Help please!

[bluewillow]

Hi
I'm glad to see this site - was starting to feel I am only one with a badly behaved child. I'm nearly at my wit's end with him.
My son is 5 and from reading other posts, he may had ODD. He has a quick temper and if he doesn't get his own way will lash out and hit or scratch. He did it just today to me, scratched my face.
He also hits his sister for no reason sometimes, and pulls hair.
He often doesn't do what he is asked, says no and will then proceed to do whatever it was I didn't want him to do, sometimes it seems to me to spite me. He will try to break things to get back at people who he thinks have done something wrong to him.
We have a small pet and he can't be left alone with it as I have seen him treat it like a doll - I don't think he means to be cruel just doesn't understand he is hurting not playing.
At other times he can be so sweet and can do what he is told, but is more often misbehaving.
He said he wished he was special. That made me sad cause I tell him often he is and we love him, but he doesn't think so.
He has had aggressive behaviour since he was 1. Started with biting and hitting, then scratching. Has had three different childcares, all say something not right.
Would welcome suggestions on what I can do. Thanks.

 

[BusynMember]

Has he ever been evaluated by a professional? Any psychiatric problems run in the family? Substance abuse? Is his early development (talking, motor skills, socializing with peers, cuddling, eye contact with strangers) all normal? ODD rarely stands by itself. There is normally something else causing the ODD behavior.

 

[SRL]

Hi bluewillow,

If he's been to three different childcares and all are saying something isn't right then I would suggest that you get the evaluation process rolling on two fronts.

First, meet with your son's pediatrician and request an evaluation. Often they will try and send you to a counselor for behavioral help or a child psychiatrist for medications, but you want to ask for an appointment with a developmental pediatrician or a pediatric neuropsychologist as those are the routes parents with young kids here generally have had the best success with. We also suggest that children this age be assessed in audiology, occupational therapy for motor skills and sensory issues, and speech as part of a thorough initial assessment.

Secondly, has he started kindergarten, and if so how is that going? I would start a school district evaluation at the same time as the private evaluation regardless.

Until you have a handle on what's going on, I would lay low on the expectations of what to do. Focus on keeping him, sibling, and pet safe. Let stuff go that really doesn't make a ton of difference right now in other areas but can lead to a huge meltdown (such as picking up a jacket after school). Take a look at the typical meltdown spots and see how you can ease or adjust, for instance if meals are a problem relax on that and serve him something to eat when he's watching tv.

Pick up a copy of The Explosive Child and check out the thread on the book at the top of this board.

What's his speech like? Outside of the defiant behavior, anything else unusual about him?

 

[AmyW]

Hi and welcome! You'll find a great deal of understanding, advice, and relief here, from seeing that you're not alone. I know it feels that way. My son is 4 and does exactly the same things yours does. Big hugs to you. It's so difficult to live day to day with a child that behaves in this manner. Any advice or questions I was going to give/ask have already been addressed by other members. Please stick with us and lean on us when you need to. You're absolutely not alone in this.

 

[Mrshonesty]

You sure you aren't talking about my granddaughter who is also 5? I think they did something to pregnant woman back at that time. Seems to be the 5 yo right now! LOL! (needed a bit of a chuckle) I am dealing with the same type of things with my granddaughter! Would love to talk with you and be some support for each other. Anyone else want to help please do!

 

[SmartGrl001]

I can't offer much advice as I'm just starting to really come to the acceptance that something is "not right" with my almost 3 year old. But everything you said...I sympathize with. Oh boy do I. She can be a really good kid, at times, but those times are becoming so far and few between. More than 90% of the time she is exactly what you described. Defiant and moody...also very very hyper and all of her emotions seem to be on hyperdrive. Lately everything hurts too. It's always "owie"....and today, I went upstairs to take a shower and she had to stay down with her father and grandmother, and because I wouldn't take her with, she said I "whipped" her...have no idea where she even got that word...I don't use it. I'm still waiting for a call back about an appointment for her, and besides that I have an appointment with her regular pediatrician in November, but when you go through it day in and day out...a week can seem like forever. Hang in there. It did me good to at least know I wasn't alone, as I had started to fear I was just a really bad mother or something.