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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 724052" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Adaly, welcome to CD, sorry for your need to be here.</p><p>My, what a post. It is horrible, unacceptable treatment. I am sorry for the years you have gone through this.</p><p>He is 25, has mental issues and abuses drugs. Self medicating, but won’t take medications to help his condition. There are others on the board who have experienced this. I have to an extent with my two, not as drastic as your post, but I do suspect drug use has either created issues or exacerbated existing conditions.</p><p>Either way, my d cs are adults and will do as they choose.</p><p>It seems your son is choosing drugs, bad company and continued abuse of his mother.</p><p>That’s just unacceptable Adaly, mental issues, or not.</p><p>It seems you are used to him treating you like this. That’s sad, for him and for you.</p><p> I have read posts here where Moms won’t tolerate ill treatment, will hang up the phone or go no contact for a while until d cs learn to be respectful.</p><p>I do the same. It’s because I matter. So do you.</p><p> I don’t blame you for not having him in your home. He is not behaving.</p><p> I would not have done this. You are very, very kind.</p><p> This is okay to do.</p><p>Going no contact for your own sanity is okay Adaly. Your son has to learn that it is unacceptable to treat you this way. You need a well deserved break.</p><p>You are right, who does that? You do not deserve to be treated so disrespectfully.</p><p>I remember feeling this way after the chaos and drama my two brought to our lives. I decided to stop trying to fix something I have no control over. To not accept mistreatment. Although I love my two, I will no longer put up with disrespect, for me and my home.</p><p>Do you think it’s possible Adaly that through all of these years of mistreatment by your son from when he was a minor until now, that you have been conditioned to accept the mistreatment?</p><p>It is truly unfortunate that you were not able to find treatment for him and that even now authorities turn a blind eye to his actions.</p><p>Just because he is your son, does not mean you have to take his abuse.</p><p>There is an article on detachment on the PE forum. It helps to read it to figure out how to disentangle yourself from the feelings that <em>you have to do something, or even anything.</em></p><p>You have a life to live. You matter. Removing ourselves from toxic relationships does not mean we do not love the person. We should not and can not tolerate abuse. For some folks here, stepping back has helped their d cs understand that the same old, same old will not work.</p><p>Learning new ways to live is not an easy thing. We get used to certain routines and behaviors, even intolerable ones. Do one small kind thing for yourself. It has been a long difficult road you have been on. The surreal feeling you have is your inner self telling you that this is not right. It is your conditioned self telling you this is how it is. There is a battle going on inside of you.</p><p>Nothing changes, if nothing changes.</p><p>We can’t change our d cs, so, we have to change.</p><p>Start by taking very good care of yourself. It is not wrong to take a step back and take a break.</p><p>In fact, it would help your son to see that you will not put up with the awful way he treats you.</p><p>He is an adult.</p><p>You are his mother.</p><p>He is responsible for his actions.</p><p>You have the right to be treated kindly.</p><p>Stand up for yourself.</p><p>You will figure this out Adaly.</p><p>Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.</p><p>You deserve peace and you are not alone.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 724052, member: 19522"] Hi Adaly, welcome to CD, sorry for your need to be here. My, what a post. It is horrible, unacceptable treatment. I am sorry for the years you have gone through this. He is 25, has mental issues and abuses drugs. Self medicating, but won’t take medications to help his condition. There are others on the board who have experienced this. I have to an extent with my two, not as drastic as your post, but I do suspect drug use has either created issues or exacerbated existing conditions. Either way, my d cs are adults and will do as they choose. It seems your son is choosing drugs, bad company and continued abuse of his mother. That’s just unacceptable Adaly, mental issues, or not. It seems you are used to him treating you like this. That’s sad, for him and for you. I have read posts here where Moms won’t tolerate ill treatment, will hang up the phone or go no contact for a while until d cs learn to be respectful. I do the same. It’s because I matter. So do you. I don’t blame you for not having him in your home. He is not behaving. I would not have done this. You are very, very kind. This is okay to do. Going no contact for your own sanity is okay Adaly. Your son has to learn that it is unacceptable to treat you this way. You need a well deserved break. You are right, who does that? You do not deserve to be treated so disrespectfully. I remember feeling this way after the chaos and drama my two brought to our lives. I decided to stop trying to fix something I have no control over. To not accept mistreatment. Although I love my two, I will no longer put up with disrespect, for me and my home. Do you think it’s possible Adaly that through all of these years of mistreatment by your son from when he was a minor until now, that you have been conditioned to accept the mistreatment? It is truly unfortunate that you were not able to find treatment for him and that even now authorities turn a blind eye to his actions. Just because he is your son, does not mean you have to take his abuse. There is an article on detachment on the PE forum. It helps to read it to figure out how to disentangle yourself from the feelings that [I]you have to do something, or even anything.[/I] You have a life to live. You matter. Removing ourselves from toxic relationships does not mean we do not love the person. We should not and can not tolerate abuse. For some folks here, stepping back has helped their d cs understand that the same old, same old will not work. Learning new ways to live is not an easy thing. We get used to certain routines and behaviors, even intolerable ones. Do one small kind thing for yourself. It has been a long difficult road you have been on. The surreal feeling you have is your inner self telling you that this is not right. It is your conditioned self telling you this is how it is. There is a battle going on inside of you. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. We can’t change our d cs, so, we have to change. Start by taking very good care of yourself. It is not wrong to take a step back and take a break. In fact, it would help your son to see that you will not put up with the awful way he treats you. He is an adult. You are his mother. He is responsible for his actions. You have the right to be treated kindly. Stand up for yourself. You will figure this out Adaly. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. You deserve peace and you are not alone. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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