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Parent Emeritus
He's been in touch and I don't know what to do
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636040" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>"I love you very much and, since you are a young man now and smart, I'm sure you can figure something out. Maybe we can meet for coffee once a week and see where our relationship goes, but I feel it's best if we don't live together again."</p><p></p><p>Then you'll know. If he flips out on you, calls you a horrible mother, talks about what happened to him (in his mind) when he was six or just says "At least send me money!" then you know why he is suddenly full of remorse. If he really wants to reconnect and is remorseful, he will accept your boundaries and will help himself.Do not respond to abusive texting or angry phone calls and do not let him in the house. That's my two cents.</p><p></p><p>Eighteen is not a young kid anymore. My daughter is eighteen. Now not all eighteen year olds are as responsible as others, or as mature, however most have made a decision toward independence...they are in college, or working full time and maybe contributing to the household bills, or even fighting in the military. They don't throw two year old tantrums of abuse us. They have the legal rights of an adult. It is not good, in my opinion, for us or for them if we rescue them when they mess up. Help them when they sincerely want to change, sure (this doesn't mean they have to live with you though and it doesn't mean you have to directly hand them money or pay for their toys). They need our emotional support and love and that is free.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636040, member: 1550"] "I love you very much and, since you are a young man now and smart, I'm sure you can figure something out. Maybe we can meet for coffee once a week and see where our relationship goes, but I feel it's best if we don't live together again." Then you'll know. If he flips out on you, calls you a horrible mother, talks about what happened to him (in his mind) when he was six or just says "At least send me money!" then you know why he is suddenly full of remorse. If he really wants to reconnect and is remorseful, he will accept your boundaries and will help himself.Do not respond to abusive texting or angry phone calls and do not let him in the house. That's my two cents. Eighteen is not a young kid anymore. My daughter is eighteen. Now not all eighteen year olds are as responsible as others, or as mature, however most have made a decision toward independence...they are in college, or working full time and maybe contributing to the household bills, or even fighting in the military. They don't throw two year old tantrums of abuse us. They have the legal rights of an adult. It is not good, in my opinion, for us or for them if we rescue them when they mess up. Help them when they sincerely want to change, sure (this doesn't mean they have to live with you though and it doesn't mean you have to directly hand them money or pay for their toys). They need our emotional support and love and that is free. Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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He's been in touch and I don't know what to do
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