Help with- 1st violent outburst at school

[lovemychocolate]

My 2nd grader had a bad day on Friday. I'm all over the place so if you see something I'm missing, let me in on it.

I got a call from the v.p. on Friday, that my difficult child had a violent outburst and his class had to be cleared out due to his actions. The v.p. called me from his classroom asking me if I could come get him. My husband happened to be with me and we drove right to the school. I sent husband in to let him get some perspective.

What the v.p. told me on the phone is that difficult child had stayed with his reading group after lunch. (He should have normally went to his afternoon teacher. I was never made aware of the fact that he has done this before.) While in the reading class difficult child had left his seat and went to the computer. He had left papers at the previous seat. When he returned he found another student in the seat he had been in. He got very mad and yelled at the boy. He left and about 10 minutes later went back to the boy and when he didn't move, he hit the boy with his pencil several times. The teacher intervened and my difficult child got mad and knocked over some chairs. She cleared the room out at this point.

The v.p. was called and went to the classroom. She called me from the room. My difficult child was screaming and crying. I could hear him in the background.

My husband thinks that if a man had been the teacher, our difficult child would have been put in his place and told to merely move on to another center. He thinks the teacher was over reactive. She is a new teacher and a tad timid, in my humble opinion. He thinks the whole thing has been overblown. Granted, I agree that most public co-ed schools are ultra-feminized, but the reality is that our son has extreme reactions to situations. My husband recalls that the v.p. told him that this incident changes the way his teacher handles things with him now.

We are in the process of getting an iep now. We literally changed insurance companies a week ago and I have an inital apt. set up for Monday with a well-known developmental neurologist. I'm hoping for some testing referrals at this apt., but not sure what else to expect.

As far as school for difficult child--what should I ask for? The teachers seem unprepared to deal with my difficult child. After the child study was initiated, the teacher sent my difficult child home with a week's worth of uncomplete work. In her note she wrote that it was due the next day or difficult child would be in the principal's office to have time to prepare it. I went in the next day to see her and told her that difficult child would not get sent to the principal's office for not doing his writing assignments. He has problems and sending him to an office would not help him.

So, I'm wondering how to proceed and help my son in the interim without the iep in place yet? I'm wanting more info. from the new assessment's and any testing I can get done this month before the iep which should take place before the end of April.

Appreciate ANY input here.
Thanks.

 

[Andy]

Well, the teacher did handle this one wrong. You can ask the following questions of teacher or v.p.:

1. Why was difficult child allowed to stay with the reading group if he was suppose to go to his afternoon teacher?

2. What did the teacher do to intervene when he got mad at the boy the first time? How hard is it to find out why difficult child is mad and teach difficult child to politely ask about his papers or for his place back?

3. difficult child was screaming and crying because he is feeling trapped at this point. His actions are scaring himself and instead of help, the teachers are clearing the room and doing nothing to try to calm him down.

4. Very very very few elementary teachers are men. It would be very difficult to find one until middle school. Women teachers are just as capable as men to handle this situation. difficult child did not need to be put in his place, he needed some guidance.

5. Your husband is correct that the whole thing was overblown. It could have been dealt with by having difficult child where he belonged (afternoon teacher) and with his first encounter with the other boy.

6. OMG - NOW they decide to change how they handle difficult child? I would be asking in what way that would be? Are they able to be positive and try to guide difficult child instead of making it worse?

7. I think teacher was looking for a way to keep difficult child out of the classroom with that unreasonable demand of catching up with a week's of homework. Were you aware he was so far behind? Shouldn't the teacher have brought that to your attention by the 2nd or 3rd day of late assignments?

8. Do you have a parent/student handbook? If so, look up the discipline policy. If not, ask the secretary for a copy of it. I think you may need it to hold the school to the proper procedures of what may come. They may try to skip a few steps.

I don't have experience with IEP's. Others will be along to help with that but I do think the above 8 issues need to be addressed ASAP.

 

[Andy]

P.S. I am assuming that when you said difficult child left the boy, that he did not leave the room? If he did leave the room, the details will have to be made clear to you why that was allowed, where did he go?, ect.

I would also ask how the teacher intervened. What methods did she use?

 

[lovemychocolate]

Well, the teacher did handle this one wrong. You can ask the following questions of teacher or v.p.:

1. Why was difficult child allowed to stay with the reading group if he was suppose to go to his afternoon teacher? Yes!! My difficult child said becasue he didn't finish his work.

2. What did the teacher do to intervene when he got mad at the boy the first time? How hard is it to find out why difficult child is mad and teach difficult child to politely ask about his papers or for his place back?

3. difficult child was screaming and crying because he is feeling trapped at this point. His actions are scaring himself and instead of help, the teachers are clearing the room and doing nothing to try to calm him down.

4. Very very very few elementary teachers are men. It would be very difficult to find one until middle school. Women teachers are just as capable as men to handle this situation. difficult child did not need to be put in his place, he needed some guidance. My point was that I find many young teachers seem to want boys to act more like girls and this teacher is one example. I think a man would have just chalked this up to boys and turf.

5. Your husband is correct that the whole thing was overblown. It could have been dealt with by having difficult child where he belonged (afternoon teacher) and with his first encounter with the other boy. Yes!!!!

6. OMG - NOW they decide to change how they handle difficult child? I would be asking in what way that would be? Are they able to be positive and try to guide difficult child instead of making it worse? Yes, again.

7. I think teacher was looking for a way to keep difficult child out of the classroom with that unreasonable demand of catching up with a week's of homework. Were you aware he was so far behind? Shouldn't the teacher have brought that to your attention by the 2nd or 3rd day of late assignments? I told her this exact thing#!!

8. Do you have a parent/student handbook? If so, look up the discipline policy. If not, ask the secretary for a copy of it. I think you may need it to hold the school to the proper procedures of what may come. They may try to skip a few steps. Doesn't a difficult child require different types of policies here?

I don't have experience with IEP's. Others will be along to help with that but I do think the above 8 issues need to be addressed ASAP.

Thanks for organizing it all. Wow. Do you have school aged kids? If you do, why no iep experience? Curious.

 

[Andy]

My difficult child is in 6th grade. A private Day School. The teachers have gone above and beyond to help him. I don't feel I need an IEP at this point because the teachers have worked so well and allowed him to do what is needed to learn but we will see once he is in middle school?

A difficult child may require different discipline policy but I think that would be spelled out in an IEP. It is good to have the standard policy on hand to protect your child. Any actions outside the standard policy should be to your child's benefit, not the school's. The school might turn this around and say because your child is a difficult child they do not have to follow the steps. Wrong!!! The steps are for every child and a clarification within each step for the difficult child student to hold back on the final step, not to speed it along.