Help with teachers and my child... please read.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bmaejohnson, Sep 2, 2010.

  1. bmaejohnson

    bmaejohnson Guest

    I have a 7 year old boy who is in 2nd grade. He is on an EIP at school but his teacher is still complaining. Now so far my child is making A's and B's all excpet 1 60 he got on a reading test, other than that lowest grade is a 88. The teacher sent home a not about him not staying on task, not completing homework and not listening. My son has ADHD and is on Adderall XR 20mg every morning and Risperdal .5 mg every morning and 1mg at night. The teacher knows he is on medications for ADHD and told me she thinks he needs to be re-evaluated cause she does not think the medications are working. How can I get her to understand he is 7 with ADHD and is not going to be the perfect child she wants in class. I am having him re-evaluated but he is still not going to be perfect. She said he does not do all his homework (he does not bring it home everyday) He gets atleast 2 pages of homework everyday. He is not good with math and is is very hard to get him to do the math home work because he get frustrated with it, and yet some day she sends home 3 to 4 pages of homework and half will be math. It is not every other day it is every day. Any ideas how to get her to slack off.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and welcome--

    It sounds like you need to start by sitting down with this teacher to find out exactly what the issues in class are. AND trying to see whether some simple, common sense solutions can be found.

    For example: You will ensure that homework goes back to school if the teacher will ensure that the correct homework goes home each night. This probably means that the teacher (or an aid) will have to physically place the homework in the child's bookbag. The parent will go through the child's bag, review anything that has been sent home and physically place the homework to be returned in the child's bookbag for the next day.

    This should be a good place to start...
  3. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Three words for you - Integrated Education Plan (IEP). With his current evaluation take it into the Sped (Special Education) and principle and request a specific IEP for him that can reduce some of the homework load and give him some specialized educational help. For example, on my oldest IEP it lists his disabilities, ADHD\Sensory Integration Disorder (SID)\ODD and lists his strengths with his weaknesses and what specifically works for him as a teaching method and what areas need a teachers assistant and he has his SPED classes separate and integrated into the mainstream class.

    Be specific about what you want to see on the IEP - I find Canadian school boards and the School Act here gives the parent more power over what goes on and doesn't on the IEPs. I've been able to get a tutor\sped teacher for him in a mainstream class. I believe there is another set of documents in the American school board system (don't remember the name of it) that is similar but with more of a broad ability to specify the needs?

    You can also write a note back to the teacher as well be firm with her.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Jett is actually pretty good with math, but reading is a struggle. So what I did for a couple of years was break it down. 4 pages of homework? OK - do one, break for 15 minutes, do one, etc.

    Now when it's the stuff he is REALLY having problems with? Maybe half a page. Or... Have him start at the beginning, if he starts to get frustrated with one problem go to the next. When he reaches the end, have him work back up (end to beginning) on the ones he couldn't get.

    IEP - yes, you CAN have them reduce homework. in my opinion, homework should be 1) stuff that didn't get finished in class or 2) stuff to reinforce the lesson - NOT BUSY WORK like much of it seems to be.

    And... I've never met a 7-y/o that could stay ON TASK all the time. difficult child or easy child. Heck, I'm 37 and can't do that!

    Our kids' old elementary school took away recess and/or had closed lunches for unifnished work. Strangely, the kids had more and more unfinished work... Till we went to the board with Jett's IEP.
  5. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    We have lots of ADHD in our family. There are many strategies the teacher should be using to support it. From the type of seat, pencils, class placement (ie. on the side of the room so he can wiggle without distracting others). It sounds like she dose not understand ADHD much and should be educated better. For my youngest we had on his IEP that an ade would check to make sure he had all his homework written down and all book etc needed to do it in his bag. We still had days when it was not all there, but it helped. He also had "sitting next to a friend, so that the friend could help keep him on track" as an accommodation.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It sounds like he already has an IEP (EIP??). If so, what accomodations are already listed in it?
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I haven't read all the responses, and don't have time to say much, but 2 worksheets every day seems like a lot, esp for a child who has already spent the day doing activities that are very hard for him. maybe the IEP needs to be modified to say he does no homework because it simply is too much and then he doesn't have time to work out the energy he needs to release. Also, by the time he comes home his medications are wearing off and he is not going to be able to do homework with-o a giant battle.

    in my opinion there is a LOT more to be done each night than fight over homework. You still have a family and need to spend time enjoying each other's company as a family, not spending the night having wars over homework. Tell school when he is older and more able to take care of his own things then you will fight over homework. Otherwise they have all day at school to deal with what needs to be done - nights are short and for family and NOT for more battles with an exhausted, unmedicated kid.

