I'm also thinking Asperger's should be considered. And I have a very sociable autistic kid. He also seems bossy and disrespectful - there are two main reasons for this. First, he is intensely focussed on rules being followed (because this is the only way he can understand human behaviour, is to mentally ascribe it to a set of rules he is developing in his own head). Any more formal rules (school rules; rules to a game; the law) he will INSIST on being followed, loudly. As if the world depends on it.
And the disrespect - they give back what they get. A teacher who tells kids, "Go into the classroom and sit down NOW," will get the same attitude back that she has just modelled.
"Miss Z, I told you I wanted the BLUE book, and you gave me the red one. Weren't you listening to me?"
This actually is NOT disrespect. He has instead used the teacher as a role model. This can also seem to be that he is mocking her, but he is not. Her behaviour, seen through his eyes, is what he must emulate - she IS his teacher after all. And a kid like this MUST learn social interaction in this way, they don't pick it up by osmosis the way everyone else does.
Autism is NOT about being socially withdrawn, necessarily - it is about being socially inappropriate, or some other social dysfunction. Not being able to (or apparently willing to) carry on a conversation unless it's on HIS favourite topic - another example of social dysfunction. difficult child 1 and difficult child 3 will happily chat to total strangers about the things they enjoy, or about whatever is interesting them at the moment. They can seem VERY social - but try and switch the subject to something the child is less familiar with, and you see the social inadequacy. A confident autistic child may still try to keep up, especially if they feel safe with that person, but many will not, they will withdraw, walk away or get angry.
Check out the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on
http://www.childbrain.com. It's not official, it's just something to think about. And this is a diagnosis which can often be delayed, especially if you've been thoroughly assured previously without it really being seriously considered. I first raised the question of difficult child 1 being autistic in some way, when he was 6. I asked his psychologist, who was experienced in working with autism, and he was very emphatic about difficult child 1 NOT having any form of autism, because he interacted so well on a one-to-one basis.
But they often do - they feel safer, one-to-one. So it took until difficult child 1 was 15 for a more thorough assessment.
easy child 2/difficult child 2, if she IS Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), is only borderline. We're convinced of it, so is she. Her doctor is not. Her counsellor at college, is.
For us, it's been a good working hypothesis. If she is having difficulty with social situations or anxiety, we remember she is going to need to learn this in a different way. it's changed our expectations to a more realistic level and changed how we teach her some things. As a result, we're now making headway.
If this is Asperger's, encourage him to inform himself about the weather. We have a radar site we access which shows the satellite image of the weather coming in, we can look at it and predict what will happen weather-wise in the next five minutes, or the next two hours. If a storm is on the way, we can see if there is hail in it, how heavy the rain is and if we watch we can even see how fast it is moving.
Especially in Asperger's, knowledge is empowering.
Marg
