Help with my 2 and a half yr old Im running out of ideas and fear he may be autisic

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jakesdaddy1120, Jan 8, 2011.

  1. Hi everyone this is my first time trying to reach out for outside help other than my doctor so please bare with me. Im a 25yr old father of 4(3 boys 1 girl) 3of which live with me and my oldest boy(8) live with his mother. We'll start off when pthe roblems started, when my son Jacob was born he is my 3rd child and he is about 2 and a half now, his mother got post-pardon depression about 3-4 months after he was born. At this time I was working as a welder 7am to 4ish pm, at about 3 months he started to only take to me he couldn't be consoled nor feed by anyone else. We tried everything to get him to eat or even fall asleep with his mother and it was just a big mess. I started to feed him before work, then on my lunch break Id rush home to feed him and return to work. It got to the point were I had condensed both of my 15 min breaks so I could make one more trip home a day so I was working Non stop with out breaks or eating myself... this because a big hazard to myself as Jacob also woke up at around 2am every night and cried nonstop for about an hour or more some nights nothing could console him at 2am not a bottle nor singing and rocking him to sleep, I was only getting about 2-4 asleep a day( and mom was always sleeping due to her depression) I started to fall asleep while driving to work all the time (my doctor called these micro naps) and hurting myself at work due to my lack of judgment, but still maintained my quaility work so I was never fried my bosses were very understanding when I put my 2 week notice in as they were very supportive during this time and told me when I felt everything was under control I could come back. So this is when I decided I was gonna be a stay at home dad till everything fell back into place...... I consulted my doctor many times about the issues I was having I will list them off as I go along
    - 6 months-
    -still putting jacob to bed every night
    -waking up at 2 am for 1-1 1/2 of un consolable crying
    -only using hospital nipples on bottle spent over $70 on nipples in one day to find another nipple to suite him had to go to hospital and ask so a big bag of the nipples
    -cry when someone else tries to feed or even hold him
    At this point my doctor told me Jacob was colic and there was nothing I could but change his formula, put him on gas drops and medications for acid reflux......
    -9 months -
    - all above mentioned issues still remained
    -now anytime i left the room he would cry till i came back Im a smoker and smoke OUTSIDE only so he would crawl to my screen door and watch me till I came in
    -Mom is on Lexipro and Clodipins for depression and anxiety making a little effort to help but in my option he barely knows his mom at this point.
    - at family functions, places with lots of people or when company is over Jacob screams for his life at everyone and only wants me
    Again I spoke with my doctor about my concerns and he continues to reassure me that babys can be colic till 1 years old
    -1 years old -
    -jakes walking and says a few words
    -2am crying is very rare and is easy fix with a kiss and sitting with him till he falls asleep
    -starting to open up to other from a distance but is very playful and sweet in his own environment
    - had mom enroll in mommy and me singing classes to try and create a better bond and separate me and him for time apart( doctors idea).... didn't work moms lexipro was increased
    -mom is pregnant sleeping more again
    -1 1/2 -2years old -
    -speech is still behind and making Jacob frustrated but understands everything you ask him
    - started sleeping in a toddlers bed at 1 1/2 yrs old went very smooth at first then a month later every went south again he would get up after I left the room and scream for about 5-10min them go back to sleep, other nights Id have to rock him back to sleep this I believe to be normal though
    -doesnt want much to due with children his age and only plays with older brother, older sister and him dont get along
    - starts to show signs of autism( my bother even notice it as did others) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) not sure if Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is possible at this age but very strong signs of it
    -still is very atached to me and jealous of new baby Mathew
    -It becomes hard for me to spend any time with mathew due to Jacobs jealousy
    Back to the doctors and had him schedule appointment with Early Intervention they were very booked by the time the appointment was scheduled (1 month has passed) and Jacobs speech picks up so we decided we would hold off (bad idea)
    Which brings me to now Jacob is 2 1/2 years old, his speech is ok but i believe is behind, I tried potty training at 2yrs old that started to work untill one day he decided that was a not going to happen, I would like to try again but with all the stress of just trying to keep him happy or in other sense sane it seems impossible. He is still sleeping in his own room but insist that I sit with him till he falls asleep or some nights lay with him (Im about 5'11'' 200lbs medium to large build so laying in a Buzz Lightyear toddler bed sucks and is verrrry hard to do). He also WILL not go to sleep if there is anything out of place in his room which is kinda nice because his room is always spotless but if something as little as a toy out of the toy box or a pair a pants on his dresser is out of place it is game over till this issue is fixed then he must be tucked in accordingly spread Thomas the Train blanky then a small Cars blanky(Thomas can be switched with Spiderman with no issues BUT Never the Cars Blanky) and juice cup to the left never the right for some reason (he doesnt drink his juice cup but it has to be there for some reason) and binki. Some other things that concern me is he still is my sidekick were every I go and at home I have to do everything or be the last one to touch what he wants. Example if his binki falls or he cant find it he will trow a fight and if someone esle tries to help him by giving him on he with continue his fit till I take it from him or whoever was trying to help and give it back to him this applys to many this, also applies that I have to walk upstairs and hold his hand or carry him down the stairs. I still feel like he is frustrated with not being able to communicate with me properly, he tried so hard but its as if he cant get it out. He also uses words such as puppy, doggy and monkey inplace of objects that he knows their name example a vacuum is a puppy, so is my drill but he knows there names but refuses to use them. He is very good with his brother Mathew but sometimes he will yell at me to "PUT BABY DOOWWN" and demand I hold him. Im struggling to make it by mentally and I would appreciate some help or info not to mention my oldest sons mother is taking me to court for unpaid child support for the last 6month(She doesnt have him her mother does but for some reason Im still supposed to pay her $97 a week she is also not allowed to have contact with him without my or her mother supervision )and the judge is threatening to put me in jail for 6 months, Ive tried to explain my situation with Jacob and still feels that I should put him in daycare or leave him home with mom (neither options I feel safe doing) The more time that goes by I still feel he is learning disabled or autistic I dont know what to do Im running out of time and ideas. I fear the worse if I do goto jail that my son will be lost with out me and have no one to take care of him like I do or have the patience to do so please if you have any info reply
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Sorry you are going through all this. I'm not sure what to tell you except to reschedule that evaluation ASAP. It sounds like it could be autism spectrum or something similar. You need to have him evaluated so you know what you are dealing with and can deal with it appropriately. You might even try to get help from your local Social Services agency. They can provide you with resources and might also be able to help with the child support issue. I'm not positive on that last part but our agency helped me.

