Help with pedophile teenager

[gijane]

So my son's school, a school for kids on the spectrum, says it's fine for him to be there considering what he has done. He is watched, after all. "This is classic Asperger's - lack impulse control, poor judgment." (Don't think so -yes, all that, but not sexual predator behavior) Ok. So why am I feeling like some monster who is trying to ruin my son by telling them this is more serious than they know? Has the world gone mad?
And to think his doctor thought he should not be going to school because of the other children being vulnerable to his antics. My ex has been taking him all along to school - like nothing happened.

 

[BusynMember]

It's not typical Aspergers.

I have a son on the spectrum and was in a big support group with tons of kids. We shared stories but nobody had a story like this.

I truly don't know what it is, but I'm surprised the school is so relaxed about it unless husband minimized behavior.

 

[gijane]

It's that gut feeling, isn't it? Maybe they worry about losing tuition? And this was the head of the school emeritus. She has heard of things like this. Huh? I am surprised too about the minimization of his actions.

"How could you possibly believe I'm molesting people! Who the hell do you think I am! Look, I can handle a lot, I've got a good share of debilitating issues, I know the unappealing sides to being alive quite well, but how dare you take away my one safe place. I am happy an __. I don't wanna be dead when I'm at __. When I'm there I don't feel any guilt for existing, I feel like people want me to be there. It means the world to me that they would be upset if I left. I've been passive for a long time, I am a defeatist for good reason, but I will not stand by while you tear to shreds the last bit of happiness in my life. Get a goddamn yearbook, search through all the faces, all the names. I dare you to say you recognize those kids from anything you might've found! I can handle the fact that I will never be able to like myself, I can deal with the fact that my siblings adamantly want me dead. I can live with the fact that my mo I deserve those things, I don't deserve to be happy. I never chose to be anything, I didn't hand-pick my flaws! I didn't make a conscious decision to waste all of my gifts! I can't"

^from my son.
Manipulation to me.

 

[mof]

Wow...so hard.

Hugs...doesn't seem like just on the spectrum to me.

 

[ksm]

Gijane... I know it has probably been a long hard week for you. How are things going? Has DCF interviewed your family?

Keep in touch...

KSM

 

[RN0441]

GI Jane

I have been following along and wanted to offer my support. I have been through hell with mine too like others on the forum but a different kind.

I am thinking if it were me I'd need to talk to a professional about all of this. A therapist perhaps? I am wondering how you are keeping your sanity in all of this?

 

[PiscesMom]

Reading thru all of this - GIJane, sounds like you are doing everything right. Hugs! And - this forum is a lifesaver!

 

[gijane]

Hello all. I'm sorry for the lapse. In the thick of it all, and unimaginably difficult. His dad bought my son a new phone and a new car. And he is enabling him to become a perpetrator in every way imaginable. Our police department is gathering their wagons to move in on the two of them, but I've just been told by my ex that he booked tickets to travel to Wisconsin to visit his brother and two children from Dec 23-27. I know he did not reveal why's is coming to visit with only my son. My ex sister in law is a good friend from college, but sometimes we go for months without talking to each other - you know how that is. He booked tickets without my permission. I will fill you in on the details as they come in, but this is a brief update.
So grateful to you all. Blessings to you for the holidays.
And to think I usually love this time of year.

 

[JRC]

GI Jane I just read through this entire thread. I am so sorry you are going through such a heartbreaking situation. I have no advice to give after reading through the incredible advice the other women have offered. But I do want to say that I am in awe of your strength and moral compass.

I also want to say that your ex sounds like a supreme douchebag. In fact, that's an understatement. I'm so glad you kicked him to the curb a long time ago. It's unfortunate that he is the co-parent here. Does your ex sister-in-law have kids? I might send her a heads up.

 

[susiestar]

You are in such a horrible situation. Your ex certainly is sending all the wrong messages, isn't he? I don't think I could stand by while my ex took my disturbed child to visit my friend and her children. Not when it put her children in such danger. Of course you probably should speak to your attorney first. What are the legalities of him taking your son out of state regarding the custody arrangements? I know some divorce situations require the permission of the other parent or it is an illegal act. Other divorce decrees don't include this. It just all depends. I would still have to at least warn her if it was at all possible. I might even tell the police that he was leaving town with the boy.

I truly hate for you to be stuck in this situation. It would be bad enough with a son who has such disturbing predilections, but then to have an ex that you must co-parent with who is determined to reward the horribly inappropriate behavior just makes it all so much worse.

Know that no matter how bad it gets, we are here for you and we won't judge you or think worse of you. We know you are doing the best you can and making the best possible out of a truly horrible situation, with absolutely no good options available to choose from. (((((hugs)))))

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

I am a special education teacher and have taught, still teach plenty of students with high functioning autism/Asperger's. Before I obtained my teaching license I worked as an assistant at a locked home for young men with sexually problematic behavior.

Your son, if these accusations are all true, has a paraphilia in addition to his learning and behavior differences. This has nothing to do with his autism diagnosis. It is a separate thing much like hair and eye color are separate things. I am not surprised the school is not acknowledging the paraphilia as it does not fall under their umbrella therapeutically speaking. This type of thing requires highly specialized treatment that they cannot offer. They must feel that their level of supervision allows him to remain there safely.

Don't fall for the gaslighting by your ex husband and son. As so many others have already counseled, your son is dangerously mentally ill and needs to be isolated from others, particularly children to whom he may be attracted. If your ex husband drops your son off at your home, I would call the police immediately and have him handed over into their custody. Given the police reports of this situation I am sure all would agree he cannot be in your home with younger siblings he has served on a platter to pedophiles. And don't tell your ex husband this. Don't engage with him. Just do it and let him find out from the proper authorities.

I am concerned he might be planning to make a run for it with your son on this out of state vacation. He knows the seriousness of the situation your kid is facing. I might report this to the cops both in your local jurisdiction and the jurisdiction to which he claims to be traveling so they can keep an eye on him.

None of this is your fault; some people are just too ill to function in society. I am sorry your boy is so deeply broken at this point and I hope he will get therapy.

Do your best to have a happy holiday with your other children. I am so sorry for your pain at this time.

 

[BusynMember]

Some people are making this about your ex. Obviously ex is vile but this is your sons VERY serious behavior, which can land him on a list for pedophiles and jail. I don't know if he can be fixed. The cure rate for pedophilia is not good. But he needs all the appropriate therapy he can get....have to try.

I think residential therapy is the only solution.

Your ex is no Prince but your son is not the only child exposed to child pin and they don't all end up liking it. Your son needs to be watched and monitored.

I hope everything works out for the possible best outcome for all, whatever that is. This is awful. Been there.

 

[wisernow]

It is okay to not like your child especially if he has put yourself and your other children at risk. Protecting yourself and your other children should be your first priority. My wish for you is that you can step back a few steps, find some peace within yourself. The answers are there for you, but your mind may be too clouded to hear them. Hugs!