    They may not like it, but they don't live at your home.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Don't be too hard on the teacher, not until you've had a chance to sit down and listen, and then talk. The teacher knows this is a bright kid and is frustrated at the apparent lack of consistency in his results. And from the teacher's point of view, she has seen other cases where a kid suddenly drops below their standard for reasons which can be improved with intervention of some sort.

    Whatever you are privately thinking about the teacher, go in there (meet with the teacher) with an air of "Let us work together to help this child."

    Something is not working, and fairly recently. The teacher in this case seems to have been the first one to notice, perhaps because this is a problems first showing up in school rather than at home.

    It could be a false alarm, or it could be a change in direction of your son's ADHD. A good teacher will report a concern so you can then communicate back, and also if you feel you need to, with the specialist.

    Far better to have an early (maybe false) warning, than to not be told of problems until the yearly report comes in.

    Talk to the teacher, if after you meet you feel the pressure is too great then discuss with the teacher some options to reduce the workload in areas your son is struggling, and perhaps determine where he is having difficulty and where he is still achieving at a high level. Then see if you can use the high abilities to resolve the learning problems possibly beginning to emerge.

    We've been through this with our kids. With easy child 2/difficult child 2, initially she was deliberately dumbing down in school because she hated being called a nerd. On the one hand she was doing the work for other kids to help them get through, but neglecting her own or deliberately getting it wrong, in order to be more popular. We finally said to her, "You are a bright kid. When you do worse than your best, you will not feel so good about yourself. That is not healthy for you. It is also a bad habit to get into. Also, when you do other kids' work for them, the teacher doesn't get to know where they need help. The teacher may push them further ahead than they are really ready, and their learning will suffer later on. It's always best to be honest. And because you're a smart kid, you will always have friends, and always have enemies. Like everybody. Better to have people feel the way they do about you because of who you really are, than because of who they think you really are."

    We also told her that a true friend would love her for who she is, and would not want her to choose to do badly, to make them feel better. Someone who wants her to do badly is NOT a true friend, it is someone who is jealous and knows they can't work to her standard; they want her to do badly to give them a better chance, but winning under those conditions is not a win and it is not right.

    She had to choose - be popular, maybe; or do well. And in 20 years time, a choice to do well would still be seeing her right. A choice to be popular would see her still needing to make new friends as her circle of contacts would always be changing through life. Now she is 24, she has lost contact with any of those who she was friends with in elementary school. She has a lot of friends, she is happy in their company, and they rejoice when she achieves. She made a good choice.

    But part of her problem also, was hitting the wall academically and socially despite brilliant beginnings. Watch for this - we didn't believe it at first either. I wish we had.

  9. Jena

    Jena New Member


    You got alot of great responses. I've come to learn thru the years to take it all with- a grain of salt until i sit down face to face with-the teacher. alot of times things can be misunderstood until a face to face mtg. so id' probably do that first.

    than i too suggest you review his iep and accommodations, and yes she needs to ensure that hw goes home in order for him to even begin to attempt to complete it. one thing i found helpful was a teacher/parent log book. just for communication between teacher and myself. we also initialized hw, the teacher when she assisted putting it in back pack did her initials in the bk and me when she completed at home.

    sounds like he's really bright and able to master what he's taught, any 7 year old i've ever known cant' sit still lol. my stepson has add pretty bad during school year. the teacher allows for him to get up and walk around the class or do chores for the teacher to break up the sitting all day. seems to help him and than he's able to refocus once he sits back down. it's such a long day for them at that age or any age!

    good luck!!! and if they meeting doesn't work than id' turn nasty if i kept getting complaints. yet give her the benefit of the doubt right now till you see what the real issues are or arent.
  10. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member


    in my humble opinion try some CPS with the teacher - let her put her concerns on the table , then put your concerns on the table and then find solutions that will address both concerns

    check - lost at school by Ross Greene - a working with approach great for teachers and parents

  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I fully agree, Allen. I have found "Explosive Child" methods work very well on Dept of Ed or any other large unwieldy organisation, at both the individual level and corporate. I firmly believe the Dept of Ed meets the criteria for autism - communication difficulties; problems with social interaction; blind adherence to the rules as they perceive them to be. And more. That thougt has got me through a lot of difficult interactions, enabled me to be patient but firmly consistent, as with my own autistic child.