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Help me understand my bipolar friend
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 76534" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Thank you all. That is very helpful.</p><p>He said that if he ever had to go back to work in the corporate world, he would try medications, but since he pretty much has it worked out, he is continuing on this path.</p><p>His manic episodes are under better control, and if he stays up all night, he makes up for it by sleeping during the day, which messes up his sleep cycle but doesn't actually take away sleep, if that makes sense. He never goes more than 24 hrs with-o sleep, like he used to do in college, by his own admission.</p><p></p><p>I think he is afraid of medication side effects, trying diff doses, etc. In fact, he often suffers from sinus headaches that turn into migraines, and he has only taken Tylenol twice in the 2 yrs I've known him. I've offered him my Imitrex and he refuses. I'm guessing he had a bad trip there somewhere, or had a friend who had that experience in college, but I could be wrong. But he's an awful lot like my husband in that regard, not taking medications unless it's a life and death situation.</p><p></p><p>I love it when he's manic! He is so much fun! He's helped me plant things around my yard, we've hunted for daylilies and other items on sale (after his disasters yrs ago with-$ he is a very good bargain hunter now, so at least he's learned from his past mistakes!). Because he's so obsessive-compulsive, and I have 4 acres and no system, he has also helped me create a yard map and create nametags for the more exotic things we have. (This will be great when I am senile and all I have to do is read the labels, LOL!) </p><p></p><p>husband has asthma and allergies. It was his idea to buy a house on the water, but it was a concept that had no bearing on reality. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>N.'s repaired a lot of things around our house, and together, we made bookshelves for husband's birthday last yr. It was very fun and very productive.</p><p></p><p>But then he'll get manic on some other project and it's hard not to feel left out. Or he'll crash and go AWOL for a week, sleeping. I want to keep going on whatever project we've started. It's like his excitement is contagious, you know? </p><p></p><p>Lisa, this was very helpful: <em>For me it is a coping mechanism to let out my manic behavior without it branching out into worse self destructive outlets. </em>I hadn't thought of it that way. I admit I was being judgmental. It's just so hard to figure this out sometimes.</p><p></p><p>Also, he's been very helpful with-our difficult child. He often wonders if difficult child isn't bipolar instead of or in addition to being ADHD. He, as well as other friends, has taken time out of his day to drive all the way over when difficult child is raging, to help me out. But inevitably, by the time he/they get here, difficult child has calmed down to the point where he's steaming and giving off that Mean Monster face, but not actually throwing anything or kicking, so it's really hard to tell.</p><p>N. keeps saying he wants to see difficult child in a full blown meltdown so he can distinguish the diff. Very few people actually WANT to be a part of that, LOL!</p><p></p><p>N. has never gotten mean that way ... the only indication I've gotten was once, when he asked his son to pick up piles of leaves in the yard, and instead, his son snuck off and ruined the specially made wheelbarrow (N. had constructed a sort of box on top of the wheelbarrow to give it more capacity). His son said it broke, but you could tell that it was broken deliberately so he could get out of doing the work. N. was absolutely steaming, and stomped around for 2 days afterward. I asked him what he did to punish his son, and he said, "I told D. to deal with-it. I walked away." </p><p>"What? Why did you leave it for your wife to deal with?"</p><p>I saw that as being totally immature and into avoidance tactics. But he stopped me in my mental tracks when he said, "Because I didn't want to hurt him."</p><p>Oh.</p><p>He has never hurt his kids, and he deliberately has worked out this method because his mother abused them as kids and he has worked hard to redirect his life.</p><p>In fact, he's way better at that than I have been. I had a very abusive mother who drank, and I find myself losing my temper and yelling--to no avail--as we have all learned--and have had to work very hard not to repeat the same mistakes.</p><p>N. says I have taken it too far--that because I was treated so harshly, I am too soft on my difficult child. </p><p>But when you're raised like that, it's hard to find mentors.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, thank you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 76534, member: 3419"] Thank you all. That is very helpful. He said that if he ever had to go back to work in the corporate world, he would try medications, but since he pretty much has it worked out, he is continuing on this path. His manic episodes are under better control, and if he stays up all night, he makes up for it by sleeping during the day, which messes up his sleep cycle but doesn't actually take away sleep, if that makes sense. He never goes more than 24 hrs with-o sleep, like he used to do in college, by his own admission. I think he is afraid of medication side effects, trying diff doses, etc. In fact, he often suffers from sinus headaches that turn into migraines, and he has only taken Tylenol twice in the 2 yrs I've known him. I've offered him my Imitrex and he refuses. I'm guessing he had a bad trip there somewhere, or had a friend who had that experience in college, but I could be wrong. But he's an awful lot like my husband in that regard, not taking medications unless it's a life and death situation. I love it when he's manic! He is so much fun! He's helped me plant things around my yard, we've hunted for daylilies and other items on sale (after his disasters yrs ago with-$ he is a very good bargain hunter now, so at least he's learned from his past mistakes!). Because he's so obsessive-compulsive, and I have 4 acres and no system, he has also helped me create a yard map and create nametags for the more exotic things we have. (This will be great when I am senile and all I have to do is read the labels, LOL!) husband has asthma and allergies. It was his idea to buy a house on the water, but it was a concept that had no bearing on reality. Sigh. N.'s repaired a lot of things around our house, and together, we made bookshelves for husband's birthday last yr. It was very fun and very productive. But then he'll get manic on some other project and it's hard not to feel left out. Or he'll crash and go AWOL for a week, sleeping. I want to keep going on whatever project we've started. It's like his excitement is contagious, you know? Lisa, this was very helpful: [i]For me it is a coping mechanism to let out my manic behavior without it branching out into worse self destructive outlets. [/i]I hadn't thought of it that way. I admit I was being judgmental. It's just so hard to figure this out sometimes. Also, he's been very helpful with-our difficult child. He often wonders if difficult child isn't bipolar instead of or in addition to being ADHD. He, as well as other friends, has taken time out of his day to drive all the way over when difficult child is raging, to help me out. But inevitably, by the time he/they get here, difficult child has calmed down to the point where he's steaming and giving off that Mean Monster face, but not actually throwing anything or kicking, so it's really hard to tell. N. keeps saying he wants to see difficult child in a full blown meltdown so he can distinguish the diff. Very few people actually WANT to be a part of that, LOL! N. has never gotten mean that way ... the only indication I've gotten was once, when he asked his son to pick up piles of leaves in the yard, and instead, his son snuck off and ruined the specially made wheelbarrow (N. had constructed a sort of box on top of the wheelbarrow to give it more capacity). His son said it broke, but you could tell that it was broken deliberately so he could get out of doing the work. N. was absolutely steaming, and stomped around for 2 days afterward. I asked him what he did to punish his son, and he said, "I told D. to deal with-it. I walked away." "What? Why did you leave it for your wife to deal with?" I saw that as being totally immature and into avoidance tactics. But he stopped me in my mental tracks when he said, "Because I didn't want to hurt him." Oh. He has never hurt his kids, and he deliberately has worked out this method because his mother abused them as kids and he has worked hard to redirect his life. In fact, he's way better at that than I have been. I had a very abusive mother who drank, and I find myself losing my temper and yelling--to no avail--as we have all learned--and have had to work very hard not to repeat the same mistakes. N. says I have taken it too far--that because I was treated so harshly, I am too soft on my difficult child. But when you're raised like that, it's hard to find mentors. Anyway, thank you all. [/QUOTE]
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