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Parent Emeritus
He's back. I am sad.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689189" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There is nothing I did or you did to prevent them from loving us. </p><p></p><p>I am mad at M. My son does love me!!! He just cannot show it because he is so engulfed in his own unrelenting pain which distorts his thinking, indeed his world. </p><p></p><p>It is a Catch 22 for me. Because I do not want to think about how badly he feels about himself, his possibilities, his life. Sometimes I believe it must feel preferable to believe he does not love me, than to feel and know the reality of his suffering.</p><p>OMG. To want to hold and hug them. To want him by me. To hear his voice. And to feel hostility and indifference, disgust or contempt. It is a horror. </p><p></p><p>I believe tonight may be a turning point for me. I believe I will have the courage and the strength to hold onto my love, and to sustain it--even in the face of the cold shoulder and without reciprocity. </p><p></p><p>I love him so much. I want him to not suffer, like he is. I have not one bit of control.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689189, member: 18958"] There is nothing I did or you did to prevent them from loving us. I am mad at M. My son does love me!!! He just cannot show it because he is so engulfed in his own unrelenting pain which distorts his thinking, indeed his world. It is a Catch 22 for me. Because I do not want to think about how badly he feels about himself, his possibilities, his life. Sometimes I believe it must feel preferable to believe he does not love me, than to feel and know the reality of his suffering. OMG. To want to hold and hug them. To want him by me. To hear his voice. And to feel hostility and indifference, disgust or contempt. It is a horror. I believe tonight may be a turning point for me. I believe I will have the courage and the strength to hold onto my love, and to sustain it--even in the face of the cold shoulder and without reciprocity. I love him so much. I want him to not suffer, like he is. I have not one bit of control. [/QUOTE]
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He's back. I am sad.
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