He's gone

[comatheart]

We picked up difficult child from rehab nearly 2wks ago and took him to a very structured sober living home. He went back to the sober high school and finished up all his work to graduate. Graduation was on Thursday. We were sooooo proud!!!!

Friday morning he got up and called the sober living director, told him he was done. He was moving out with an old using buddy and didn't want to be clean anymore. We have no clue where he is.

The unknowing is such an awful, horrible feeling.

He only has 3 days left of his medications (we were only giving him a weeks worth at a time) I cant imagine going cold turkey off some pretty heavy duty/very high dose medications ( Saphris, Lamictal and Zoloft) at the same time is going to be pretty. Especially in someone with a serious suicide attempt and a history of psychosis.

Pray for my son.I'm really afraid I'm never going to see him again...his bottom just got a whole lot closer.

 

[lovemysons]

I am praying for your son.

Was just thinking about how it's not only a crisis situation that can trigger relapse but also celebratory events.
Last weekend, my difficult child, finished his first "lead" job and from what I understand, He went and bought street drugs as soon as he got home...I assume to "congratulate" himself, sigh.


I so hope your son will contact you soon and get back on track.
LMS

 

[LoveSushi]

I'm so sorry. I know that others here will have a lot of wisdom and comfort to give you. All I can offer are prayers. Please take care of you.

 

[toughlovin]

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this. I am thinknig of you... and hoping either he comes to his senses and calls you or enough happens that someone picks him up and calls you. I know that worry and it is awful to go through. Dont try to get a lot done, just do things that take care of you and distract you.

I have this image of the brain as being like a gum ball machine and when too much is going on, gum balls start to fall out. So I know when I am in that place of worry I start forgetting things, or doing spacey dumb things... and those are the gum balls..... so be easy on yourself and don't worry if you lose a few gum balls.

TL


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[HMBgal]

No words, but hugs and prayers going out to you. In the midst of my daughter's addiction, she would sabotage herself in the most ridiculous and dangerous ways, seemingly right on the cusp of something that should be good. She's still fighting her battles with depression, single motherhood, working so hard for not much money, a difficult child of her own. Sigh. The one thing we all want for our kids is for them to be happy, safe, and somewhat (I would settle for somewhat) self-supporting. And yet, it's so hard for some of them.

 

[Kathy813]

Oh, comaheart, I am so sorry. Why are things always the same for our difficult children? The self-sabotage is the hardest thing to watch . . . especially when we start feeling good about the direction things are going.

Go to a group, see a therapist, or post here. Keep a high level of support around you. This time your difficult child is going to have to hit bottom and hopefully come to his senses and seek help again. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[comatheart]

Thank you all. I just don't even know what we're supposed to do? He's 18. Do we file a missing persons report? Do we try and hunt him down??

My mind is thinking all kinds of crazy. I mean for the last 8 months he's either been in the mental hospital, rehab or under a very structured environment. Think of the kid who goes off the college for the first time who was never allowed to do anything....they go nuts with that freedom. THIS is my son right now!!!! To top it all off it's a holiday weekend with no shortage of partying going on. *sigh* I'm driving myself mad. My son has struggled with a lot of things over the years, but he's never been a runner. This is new to us.

I just can't believe he's going to throw all of his hard work away.

 

[AmericanGirl]

I'm sorry. It's nerve-racking to ride the roller coaster with them. All you can do is to try to hold onto your sanity.

Remember, when he returns, you need to be well-rested and clear-headed.

Praying all will be well....

 

[Childofmine]

comatheart---I am so sorry that you are having to live right now without knowing. It is torture. I am also sorry for the very big high and the very low low that you had to experience in such a short time. It is exhausting---the ups and downs. As he starts to experience life without his medications, you may hear from him. Also, our difficult children are so resilient. They are survivors. It is amazing the danger and situations they put themselves in, yet they continue to go on.

I would do whatever makes you feel more peaceful. If that is calling the police, do that. If that is calling his friends, do that.

This is a roller coaster, and sometimes it's just about surviving. That is short-term.

Long-term, he is an adult and he has the right to make choices, unfortunately. As you move into the next days and weeks, please start thinking more about yourself and what you can do to find peace and joy and contentment in your life, whether or not he does.

It is possible, with a lot of work. Hugs to you tonight. and Blessings.

 

[Terryforvols]

We were in your spot last year at this time. I cried, thankfully had a job, and just prayed. As soon as we got a location in July, I called the Tx police for a welfare check. They were able to hold her but she was released. She is now waiting for 2 yr court ordered treatment, thank God. All you can do is pray, surround yourself with support, and hardest of all, dont be hard on you. HE made the decision, but strangely its easier to think its us....its not!!! My difficult child always sabatoges herself, even now gets worried bc I am more hopeful than I have been in years. She is scared of hope, I assume bc hope could also involve failure at times. She doesnt do failure well!!

Love and prayers !!!

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[Signorina]

Love and hugs to you

 

[layne]

Please, please, please follow up with us and let us know what's going on. I'm sure he will be ok. Like you said, he is 18 and enjoying his freedom. Trust me , he will be back and back soon.

 

[comatheart]

We located difficult child today and were able to drop off his medication to him. I feel slightly better about things. Not good by any means, but better. My hubby wouldn't let me go with him when our son gave him the address. He said I was too emotional.

husband reports he didnt look great and has admitted to using. </3 He's back in the small town with all his old high school, drug using friends. We had kept him away from that town and all of those kids since he got out of rehab the first time.

The whole situation is horrible. There are no AA or NA meetings in this small town. He's 20-30 mins from the whole sober community we had helped him build around himself. He has no car,no bike, no money, no job, no phone. I have no idea who lives in the house he's staying atc and my mind has begun wandering. What is he going to be doing in return for this roof over his head!?

:-(

 

[comatheart]

At least he has his medications.

 

[Childofmine]

my mind has begun wandering.

Comatheart---try to turn the focus on yourself. Take the energy you are using on him---a person you can't control----and turn it to a person you can control----you.

Write down what you want to do, hour by hour if you have to. Then work hard to do it, minute by minute.

Exercise, rest, digging weeds, cooking, scrubbing the kitchen floor---all of those things are immediate tools I use when my mind is spinning out of control.

Pulling weeds: I call it "weed therapy." Cheaper than therapy and I can tell where I've been.

If you need to do a "brain dump" and get all of the stuff out of your head, sit down at the computer and write to difficult child as fast as your hands will type. It is therapeutic.

Hugs and prayers and blessings on you today.

Remember: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. The Three Cs.

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry. I wrote a long post to you and it disappeared before my eyes and I am so frustrated. I will try again later to reconstruct it.

 

[wg67]

So sorry prayers for you all

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[FlowerGarden]

Hugs and positive thoughts being sent your way. I am glad he has his medications and willingly let your husband bring them to him.

 

[lovemysons]

comatheart,

My hope is that your son will get tired of this miserable way of life quickly. You have given him all the tools that he needs through Rehab, school and AA. It is up to him to realize that he can slip...and recover again. He is not stuck...he can forgive himself at any time and recall what he has been taught.

You're a good mamma.
Stay strong,
hugs and prayers,
LMS