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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 675944" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Tired Mom, I am so sorry for you heartache, the ups and downs of it all. It is a hard road we are all on.....</p><p>I went back to your original thread to get some more background, this has been quite some time for you dealing with this in your home. I feel for your 14 year old, my son is also 14, and a sweet kid, he literally grew up on this drama-go-round with his sisters, in an out of the house.....</p><p>This is COMS post to you from 8/14</p><p></p><p>The words here still ring true, dear. I desperately tried to help my two, but I believe I just prolonged things for them, and for us. It seems, as long as they realized they could still lean on us, they did not make efforts to change. What happened, is we ended up deeply entangled in the chaos of their addiction. They are adults, they will make choices, and there is nothing we can say or do, to control that.</p><p></p><p>You are a kind and loving parent. These things you can offer, but it is really up to him to decide. I wish you the best with this. It is important to take care of yourself, and be ready for whatever the outcome is. I know it is devastatingly hard. I am sorry for the pain of it, and the struggle with insurance and so on. It saps energy, just <em>thinking </em>of this.</p><p></p><p>I have learned to keep my response short. I do know how it feels, when others are talking about their easy children. There is that hole there in our guts.....</p><p> I am sorry for the pain of this, it is a double sadness. Please do not see this as an omen for your sons future. There is always hope. There are treatments and help for folks out there. 20 is so young.</p><p>But, your boy is an adult, and will choose, as he will.</p><p></p><p>I am glad your younger son is doing so well. Mine is doing well, too. He has enjoyed the peace in our home, for 4 months now. We finally said enough is enough and decided to close the "revolving door." Of course, it is yours to decide, everyones circumstances are different.</p><p></p><p>This is what helped me truly look at the impossibility of it all, and the reality, that we could not control the choices of our adult girls. </p><p></p><p>It was a dreadful chaotic morning, drama filled with rantings from my Tornado. After she left, with my grands, I found my sweet boy, curled up in a ball, on my bed crying with the frustration of it all.</p><p></p><p>Then and there, I decided that it was all so unfair to him, he was still a minor, and it was my job to take care of his needs, provide peace in the home, for him.</p><p></p><p>I wish you the best, I know it is hard to battle with head and heart.</p><p></p><p>Take care Tired Mom, do kind things for yourself, you matter. This is so heart wrenching for us moms. I still feel the sting of it, some days more than others, but it is getting better, as time passes.</p><p></p><p>I ended up looking up to the sky, and asking God to look after my two, it was too much for me to bear. When I find my thoughts going in all directions with this, I say a quick prayer, it is calming. Whatever your beliefs, if you have a higher power, it helps to give in to that.</p><p></p><p>Praying for your for peace of mind and heart, you are not alone......</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 675944, member: 19522"] Hi Tired Mom, I am so sorry for you heartache, the ups and downs of it all. It is a hard road we are all on..... I went back to your original thread to get some more background, this has been quite some time for you dealing with this in your home. I feel for your 14 year old, my son is also 14, and a sweet kid, he literally grew up on this drama-go-round with his sisters, in an out of the house..... This is COMS post to you from 8/14 The words here still ring true, dear. I desperately tried to help my two, but I believe I just prolonged things for them, and for us. It seems, as long as they realized they could still lean on us, they did not make efforts to change. What happened, is we ended up deeply entangled in the chaos of their addiction. They are adults, they will make choices, and there is nothing we can say or do, to control that. You are a kind and loving parent. These things you can offer, but it is really up to him to decide. I wish you the best with this. It is important to take care of yourself, and be ready for whatever the outcome is. I know it is devastatingly hard. I am sorry for the pain of it, and the struggle with insurance and so on. It saps energy, just [I]thinking [/I]of this. I have learned to keep my response short. I do know how it feels, when others are talking about their easy children. There is that hole there in our guts..... I am sorry for the pain of this, it is a double sadness. Please do not see this as an omen for your sons future. There is always hope. There are treatments and help for folks out there. 20 is so young. But, your boy is an adult, and will choose, as he will. I am glad your younger son is doing so well. Mine is doing well, too. He has enjoyed the peace in our home, for 4 months now. We finally said enough is enough and decided to close the "revolving door." Of course, it is yours to decide, everyones circumstances are different. This is what helped me truly look at the impossibility of it all, and the reality, that we could not control the choices of our adult girls. It was a dreadful chaotic morning, drama filled with rantings from my Tornado. After she left, with my grands, I found my sweet boy, curled up in a ball, on my bed crying with the frustration of it all. Then and there, I decided that it was all so unfair to him, he was still a minor, and it was my job to take care of his needs, provide peace in the home, for him. I wish you the best, I know it is hard to battle with head and heart. Take care Tired Mom, do kind things for yourself, you matter. This is so heart wrenching for us moms. I still feel the sting of it, some days more than others, but it is getting better, as time passes. I ended up looking up to the sky, and asking God to look after my two, it was too much for me to bear. When I find my thoughts going in all directions with this, I say a quick prayer, it is calming. Whatever your beliefs, if you have a higher power, it helps to give in to that. Praying for your for peace of mind and heart, you are not alone...... (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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