Here we go again...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KTMom91, May 12, 2008.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hubby needs a tie for #2's wedding on Saturday, and since I know Wonder J's mom has very little money, I was willing to get him a pair of shoes to wear to the wedding, if they were reasonably priced, so the kid wouldn't be embarrassed wearing tennies with holes in them. Miss KT and I head off to the store; I head for ties, she heads for shoes. She appears in about two minutes and asks what she's supposed to be looking for. I remind her to look for shoes for Wonder J, but she wants me to help. We look at shoes, but she's stuck in that groove of I don't know I don't know I don't know. How do I know what the kid would wear? That's why I brought her along! After several minutes of I don't know I don't know I don't know, I said calmly, "Then I guess we're done here." And I went back to the ties. She followed me, complaining all the way. I did my best to block it out, but...when she started with "Well, YOU wanted..." I turned to her, looked right in her eyes, and said "Quiet. I do not want to hear another thing from you." And we left.

    Now she's calling her father to go live with him, because she hates me, I hate her, she hates Hubby, she doesn't want to live here anymore...why does such a simple thing as a fast trip to the store have to turn into a major lifechanging battle, with hurt feelings and tears?
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    In that case, I wonder if a little reverse psychology would have worked on her. If you had said "Oh, ok- I thought you had good taste in shoes for X, but that's ok, I'll pick them out. Do you want to sit and wait for me?" Then, start picking them out. I don't know if this would have worked for yours, but there is a good chance that my difficult child would have first, would have stayed by my side to see which ones I was looking at, second, told me how those shoes just wouldn't cut it, then third, said "why don't you get something like this".

    Just a thought- and I understand, many times it just depends on their mood and how much more my nerves can take, if any!!
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    With all due respect, why would you expect a 16-year-old girl to be able to pick out shoes for this Wonder J (her step-brother?). Why didn't you just pick out some dress shoes and leave the store?
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Maybe a "I am sorry about this afternoon. I just thought you would know more about shoes than I do. I notice that you seem to know what the latest fashions are. However, I suppose most shoes you see around on people's feet are tennis shoes. Don't be upset with me, I just thought this was something we could do together but it didn't work that way today."

    My easy child has a large sense of fashion - always has - and I could care less what people wear so I will sometimes ask for her input.
  5. Christy

    Christy New Member

    You tried to do a good thing. I'm sorry that difficult child is so upset but it is hard to reason with the irrational. Let this tantrum run its course and I am sure she will move on to another topic of great distress.

    Sorry that you trying to be nice led to you being the victim of an emotional rant. difficult child was probably worried about picking the wrong shoes, felt anxious, and instead of admitting that, she turned on you. My difficult child has severe anxiety in toy stores. He simply cannot choose a toy. He picks something up, puts it back down, wonders around getting more and more agaitated. Even if he chooses something, he often tries to change his mind once we get home. What started out as a fun reward turns into an emotional meltdown.

    I guess this is why they say that the road to h*ll is paved with good intentions!
  6. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member's "simple". That is how they least that's how I see it when it comes to my difficult child. I agree with were trying to do a good thing & sorry it turned out the way it did. Maybe considering difficult child's age...the others have some good advice & suggestions to try if something like this happens again ;)
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Have you talked to the psychiatrist about her anxiety and reactivity? Because, as my tag line up by my avatar sez.... there's a pill for that!

    All kidding aside, my husband used to be REALLY bad that same way. Frozen by fear (anxiety) and unable to make a simple decision about anything. And then when he felt confronted or threatened in any way, he would REACT with lots of negative emotion, often creating a whole new problem that had a life of its own.

    He's much better now on these current medications. I know Risperdal is something that should help with that for KT -- our psychiatrist once off-handedly told me husband would probably benefit from it (husband stopped seeing him a long time ago). But maybe there's something more out there that would either work better, or work as an adjunct for KT with the Risperdal.

    Just my 2 cents... sorry you've got so much drama going on. It makes life interesting, but it's also very exhausting, I know.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I would have got him some plaid or checkered Vans - Or some wing tips - OH OHHHHHHHHHH NO.........PAT BOONE patent leather dress shoes.

    A looney toons tie -

    And said 'JAMMIN'. and left.

    As far as lil ms. KT - I think she's pushing your fooooooooot.

    Tell her you have found she has a long lost Aunti and send her to ME - after 2 weeks here she'll KNOW she's got a slice of heaven with you...

    That's why we call it - The Dragonass Ranch. Cause after 2 weeks here? You'll be putting dragon yer donkey too.