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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 751165" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p>Hi Terry-overwhelmed, You truly have your hands full and your innocent grandchildren are very lucky to have you. I have been where you are except I did not have grandchildren. My daughter kept making medical reasons as the reason she would not take wings and fly right. I was a sucker for that for many years. The waste of money I have spend on her in unbelievable. There was such an unbalanced feeling to my relationship with her, me giving 200% and her not giving anything but taking more. The more I gave the more she took. I worried about her 24/7. She made up all kinds of medical problems, YES, MADE UP. She made up problems because she knew it would effect my heart and I would keep supporting her. I was always overwhelmed with worry for her and her future. I remember clearly one day when I bought her food and clothes and she talked very abusive to me.. Something snapped in my head and my inner voice said 'Stop the abuse to you NOW' Right then and there I decided the best course of action for me was to cut her off, meaning not saying a word to her, stopping all money flowing to her, not answering the phone or door when she came over. I imagined a huge heave ho like I pushed her out of the nest and did not ask her but told her to fly. I did this for 3 months. After 3 months I noticed a much better difference and the abuse was cut by 75%. She instinctively knew I had the strength to do that and it changed her in a big way. She did not have a choice to keep sucking me dry, the bank of mom had ended. I must admit that doing this was a bit harder than burying my son but I knew that her self made madness had to end. I simply could not live with that type of abuse and Lord knows I had put up with it for many, many years. I just could not continue with what I was doing because I thought I was helping but in reality I was keeping her stuck, way stuck. She actually needed to suffer hard so she could learn how to grow up. She needed to experience deep down hardship to be able to pull up. She wallowed in hardship and I looked the other way, hardest thing I ever did but the best thing I ever did too. You have to have she balls of steel to be able to do this. I prayed deeply for God to guide me and guide me to do something that will work. My life with my daughter is by NO means easy now but better than years before. She knows that bank of mom is closed. She knows she has to be gainfully employed or else she is back to living in poverty. My daughter has many problems along with borderline/bipolar, TMJ, and other kind of weird disorders. </p><p></p><p>I still buy her things but it is when I want to and when she has shown good behavior. I see that she is trying to balance the relationship and she buys me things here and there or sends nice emails and texts. I thought I would never get to a place where I felt there was balance. But I knew she would not change and it had to be me to make the changes. My daughter was damaging my health and I had to remember I still was a daughter to my parents, sibling to my siblings, friend to my friends and I like to volunteer for different things and all that was taken from worry over her. She was ripping me off, stealing my life and filling it with junk decisions, junk people and junk living. I pulled out and away. BEST decision ever, hardest decision ever. I pray for you. I pray for your strength and for God's sake I pray your son will take wings and grow up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 751165, member: 22416"] Hi Terry-overwhelmed, You truly have your hands full and your innocent grandchildren are very lucky to have you. I have been where you are except I did not have grandchildren. My daughter kept making medical reasons as the reason she would not take wings and fly right. I was a sucker for that for many years. The waste of money I have spend on her in unbelievable. There was such an unbalanced feeling to my relationship with her, me giving 200% and her not giving anything but taking more. The more I gave the more she took. I worried about her 24/7. She made up all kinds of medical problems, YES, MADE UP. She made up problems because she knew it would effect my heart and I would keep supporting her. I was always overwhelmed with worry for her and her future. I remember clearly one day when I bought her food and clothes and she talked very abusive to me.. Something snapped in my head and my inner voice said 'Stop the abuse to you NOW' Right then and there I decided the best course of action for me was to cut her off, meaning not saying a word to her, stopping all money flowing to her, not answering the phone or door when she came over. I imagined a huge heave ho like I pushed her out of the nest and did not ask her but told her to fly. I did this for 3 months. After 3 months I noticed a much better difference and the abuse was cut by 75%. She instinctively knew I had the strength to do that and it changed her in a big way. She did not have a choice to keep sucking me dry, the bank of mom had ended. I must admit that doing this was a bit harder than burying my son but I knew that her self made madness had to end. I simply could not live with that type of abuse and Lord knows I had put up with it for many, many years. I just could not continue with what I was doing because I thought I was helping but in reality I was keeping her stuck, way stuck. She actually needed to suffer hard so she could learn how to grow up. She needed to experience deep down hardship to be able to pull up. She wallowed in hardship and I looked the other way, hardest thing I ever did but the best thing I ever did too. You have to have she balls of steel to be able to do this. I prayed deeply for God to guide me and guide me to do something that will work. My life with my daughter is by NO means easy now but better than years before. She knows that bank of mom is closed. She knows she has to be gainfully employed or else she is back to living in poverty. My daughter has many problems along with borderline/bipolar, TMJ, and other kind of weird disorders. I still buy her things but it is when I want to and when she has shown good behavior. I see that she is trying to balance the relationship and she buys me things here and there or sends nice emails and texts. I thought I would never get to a place where I felt there was balance. But I knew she would not change and it had to be me to make the changes. My daughter was damaging my health and I had to remember I still was a daughter to my parents, sibling to my siblings, friend to my friends and I like to volunteer for different things and all that was taken from worry over her. She was ripping me off, stealing my life and filling it with junk decisions, junk people and junk living. I pulled out and away. BEST decision ever, hardest decision ever. I pray for you. I pray for your strength and for God's sake I pray your son will take wings and grow up. [/QUOTE]
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