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Substance Abuse
help my 18 yr old honour role with a job is smoking pot and now carries a care package
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623532" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Are you in the US? If so, she is eighteen. She can legally be out every night and you can't stop her. IF not, you have rules of majority in your own country that can influence what you are able to do and unable to do.</p><p></p><p>There are things we can ALL do though. You CAN set rules in your house such as, "No more using drugs of any sort or you have to find another place to live. I love you and can't help destroy yourself" or "you must go to a rehab or the money train stops and you will have to look for another place to live and pay all of your own bills and get your own car." You can't change her. You can only change your boundaries and she can decide to follow them or not to follow them. I am unclear if she is living with you or your mom. If she is with your mom, you have nothing really to bargain with, but that doesn't mean you have to be unhappy.</p><p></p><p>You fought the good fight against drugs and we admire that here. You deserve to have a good, happy life now, regardless of whether or not your daughter is messing up her life. Have you ever been to a twelve step meeting to help your addiction problems? You may have to switch now to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. If you don't like twelve step, you probably should find a private therapist to help you walk this difficult road of learning to have a good life even while your own daughter is messing up hers. You can learn not to take what she does to heart because you didn't cause it (in spite of your addiction) and you can't cure her. Only she can decide to quit. We can only control ourselves, not other people, not even our loved ones. And it is pointless to try. Often it just gets them more hyped up to prove to you that they won't listen to you.</p><p></p><p>Do you have a SO or other children or other family and friends who love you and treat you right? I suggest spending time with the positive people and activities in your life. Our difficult children can really poison our worlds and bring us down. in my opinion it is better to try very hard to not allow them to do that to us.</p><p></p><p>Let your daughter know that when she is ready to quit using drugs, you will be there for all the emotional support she could ask for. Don't try to talk to her too much about what you don't like about what she is doing. It doesn't help and she doesn't care right nhow. She is still young. She is smart. On her own, she may figure it out. My daughter quit. Yours can too.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and very sorry for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623532, member: 1550"] Are you in the US? If so, she is eighteen. She can legally be out every night and you can't stop her. IF not, you have rules of majority in your own country that can influence what you are able to do and unable to do. There are things we can ALL do though. You CAN set rules in your house such as, "No more using drugs of any sort or you have to find another place to live. I love you and can't help destroy yourself" or "you must go to a rehab or the money train stops and you will have to look for another place to live and pay all of your own bills and get your own car." You can't change her. You can only change your boundaries and she can decide to follow them or not to follow them. I am unclear if she is living with you or your mom. If she is with your mom, you have nothing really to bargain with, but that doesn't mean you have to be unhappy. You fought the good fight against drugs and we admire that here. You deserve to have a good, happy life now, regardless of whether or not your daughter is messing up her life. Have you ever been to a twelve step meeting to help your addiction problems? You may have to switch now to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. If you don't like twelve step, you probably should find a private therapist to help you walk this difficult road of learning to have a good life even while your own daughter is messing up hers. You can learn not to take what she does to heart because you didn't cause it (in spite of your addiction) and you can't cure her. Only she can decide to quit. We can only control ourselves, not other people, not even our loved ones. And it is pointless to try. Often it just gets them more hyped up to prove to you that they won't listen to you. Do you have a SO or other children or other family and friends who love you and treat you right? I suggest spending time with the positive people and activities in your life. Our difficult children can really poison our worlds and bring us down. in my opinion it is better to try very hard to not allow them to do that to us. Let your daughter know that when she is ready to quit using drugs, you will be there for all the emotional support she could ask for. Don't try to talk to her too much about what you don't like about what she is doing. It doesn't help and she doesn't care right nhow. She is still young. She is smart. On her own, she may figure it out. My daughter quit. Yours can too. Hugs and very sorry for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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help my 18 yr old honour role with a job is smoking pot and now carries a care package
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