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He's been in touch and I don't know what to do
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 636042" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>LMW, when I went through these times with difficult child, I would try hard not to immediately text back to him. That was really hard. I would tell myself to wait 6 hours, 8 hours, 12 hours, 24 hours---the times got longer and longer as I worked on that aspect.</p><p></p><p>Then when I did text back, I would keep it short, saying things like I love you and I always want the best for you. </p><p></p><p>If he was in town, I might say, please get in touch with me next Tuesday about 5 and we can make a plan to get together for coffee.</p><p></p><p>Pushing out the times when we would meet, and letting him know that I would be available to talk at a later date, not back and forth every day between now and then.</p><p></p><p>Usually, he would start out really sweet and sorry, and once he realized I was not going to immediately jump in and react and make everything better----like I used to do---for years and years----he would get furious. He would curse me out, and start texting me relentlessly.</p><p></p><p>Because I had already set my boundary---next Tuesday at 5---it wasn't nearly so hard from that point on to not respond at all.</p><p></p><p>This type of situation is one step in the unhooking that must happen between difficult children and their moms and dads. We have to stop being Mommy to grown people. </p><p></p><p>It is hard, because for so long we pushed and pulled and dragged them, thinking they would grow out of it all and were just ________ (lazy, immature, dumb...fill in the blank). </p><p></p><p>We taught them that we would take care of everything. We now have to un-teach them that lesson and it takes a long time, usually. </p><p></p><p>Be as consistent as you can possibly be. Over time, that is what teaches them.</p><p></p><p>As SO says---it took a long time to walk into the forest. It's going to take a long time to walk out of the forest. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 636042, member: 17542"] LMW, when I went through these times with difficult child, I would try hard not to immediately text back to him. That was really hard. I would tell myself to wait 6 hours, 8 hours, 12 hours, 24 hours---the times got longer and longer as I worked on that aspect. Then when I did text back, I would keep it short, saying things like I love you and I always want the best for you. If he was in town, I might say, please get in touch with me next Tuesday about 5 and we can make a plan to get together for coffee. Pushing out the times when we would meet, and letting him know that I would be available to talk at a later date, not back and forth every day between now and then. Usually, he would start out really sweet and sorry, and once he realized I was not going to immediately jump in and react and make everything better----like I used to do---for years and years----he would get furious. He would curse me out, and start texting me relentlessly. Because I had already set my boundary---next Tuesday at 5---it wasn't nearly so hard from that point on to not respond at all. This type of situation is one step in the unhooking that must happen between difficult children and their moms and dads. We have to stop being Mommy to grown people. It is hard, because for so long we pushed and pulled and dragged them, thinking they would grow out of it all and were just ________ (lazy, immature, dumb...fill in the blank). We taught them that we would take care of everything. We now have to un-teach them that lesson and it takes a long time, usually. Be as consistent as you can possibly be. Over time, that is what teaches them. As SO says---it took a long time to walk into the forest. It's going to take a long time to walk out of the forest. Warm hugs. [/QUOTE]
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