help my 18 yr old honour role with a job is smoking pot and now carries a care package


New Member
Please help my 18 year old daughter is not only smoking pot she carry's a jar filled with pot and all the paraphernalia needed in her situation is a little different then others I've read on here but I am equally scared and worried for her...a little history...she has been an A student with hounors all her school years...even now she graduates this year and has good grades...but...her desire for after she grads has changed and for me I look at It as a cliff ..just drops right off...I've told her the consequences of she were to get stopped and searched or all those scenarios....problem is I come from a long history of addiction..not sure she takes me seriously...and without going into drug use didn't start until she was around six and it wasn't daughter went to live with my mother by my wishes when she was 7...I've been clean for over 7 years now and have been constant in her life for a little over 3 years that may be a big problem too...she has seen and been through a lot but because all these factors play into her use...I am scared out of my mind...but because she has honour role grades..she has held a job sometimes two up until today she tells me not to worry...she jokes that even her friends are shocked that she is doing this...I can't sit back and say oh..she is doing all she is sapposed to do so its ok that she smokes a lil here and there ...its not mom is not well so she is in bed a lot so my girl in the last year has had a lot of freedom...and now that she is 18 is gone every night I understand...please help!


Well-Known Member
Are you in the US? If so, she is eighteen. She can legally be out every night and you can't stop her. IF not, you have rules of majority in your own country that can influence what you are able to do and unable to do.

There are things we can ALL do though. You CAN set rules in your house such as, "No more using drugs of any sort or you have to find another place to live. I love you and can't help destroy yourself" or "you must go to a rehab or the money train stops and you will have to look for another place to live and pay all of your own bills and get your own car." You can't change her. You can only change your boundaries and she can decide to follow them or not to follow them. I am unclear if she is living with you or your mom. If she is with your mom, you have nothing really to bargain with, but that doesn't mean you have to be unhappy.

You fought the good fight against drugs and we admire that here. You deserve to have a good, happy life now, regardless of whether or not your daughter is messing up her life. Have you ever been to a twelve step meeting to help your addiction problems? You may have to switch now to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. If you don't like twelve step, you probably should find a private therapist to help you walk this difficult road of learning to have a good life even while your own daughter is messing up hers. You can learn not to take what she does to heart because you didn't cause it (in spite of your addiction) and you can't cure her. Only she can decide to quit. We can only control ourselves, not other people, not even our loved ones. And it is pointless to try. Often it just gets them more hyped up to prove to you that they won't listen to you.

Do you have a SO or other children or other family and friends who love you and treat you right? I suggest spending time with the positive people and activities in your life. Our difficult children can really poison our worlds and bring us down. in my opinion it is better to try very hard to not allow them to do that to us.

Let your daughter know that when she is ready to quit using drugs, you will be there for all the emotional support she could ask for. Don't try to talk to her too much about what you don't like about what she is doing. It doesn't help and she doesn't care right nhow. She is still young. She is smart. On her own, she may figure it out. My daughter quit. Yours can too.

Hugs and very sorry for your hurting mommy heart.