    As for the child support, I don't know that there is much you can do. Do they know you are no longer working? What source of income do you have? Does your ex's mother have custody of your son or is he just living there? Would your ex mother in law be willing to help you with the court proceedings to say that your son is living with her not his mother?

    Just some questions. Again, welcome to the board. Others should be along to give better advice than I can.
  3. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Colic? Bad advice. Sounds like your little guy had GERD - gastro esophageal reflux disease. Do you ever recall his throwing his head back and arching his back, this is a symptom of GERD called Sandifer's Syndrome. The baby tried to instinctively elongate the esophagus to relieve GERD symptoms. There's also silent reflux, gagging, excessive swallowing and projectile vomiting, sudden vomiting too. My youngest was a GERD baby.

    As for the rest, I'm no doctor but an Autism mum, sounds like your little guy might be on the spectrum. You can start with a nueropsych assessment with a nuero psychologist or specialist. Best place to start is there and get testing done. Sorry mum went through PPD, I went through it too with all 5 of my kidlets. Welcome to the boards papa bear, you are in good company!
  4. joneshockey

    joneshockey Guest

    Welcome! You will find that everyone here is awesome and a HUGE support. When I found this site a few months ago I was in desperate need of support much like you are right now. I wish that I had some concrete advice for you, but my B1 & B2 are very different than what you are currently going through with your son - so I just wanted to send good wishes out to you and to reassure you that things WILL get better, just hang in there!
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I have to agree with M5, I think there's a lot of autism flags there. Get back on getting a full evaluation for him, there's a lot of therapies, supports, and modifications that can help improve life for him and everyone around him. Courts generally don't care what your situation is so long as you pay, but I've never seen them toss someone in jail so soon. If anything they would make you pay whoever he's living with, so you might do best to go to her for some help sorting out support.
  6. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Don't forget Ross Greene Explosive Child. PM me for links on ebook version. I have found it in PDF format as well.
  7. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I agree that I'd get those evaluations rescheduled as soon as possible. Waiting times for appointments are common so don't let that stop you. It's also common for kids skills to pick up and other issues to surface so I wouldn't let be a guide either.

