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Help!! Need advice about my 18 year old son!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 657649" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome Stressedmom72, I'm glad you found us but sorry you had to.</p><p></p><p>I wish I had a magic answer for you but the sad reality, there is no magic answer. Sometimes there is no answer at all.</p><p></p><p>Also, I think there are times when a diagnosis of ADHD / depression / anxiety can be given to quickly. My son was also diagnosed with ADD and depression very quickly by the school nurse. It wasn't until years later after going through counseling that we received a correct diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder. My son started smoking pot at 12, I didn't know this until many years later as he hid it well and when the school nurse diagnosed him with ADD she was also not aware of his pot smoking. Once we got into counseling we learned that him being high on pot in school mimicked the same behavior or ADD; not being able to focus and stay on task.</p><p></p><p>Your son is still very young and this could turn around for him. My first suggestion is that you need to get into some family counseling. If your son chooses not to participate then you need to go for yourself. Your son is 18 now so he is legally an adult. You are no longer responsible for him. Now comes the trick part, you need to start some tough love parenting. Your son had a job and quit, so we know he's capable of working. Under no circumstances should you give him any money. I don't care how much he begs or what excuse he gives. He is an adult now and should be paying his own way. The only time I feel it's ok for a parent to continue financially supporting an adult child is if that child is going to college and pulling the grades.</p><p>If your son is not contributing to the household then he really has no business living under your roof. These are things you need to really consider.</p><p></p><p>It is better for everyone if you have very clear boundaries and expectations in place. It's ok to tell him that if he wants to continue living in your house he has to follow your rules, period end of story, there is no room for negotiation. As a term of living in your home I would require him to work and pay rent even if it's just $100.00 a month, you can also require he attend counseling. I would also tell him no drugs at all. Feel free to search his room and drug test him.</p><p></p><p>Be prepared for him to balk at all of this (hopefully he won't but chances are he will). Be prepared to tell him that if he does not want to live by your rules and boundaries then he will have to find somewhere else to live.</p><p></p><p>I know some of this may sound overwhelming and harsh, I know it's a lot to take in. Sit with it, discuss it with your husband. You can only do what you are comfortable doing.</p><p></p><p>The longer you wait and do nothing the harder it will be down the road. Your son is an adult now and needs to be held accountable.</p><p></p><p>You have found a great group of people here. There are years of experience upon these pages.</p><p></p><p>Please keep posting and let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you................................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 657649, member: 18516"] Welcome Stressedmom72, I'm glad you found us but sorry you had to. I wish I had a magic answer for you but the sad reality, there is no magic answer. Sometimes there is no answer at all. Also, I think there are times when a diagnosis of ADHD / depression / anxiety can be given to quickly. My son was also diagnosed with ADD and depression very quickly by the school nurse. It wasn't until years later after going through counseling that we received a correct diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder. My son started smoking pot at 12, I didn't know this until many years later as he hid it well and when the school nurse diagnosed him with ADD she was also not aware of his pot smoking. Once we got into counseling we learned that him being high on pot in school mimicked the same behavior or ADD; not being able to focus and stay on task. Your son is still very young and this could turn around for him. My first suggestion is that you need to get into some family counseling. If your son chooses not to participate then you need to go for yourself. Your son is 18 now so he is legally an adult. You are no longer responsible for him. Now comes the trick part, you need to start some tough love parenting. Your son had a job and quit, so we know he's capable of working. Under no circumstances should you give him any money. I don't care how much he begs or what excuse he gives. He is an adult now and should be paying his own way. The only time I feel it's ok for a parent to continue financially supporting an adult child is if that child is going to college and pulling the grades. If your son is not contributing to the household then he really has no business living under your roof. These are things you need to really consider. It is better for everyone if you have very clear boundaries and expectations in place. It's ok to tell him that if he wants to continue living in your house he has to follow your rules, period end of story, there is no room for negotiation. As a term of living in your home I would require him to work and pay rent even if it's just $100.00 a month, you can also require he attend counseling. I would also tell him no drugs at all. Feel free to search his room and drug test him. Be prepared for him to balk at all of this (hopefully he won't but chances are he will). Be prepared to tell him that if he does not want to live by your rules and boundaries then he will have to find somewhere else to live. I know some of this may sound overwhelming and harsh, I know it's a lot to take in. Sit with it, discuss it with your husband. You can only do what you are comfortable doing. The longer you wait and do nothing the harder it will be down the road. Your son is an adult now and needs to be held accountable. You have found a great group of people here. There are years of experience upon these pages. Please keep posting and let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) to you................................ [/QUOTE]
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Help!! Need advice about my 18 year old son!
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