Here's a small bright spot. :)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by tiredmommy, Feb 22, 2012.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    mother in law went into the hospital on January 13th and went to stay with sister-in-law on the 3rd of Feb (or maybe it was the 2nd). She really hasn't tried very hard to do anything but the bare minimum and father in law hasn't been much help because he just won't push at all. She pretty much stays in bed except to use the bathroom.

    sister in law's home has a fairly open floor plan. mother in law's room is actually the living room which opens into the dining room.

    sister in law is out of town until tomorrow and father in law is staying over, it's the first time he's done this since she came to stay. He messed up lunch by giving in to mother in law and letting her eat just trail mix rather than giving her a balanced meal. He knew he should have done better and called husband because he had no idea what to give her for dinner except maybe to order pizza and wings. Again. husband called me from work... I wasn't able to cook today because Duckie's dance class is a conflict. I had been planning a crock pot meal but I wasn't sure it would stretch for up to six people (youngest sister in law often comes to dinner and to visit her mom). So I told husband I'd pick up some rotisserie chicken, pre-cooked mashed potatoes and frozen veggies, drop them off before dance and reheat when Duckie and I arrived back from dance. husband and father in law were pleased with this arrangement because mother in law would have a balanced meal and they didn't need to make it. I was just happy it wasn't pizza and wings. Again.

    So, in the few weeks that mother in law has been at sister in law's house she has eaten in her room using the hospital table. Every. Single. Meal. And the family ends up milling around the kitchen and eating at sister in law's over sized center island. But I hate that; we should eat together, right?

    So the first thing I did when getting to sister in law's after dance was set the dining room table for six. It turns out youngest sister in law wouldn't be joining us after all so that left five. I then told mother in law and father in law that I think the family ought to start eating at the table. mother in law can join the family for meals when she feels up to it, but either way we'd be close enough to carry on a conversation with her instead of leaving her to have her meal alone in a hospital bed. I told her it was up to her and she joined us at the table. father in law and husband were thrilled.

    So was I. :)
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I think you are absolutely right! It will do the family good to eat together and help mother in law immensely.

  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thank you, LDM.

    One thing that really gets to me about my in-laws is that there's not a lot of respect or consideration for each other especially at meal times. Dinner is ready? Great! Grab a plate and chow down; no need to wait for everyone to be served or even say grace. When you're finished? Just stand up, leave your dishes for someone else and get back to the tv asap. Duckie even notices it and husband is a little embarrassed by it. So, maybe eating together more often will give everyone a chance to do a little better.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think what you did was awesome! I hate it when we don't all eat the meal us an opportunity to chat and catch up, etc. Good for you!
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This might even encourage mother in law to be "up and about" a wee bit, which helps the disposition if nothing else... and sitting at the table with others may encourage her to eat a bit more, too. A win all the way around.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She should try to get up as much as she can. My dad didnt end up in his hospital bed full time till the last 4 or 5 days. Maybe even 3 days. I know we were there helping getting him up and down from his chair to his bed. It wasnt easy but he didnt want to just stay in bed. He probably should have just been in bed though.

    I know if I stay in bed all day and dont go out to the living room to eat with everyone else, I end up even more depressed. About 50% of the time Tony does just bring me my plate in my room because he doesnt want me to come out there now because he doesnt want me out there with Buck and him and I seem to interrupt their time and I watch different TV shows than they are interested in. Oh well. I grab my stuff and head back out or I dont get to spend any time with him.
  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    We have to do the balanced meals with SO's mom - besides being diabetic she is so dang overweight and can barely walk a few steps. Her idea of a wonderful lunch is a banana sandwitch with butter and sugar, or a plate of cream puffs - my arteries start to harden just thinking about it. I haven't been really up to cooking since I have been ill so shopping at Fresh and Easy has become a life saver for us. Portions are just enough for lunch or dinner and she, so far, has liked everything.

    Thankfully she likes to sit at the dining room table and look outside - my problem is actually getting her into her bedroom to lie down and put her feet up for an hour or so.
    She has taken a liking to my IPad, so is content to sit there and watch Netflix most of the day while I work in the next room

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I think this is wonderful TM - It also gives everyone time to just decompress and listen to each other - Thanks for the sunny spot in my day so far!

    Hugs & Love
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    You're so right - Meal times should be a time for families to sit, relax, catch up with what's happening in everyone's lives. In our crazy, busy society, it isn't always possible. So sad...

    I hope that your husband's family enjoys the time spent sitting around the dinner table together and it becomes more of a habit. I agree with Sharon (LDM) that this is a great thing for your mother in law! husband's family is lucky to have you. SFR
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks everyone. I just hope that mother in law's remaining time can be as happy and loving as possible. She's (understandably) depressed with her diagnosis and prognosis and her husband and kids are in a little shock, but she's just been wasting away in that bed. I'd like to think that I'd try to make the most of each day if I were in her shoes.
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM - good for you! Maybe the others did not even think about it. It is so good you forced the issue.