    Sometimes you can pick up a quicker appointment by asking to be put on the cancellation list.
  8. Sorry I didn't respond sooner I trying the other day and I think I took to long writing my response. But just a little update I spoke with my doctor earlier and I am waiting for a call back for an appointment. I'm just wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to get Jacob more focused on learning new things? Ive been trying to read to him and thats going ok but he becomes frustrated when asking/telling me about curtain things he can get out I know hes trying really hard and it upsets me to see him soo mad/confused.. He has absolutely no interest in TV unless its music lol he even turns it off on his brothers and sister and yells at them and tells them NO Tv OOOHKayyy( this is amusing for me and Jake not so much for everyone else). Thank you for all your support so far Im glad I came here for support.
  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Good work on contacting the doctor.

    I think until you've had the assessment and know what sorts of issues he's dealing with, I wouldn't worry so much about learning, academics, etc. Go with the things he likes so if for now that's music, that's okay. Some 2 1/2 year old boys just aren't into tv or books so I'd just go with the flow. I would redirect him when he's disrupting others like turning off the tv though.
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Music is good. Find a variety and expose him to a wide range of things. He may find the predictable beats to be comforting, and classic music with 60 beats/minute may soothe him more. Every kid is different, so you could just work on expanding his experience if that appeals to you both. I know songs by Johnny Horton that I heard when I was young got me asking my dad about the stories/history behind the songs.
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Music is a wonderful tool for communication. You might even get him to "sing-song" different words to you. Little silly rhyming word songs might get his attention.

    If he is on the spectrum, try playing with different textured materials and see if he might have some sensory issues. Do tags on his clothess drive him nuts? Certain types of food set him off? Textures can be a huge issue. Believe it or not, sitting with him in a high chair and playing with play-doh, theraputty, moon dough, etc (non-toxic - some of these little buggers - like my 2 year old daughter-stick EVERYTHING in her mouth!) lets him use his imagination, tone the muscles in his hands and allow him to explore new things.

    Building blocks, mega blocks, etc. can be fun if you can engage him in these things. It helps him manipulate and helps his fine-motor.

    Have you called Early Intervention? You don't need a diagnosis and if you get approved, you can get Speech, Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists, etc. at no cost to you AND they do it in your home with your input and supervision. It might also help him acclimate to new people. He'll age out at 3, but then the Dept. of Education sets this stuff up for you. I don't know if you're in the US, but if you are, I can help you search it on-line OR you can call your pediatrician.

    It's 11:00 here, the snow is blowing pretty hard, so I have to get up at the crack of dawn to dig us out, so I'm jumping off now.

    Welcome to the crowd! You sound like you've got your hands full and we're all here to lend a shoulder!

    Feel better - you've got us in your corner now! :hugs:

  12. april222999

    april222999 New Member

    reminds me of my son who is now 7 and diagnosed with mild asbergers adhd but when he was a baby man was he difficult like that they switched milks on him said he was colic nothing they could do, I had to rock him constantly in his carseat to calm him down he would cry and scream it was madness. my older daughter got neglected because I didn't have the help of the father he was useless. It was crazy and it still is I still don't have it together here I hope that doesn't make you feel bad. You definitely need to get him into early intervention and evaluated. Therapists are your best bet for breaking him away from you. It's to bad that his mom isn't able to help I am assuming since you had another child following shes doing better? It seems like your overwhelmed and having an older child who needs support also? I don't know if anyone agrees with me here but you might have to force him to connect with his mom or someone else so that you can function yourself work or whatever. I know it sounds cruel to let him cry but he will learn to manage? Just an idea because going to jail is not an option and being his caretaker 24/7 not really working.