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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 64635" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>Kitty, what you are feeling is guilt. You cannot let it rule your life.</p><p>I understand every point you are making. You had no mom after age 10, so if your son screwed up, you can possible blame yourself, because maybe you screwed up. Stop. You did the best you could, and you were dealt a crummy hand in life to start with. So let's say your son was dealt a crummy hand. He has to learn to do the best he can. and currently he is not. The longer you enable him, the longer he could continue being irresponsible.</p><p></p><p>Yes, you were proud of him that he was in a good phase of his life when he saved up for the car. He is not in a good place right now. Natural consequences is that he loses his car. If I was in a good place, making money, and I bought a car, and a year later lost my job, the finance company would not be coddling me because I fell on hard times. They take away the car. Natural consequences.</p><p></p><p>That is detaching, letting things follow the natural order. Maybe next time he has to save his money for a beater car. He will have learned his lesson then, won't he.</p><p></p><p>Let go. It is not your fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 64635, member: 3647"] Kitty, what you are feeling is guilt. You cannot let it rule your life. I understand every point you are making. You had no mom after age 10, so if your son screwed up, you can possible blame yourself, because maybe you screwed up. Stop. You did the best you could, and you were dealt a crummy hand in life to start with. So let's say your son was dealt a crummy hand. He has to learn to do the best he can. and currently he is not. The longer you enable him, the longer he could continue being irresponsible. Yes, you were proud of him that he was in a good phase of his life when he saved up for the car. He is not in a good place right now. Natural consequences is that he loses his car. If I was in a good place, making money, and I bought a car, and a year later lost my job, the finance company would not be coddling me because I fell on hard times. They take away the car. Natural consequences. That is detaching, letting things follow the natural order. Maybe next time he has to save his money for a beater car. He will have learned his lesson then, won't he. Let go. It is not your fault. [/QUOTE]
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