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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 654394" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>LMS, I so understand giving your son another chance. I did that too, over and over again. Just one more chance.</p><p></p><p>In my case, it didn't work. That doesn't mean it won't work in your case. God does work in mysterious ways, and we can't know God's own timing.</p><p></p><p>I hope this is the first step on the way back for him. </p><p></p><p><strong>Please take the best care of yourself during this time.</strong> Get out your toolbox and use those tools, every single day. Are you going to Al-Anon? Now is the best time to start if you aren't. Are you reading recovery books like Boundaries, CoDependent No More, Al-Anon literature? Are you spending time in rest, prayer, meditation, relaxation? Are you making sure that you aren't Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (the infamous HALT)? Are you buying flowers for your kitchen table? Start doing these things and others, that are in your toolbox. Make them a daily practice. </p><p></p><p>Put yourself at the top of the list, especially while he is there in your home. If you can do that, you are adding the gravy to the potatoes---because your laser-like focus (like all of us) will not be pointed at him. </p><p>It will be right where it should be---on you. Doing this creates some space, time, distance for him to step up. If you are "absent" from focusing so much on him, he will have to focus on himself. That is the pathway to responsible adulthood. </p><p></p><p>Think about that. Stepping back---especially while he is under your own roof---is good for you and it's good for him.</p><p></p><p>And then, relax into the knowledge that right now, he is under roof. For us and our kids, that is a blessing.</p><p></p><p>Hoping it goes well. Warm Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 654394, member: 17542"] LMS, I so understand giving your son another chance. I did that too, over and over again. Just one more chance. In my case, it didn't work. That doesn't mean it won't work in your case. God does work in mysterious ways, and we can't know God's own timing. I hope this is the first step on the way back for him. [B]Please take the best care of yourself during this time.[/B] Get out your toolbox and use those tools, every single day. Are you going to Al-Anon? Now is the best time to start if you aren't. Are you reading recovery books like Boundaries, CoDependent No More, Al-Anon literature? Are you spending time in rest, prayer, meditation, relaxation? Are you making sure that you aren't Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (the infamous HALT)? Are you buying flowers for your kitchen table? Start doing these things and others, that are in your toolbox. Make them a daily practice. Put yourself at the top of the list, especially while he is there in your home. If you can do that, you are adding the gravy to the potatoes---because your laser-like focus (like all of us) will not be pointed at him. It will be right where it should be---on you. Doing this creates some space, time, distance for him to step up. If you are "absent" from focusing so much on him, he will have to focus on himself. That is the pathway to responsible adulthood. Think about that. Stepping back---especially while he is under your own roof---is good for you and it's good for him. And then, relax into the knowledge that right now, he is under roof. For us and our kids, that is a blessing. Hoping it goes well. Warm Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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