any more.
Just my two cents, (okay, it was a few dollars more than that, but I tried to keep my voice down - promise, I really did!).
Mikey
