Help!!!!!

meowbunny

New Member
Vicki, I wasn't trying to criticize. I do understand your anger and frustration. I just wanted you to be sure that you're not reacting to things out of anger. No matter how good the reasons, she is still a little girl who is hurting. Your posts of late have truly shown so much anger. Anger at Aly. Anger at husband. This was the first time in a long time that you've mentioned how much you truly love her. It was good to see it.

I'm glad to hear that you tell Aly how much you love her on a frequent basis. That hasn't been coming across in recent posts and it had me worried.

I know there were times when I truly did not like my daughter and, sadly, I treated her accordingly. I didn't mean to but it was in my face, my body language, my words. Some of it I couldn't help, some of it I could have stopped had someone pointed out to me how much I was hurting the person I loved most in this world. That was what I was trying to do. It is too easy to get lost in our pain and frustration and forget to see where we are hurting others. It is not done out of meanness, but out of a lack of awareness. At least that was the case with me. I would tell my daughter I loved her but I forgot to show her that I loved her. There was little laughter, little of the things that made our relationship special. As I said, I wish someone had told me the message I was inadvertantly giving my child. That's what I was trying to do with you.
 

Jungleland

Welcome to my jungle!
MB,

Thank you. I do get what you are saying. I think it is partially true. I am angry, too angry at times and I need to get past these feelings and back to a place of kindness. I am glad that these posts are on here, it has opened my eyes to the negativity I was living in. But so much has happened in the past year or so that I think I got kinda stuck in a haze of negativitiy and ugliness. I am pulling out of it, slowly but surely. Not healthy for anyone!!

I do love my children, all 4 of them, very very much. I don't always like them or the choices they make and I think I get angry and post and it shows so much more than the love I feel for them.

My anger towards "D"H will be harder to get past, but I am working on it. He has really been trying to parent Aly lately and not just be her friend. Other than the incident this past weekend, Aly has been doing pretty well.

Anyways, just wanted to say thank you for opening my eyes. Was a bit painful, but all good lessons can be, right?

Hugs,
Vickie
 

meowbunny

New Member
Vicki, I hope you don't take this wrong but I thought maybe if I gave you a slightly different perspective on your husband's actions, it might take a little of the anger away. I should have said something when the broken arm incident first occurred, but you were in so much pain and so angry, I was afraid to say anything.

I remember how upset you were that your husband ran to Aly rather than you that day. Quite honestly, I would have done the same thing he did. You were an adult. Yes, an adult in pain but you understood what had happened. Aly was a child who had done something horrible to the person she loved in a fit of anger. I can only imagine her pain, fear and confusion. As much as I might have loved the injured adult, I would have felt compelled to see to my child first. As bad as physical pain is, unless there is a mortal danger, I think the emotional needs of a child have to come first. Now, I doubt your husband was reasoning it out like this, but I think somewhere inside of him this was the gut reaction.

I know there is more to your anger than just this one incident but I wanted to put at least this one thing in a different perspective.

I'm not trying to negate your pain nor deny you your right to be angry, just trying to give you something more to mull over (can't let that mind get too dull, can we?).
 
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