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Substance Abuse
Help: should I kick my son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 720924" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>There is a saying in AlAnon/NarAnon called the 3 C's:</p><p></p><p>You didn't cause this, you can't control this, and you can't cure this.</p><p></p><p>I would add a 4th C: You need to learn to cope with this. That is where support groups/therapy is crucial. I wasn't a big fan of twelve-step groups but the one that I liked the best was Families Anonymous. Personally, though, I found private therapy most helpful.</p><p></p><p>I know you are worried about where your son will go but what difference does it make if he is living at home using drugs or living with druggie friends? My husband and I were just like you until my husband got home from school one day to find our daughter unconscious on the couch from a heroin overdose. He did CPR until the EMT's got there and administered Narcan. They told him that if he had gotten home 2 minutes later she would have died.</p><p></p><p>That's when we realized that letting her live at home was not the answer. We found an interventionist who helped us get a temporary restraining order on the basis that she was bringing heroin into our home. They sent deputies to our house who told her that she had to leave immediately. At that point she realized she had no where to go and agreed to get on a plane to go to a three-month rehab program. We had to go that route because the state I live in says you have to go through an eviction process to remove someone from your home even it if is a non rent paying family member.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could tell you sending her to rehab fixed everything and she became sober and stayed that way. Unfortunately, she relapsed shortly after completing the program. We refused to let her move back home so she stayed in Florida going through a cycle of inpatient treatment, sober living, relapse over and over.</p><p></p><p>During that four year period, my husband and I started therapy to learn how to set firm boundaries. I didn't realize how much we were enabling her behavior and how enmeshed I was in her drama. Once we started implementing the boundaries, our daughter slowly started getting better. She moved back to Georgia and found another rehab/sober living/IOP program that finally seemed to work. She has been sober now for 19 months and is truly a different person now. She is even a sponsor for others in NA.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, we waited until we had gone through ten years of hell before starting therapy. I wish we had started when our daughter was 19 instead of 29.</p><p></p><p>Take baby steps. If you are not ready to kick him out, stop all monetary support. Do not pay for phone, car, car insurance, spending money, etc. Start attending support groups or therapy and let those people help you through the process of setting boundaries and making him leave your home.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 720924, member: 1967"] There is a saying in AlAnon/NarAnon called the 3 C's: You didn't cause this, you can't control this, and you can't cure this. I would add a 4th C: You need to learn to cope with this. That is where support groups/therapy is crucial. I wasn't a big fan of twelve-step groups but the one that I liked the best was Families Anonymous. Personally, though, I found private therapy most helpful. I know you are worried about where your son will go but what difference does it make if he is living at home using drugs or living with druggie friends? My husband and I were just like you until my husband got home from school one day to find our daughter unconscious on the couch from a heroin overdose. He did CPR until the EMT's got there and administered Narcan. They told him that if he had gotten home 2 minutes later she would have died. That's when we realized that letting her live at home was not the answer. We found an interventionist who helped us get a temporary restraining order on the basis that she was bringing heroin into our home. They sent deputies to our house who told her that she had to leave immediately. At that point she realized she had no where to go and agreed to get on a plane to go to a three-month rehab program. We had to go that route because the state I live in says you have to go through an eviction process to remove someone from your home even it if is a non rent paying family member. I wish I could tell you sending her to rehab fixed everything and she became sober and stayed that way. Unfortunately, she relapsed shortly after completing the program. We refused to let her move back home so she stayed in Florida going through a cycle of inpatient treatment, sober living, relapse over and over. During that four year period, my husband and I started therapy to learn how to set firm boundaries. I didn't realize how much we were enabling her behavior and how enmeshed I was in her drama. Once we started implementing the boundaries, our daughter slowly started getting better. She moved back to Georgia and found another rehab/sober living/IOP program that finally seemed to work. She has been sober now for 19 months and is truly a different person now. She is even a sponsor for others in NA. Unfortunately, we waited until we had gone through ten years of hell before starting therapy. I wish we had started when our daughter was 19 instead of 29. Take baby steps. If you are not ready to kick him out, stop all monetary support. Do not pay for phone, car, car insurance, spending money, etc. Start attending support groups or therapy and let those people help you through the process of setting boundaries and making him leave your home. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Help: should I kick my son out of the house
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