If he was 4, I would put him in the bathtub and scrub him myself. Can't really do that with a 14 year old.
Why not? I would make the threat that I would come into the shower and wash him myself, if he didn't do it, and I was prepared to follow through. Or there was always the backyard under the hose, as if I was washing the dog. Again, gotta be prepared to follow through.
Of course for modesty's sake he is permitted to wear his swimsuit (budgie smugglers, aka speedos).
The other point - if you listen at the door while the shower is running (or the bathtub is occupied) the sound of the water should be different. A shower running sounds uniform, no variation. But someone in the shower - you hear splashes, differences in intensity, etc.
And you can ALWAYS do the sniff test afterwards. If he still smells of BO, then he didn't wash well enough and has to go back and do it again, only this time under supervision.
The bath crayons are also a good idea - scribble on the kid and then make him go wash it all off.
Another important point we've made to difficult child 1 (and now difficult child 3) - based on an old Aussie deodorant ad, "Nobody wastes a wash". This means you need to make sure your underarms don't stink. So you wash, you scrub in fact (I use a facial scouring pad or loofah or something similar). With soap. Then once dry, the kid puts on the strongest antiperspirant I can find on the shelves. Then you put on CLEAN shirt - if the kid puts a smelly shirt back on, it transfers the BO smell back onto the skin. A wasted wash.
Each morning/evening - fresh application of deodorant, whether or not there has been a shower. Also, never put a clean shirt onto a BO body, or you waste the wash (of the clothing). If you remember to take off your shirt, go scrub armpits - never put the BO'd shirt back on, even if it was clean on five minutes before. You've done the damage.
Going to the beach for a swim - come hoome, wash off the sand and salt. Then put on deordorant.
An alternative to showering is the bath. Never use soap in the bath, use detergent instead. Soap is fat-based and will make the bathtub look dirty with a ring around the tub. Bubble bath or shower gel is detergent-based and leaves a clean bath and a clean kid. Put a couple of drops of shower gel onto the loofah or scrub cloth and you will get all the lather you need to get clean. Bath bombs are also good for difficult kids, but avoid te ones with "bits" in them or strong dyes, they can make a mess of the bathtub. You can also make your own bath bombs (I have recipes if you want). I used to use bath bombs as bribes to get difficult child 3 to have a bath when he was younger. He LOVED playing with a bath bomb, I used to use it to scrub him down, he loved the feel of it as it bubbled off his skin.
THis can work.
Mind you, we did go years with difficult child 1 not allowing his hair to be washed. There is an Aussie invention coming out that makes it really easy to wash a kid's hair in the bath without them getting any risk of water in their eyes. It was on a recent episode of "The Inventors" (Aussie ABC TV).
You do whatever you can. But wasting water purely to deceive a parent - that is environmentally reprehensible.
Tell him.
Marg
