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He's back. I am sad.
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 689279" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>It is so hard to try to figure out what "love" is to our difficult children. They don't show it the way we do, we think they don't feel it the way we do, and then we must wonder about how much guilt and self-hatred affects expressing love. Then they are all at different stages of separating from their parents, separation that might have been delayed because of their issues as adolescents that they finally starting to work through. Add the effects of substance use on how they react with anything and anybody. All so terribly confusing. Love should not be a puzzle to piece back together, but that is how it feels sometimes.</p><p></p><p>I thought the same thing about my son, that perhaps he is just not capable of loving back. I thought perhaps that he drank and drugged because it made him feel angry, and anger was better than feeling nothing at all. Now I believe he is *STARTING* to turn a corner with his alcohol use, and with it I have seen him return to being much more connected and empathetic toward others. From there, I hope baby steps will lead to him repairing relationships he has damaged. It won't happen overnight.</p><p></p><p>I also think that for his own good he must be the one to do the repairs, just as I must be the one to repair the damage I have caused. It is how we make the changes we need to make, and how we make the changes permanent.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I am glad that your son is working. I am glad that he knows about the drug testing, and even more glad that he is willing to explore some medications that will help him without all of the negatives that come with his MJ. He is meeting you halfway. He is doing it willingly. He is respecting your opinion, and not just because he "has to." This all sounds very optimistic to me!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 689279, member: 17720"] It is so hard to try to figure out what "love" is to our difficult children. They don't show it the way we do, we think they don't feel it the way we do, and then we must wonder about how much guilt and self-hatred affects expressing love. Then they are all at different stages of separating from their parents, separation that might have been delayed because of their issues as adolescents that they finally starting to work through. Add the effects of substance use on how they react with anything and anybody. All so terribly confusing. Love should not be a puzzle to piece back together, but that is how it feels sometimes. I thought the same thing about my son, that perhaps he is just not capable of loving back. I thought perhaps that he drank and drugged because it made him feel angry, and anger was better than feeling nothing at all. Now I believe he is *STARTING* to turn a corner with his alcohol use, and with it I have seen him return to being much more connected and empathetic toward others. From there, I hope baby steps will lead to him repairing relationships he has damaged. It won't happen overnight. I also think that for his own good he must be the one to do the repairs, just as I must be the one to repair the damage I have caused. It is how we make the changes we need to make, and how we make the changes permanent. Copa, I am glad that your son is working. I am glad that he knows about the drug testing, and even more glad that he is willing to explore some medications that will help him without all of the negatives that come with his MJ. He is meeting you halfway. He is doing it willingly. He is respecting your opinion, and not just because he "has to." This all sounds very optimistic to me! [/QUOTE]
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