Help! Older Sibling Is Acting Out!

[joneshockey]

My B2 was recently diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and Mood Disorder not otherwise specified. My older child - B1, has just begun to act out in the last few days, exhibiting many of the same behaviors that his younger brother is doing (hitting, kicking, spitting, using inappropriate language, etc.). I have had many discussion with him in reguards to his brother behavior and that we are trying to work on them as a team. I think that him seeing me being challenged with dealing with B2's behavior is causing him to be stressed out here at home. I have been trying my best to do things one on one with just him so that he is getting the attention that he needs, but I am having trouble finding the time since so many of my close friends that use to look after B2 for me, have backed away from the family so my babysitting resources are slim... I have enough on my plate already and don't know how I am going to handle an esclating 2nd child!

 

[BusynMember]

I would wait on the 7 year old's testing if something is going on (more than ADHD). It may not be copycat behavior. In my experience, kids don't act out because of siblings, especially younger siblings. Maybe more is going on with him than you originally thought and you HAVE to make life tolerable for yourself. It's important for YOU to take care of YOU as well.

 

[confuzzled]

i'm not sure ita with midwestmom...i think children often act out when another in the family has an issue, and the accompanying stress that goes along with it can be VERY difficult for a easy child to handle. at 7, i wouldnt be convinced he understands much of whats happening in your house, and i'd bet he REALLY doesnt fully get why the focus is on the little one. heck, its hard for an adult to grasp some of these concepts, let alone a child! (and don't misunderstand me....your #1 "sees" and "hears" everything--he just most likely doesnt fully understand it)

but i do agree i'd hold off on testing to see what happens for a bit.

your #1 might benefit from sibshops...it might help him to get to know other kids in the same boat.

 

[BusynMember]

LOL. Whoops. Well, I meant she SHOULD do the testing ASAP, since it's scheduled.
And, again, while a easy child can act out, he doesn't normally copy the behaviors of the younger one. He acts out in a more normal way. A easy child knows what is socially unacceptable and tends not to want to be a part of it. A easy child, for example, wont' copy hitting a parent unless he isn't really a easy child and has issues of his own because he HAS the self-control not to do it and realizes it's very wrong. Anyhow, JMO.
At any rate, good luck.

 

[JJJ]

Sorry MWM, I have to disagree. Her older one is only 7, he sees that the younger one is getting all this attention with his misbehaviors and it very likely to copy those same misbehaviors in an attempt to get attention.

Jones - I think you are on the right track with giving him extra 1:1 attention whenever possible. Are there grandparents or other relatives nearby that can take him for special visits?

 

[joneshockey]

JJJ -
Yes, he does have grandparents who live here in town, however they are having a lot of difficulty dealing with the fact that B2 actually has special needs - They are still in denial over this. This time of year is the most challenging for me to have them do things with him, since they are gone vacationing alot (since they are both retired). I also have a hard time when they do take B1 because they already treat B1 differently (1st grandchild syndrome). They have NEVER taken B2 anywhere by himself and he definately sees the favoritism even at age 3 1/2. In a perfect world it would be GREAT if they would take B2 so that I could have time with B1 alone, and give me a much needed break, but I know at this point that will not happen! Anytime B1 goes with his grandparents alone B2 gets VERY upset and angry. I definately see what you are saying and would LOVE to have it work, but it puts me in a hard place... dealing with even more anger and aggression from B2! As for my other friends who live here in town... They have all pretty much left me out to dry! None of them want to have the kids around B2 and always seems to make excuses when I call to try to arrange playdates. If you have any suggestions on what I should try or how to approach the grandparents on this, I would welcome your responses!