I know this is long... But I can not find input or anyplace to go to for outside the box perspective. I am a single Dad, Mother of child (14.5 years old) left when he was 18 months old, found her at his request when he was 11. After a year of letters and request to her parents to help me let her know her Son wanted to know her and visit her, Finally got a call from her, I took him to her 600 miles away so he could meet her, went fine. Phone contact was constant, I told her I simply wanted her to be a Mom to him in some form. She visited a couple of months later, I even allowed alone time for many hours, seemed to go fine he of course loved it. Months went by phone calls continued promises of other visits never happened for one reason or another, she gets pregnant and now she can not travel, she wants me to bring Son to her to visit I refuse, explain this is her duty to have a relationship. Baby is born, by this time I am going through pure hell, he is sent home from school 12 to 18 times over the next 3 years for stupid things, cussing, pulling fire alarm, not doing as told ect ect... During same time, he breaks into 2 different houses for no reason put to look at video games, none stolen, caught both times by folks IN THE HOUSE at the time. He goes to detention center spent about 6 months in detention over a 18 month period of time for other things like, taking my car and wrecking it, skipping school while hiding in the school.. ect ect.. Most of this happened in last 1.5 years, I answered the phone one day she was on the line, I told her enough is enough you either be "some sort of a Mom, or get the hell out of his life" she hung up and zero contact since then, even after him calling for about a year leaving voice mails for her to call back, then she disconnects the phone number, still zero contact.. All the while I am dealing with courts, I have been evicted 3 times from homes, had charges filed against me for trying to protect my Son, (dropped after judge saw what really went on) being sued by the apts that evicted us (for him breaking into other apts) for breaking the lease. He has been on probation for over 3 years now, DSS, Many different family therapist and counselors in office and in home visits, lost a great job... I got mad at boss and cussed!! Imagine that during all this going on in personal life. Fighting with courts for some help, what to do looked at treatment places, camp seemed only option, boot camp.. no way, boarding school.. nope not willing to deal with issues.. He is ADHD, ODD, PTSS... (I think bi-polar) ( yea not a new issue always been on a IEP in school, smart as kid for sure IQ is 129 - Failed each school year, but took EOG and passed every year and moved to next grade because he passed in higher percentile than most kids in the state. OK, now reason for my post here, I WANT my Son back! He has been gone for over 4 months now at a GREAT place in NC. At first he did great, then he ran away found very fast (with in 2 hours) then all hell broke loose, he fought everything and everyone (not physical) he is allot like me, he needs his family he is very needy in that way he loves me and would do anything just to have attention from me. (But of course not much of that at camp) They took him off his medications, right before he ran the first time, he was on Dextrostat 3 times a day and clonodine for sleep at night. They had him off for 6 weeks all medications, put on another after he ran away the second time, about 4 pm one Saturday at 10pm that night they called me and said he was not found but they were all going to bed and would call me in the AM, think I got mad? yep.. I went to the camp arrived about midnight... met the police there, and continued to look for him ALONE in the woods in the dark crying my eyes out dying inside knowing no one in the world knew where my baby was but him and God, and doing all I could to stop thinking of some freak seeing him and picking him up for one reason or the other. I stayed till about 4 or 5 am and drove back home knowing I was accomplishing nothing, I got a call at 8.30am he would found about 15 miles from the camp by police. PHEW I met with the camp that next day Monday... I was , but they said nothing they could do they will not search in the dark for kids, when kids leave they are always found looking at night.. worthless. I told them medications, it is clear impulses have and still are a huge issue he does something, then after it is done he then knows... oh I messed up. So they put him on .5mg Adderall. It seemed to work pretty fast, but also I had a new game plan for them to try... if you do what your should then you can gain time to spend with Dad... Wow a different kid, he could do no wrong.. he gained his time I saw him almost two times a week for a month... Life was great I loved it he loved it... (remember I lost my job a year ago, so I had the time) - Well now things a bit different, I think the "time" he got with Dad is more than they (camp) could take, (of course he was with in eye view of someone during all visits, a normal thing at his level) So now they try, "time with the campus dog" ... Well I have family day this Saturday... he is not doing so well, he feels he "can't" do it.. As he says, there is so many little things that have to come together in behavior and actions, to move up in the program he feels overwhelmed (my words). He continues to ask me, how long do I have to stay Daddy, do I have to graduate, or get to some level to come home? I have no answer for him.... I want him home too.. I can say he is a different child as far as he knows if he messes up big time again he will be in boot camp per the judge, (he has plenty of points on his juvy record to send him now) he has not been able to visit home one time in the over 4 months he has been there... First hope is an over night 24 hour visit for Christmas, IF he goes up a level and he just got turned down for it today... (forgot his water bottle a couple of times behind so the group had to go back to get it in the last week) I want my Son, I feel like it was my fault as I should not of contacted his Mother as like I have been told by some it is my fault if she wanted anything to do with him she would have not left him in the first place, but others have also said you do what you can to help your child so that he can not come back later and say you did not allow me to have my Mom. So now I am trying to get her to contact him again, she will not respond I am keeping all proof of my contact with her so he will see I have tried, but he wants me to try, he says he wants his Mom to be a part of his treatment... But to no avail .. last week he asked for her address, first time he has asked in well over a year and a half. I am being honest here now... this whole experience has taken a toll on me, I am flat out drinking almost everyday now, I cry at EVERYTHING I miss my baby so much and I feel God gave him to me and I won custody because I was best for him... But I also know he may be getting the best help he could be getting, then again he is so much like me... family is everything he needs to feel the love and he wants to give the love.. He is hurt.. and I have said so many times to so many people.. Can you imagine, your own Mom refusing to be part of your life? I do not care how the lady feels about me for divorcing her or for any reason, no matter what I could never ever not be a part of my Sons life.... I feel and fight daily with .. just go get him bring him home and do it right this time, start going to church stop drinking and be his Daddy... But I do NOT want to mess up his chance IF this is truly his chance... He has so high hopes for a future I know the camp is first rate, it took 3 years to get him in, it cost over 5k a month... I ave major issues with no support group for parents, yea we have "parent support" meetings for the few parents that show up one time a month and the time is used for a counselor just to give updates on new things or what have you... There is no forum to discuss with current or past parents.. Man I am just hurting.. I am so tired of crying at every kid I see in a TV commercial or what ever... I WANT MY SON... but I do not want to harm him more by ebing with him if this is the right place to help him... makes no sense I am sure!