He's Home - Week 1 and How It's Been

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by RN0441, Nov 27, 2018.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So as of November 18 our son is officially living with us:

    He put a down payment on a used truck that he wanted. He had eaten sandwiches to save money while others went out to eat and we were told he worked very, very hard to save. He saved $2k in 5 months while paying rent and tithe. He only made $10 per hour so that is impressive. Husband found a good price on a good vehicle for him.

    He opened a bank account and has almost $1k in there now. We paid for first month's insurance and license plates/registration.

    He has been applying for jobs and is at an interview right now. He will take something to make sure he can pay car payments and continue to search for what he really wants to do. He has no idea what career path he wants to follow.

    We have talked to him about Coast Guard reserves and he is open to it. Seems he wants to do it when he wants to and does not want us to tell him what to do and when to do it. We reiterated that he may find a career through this avenue.

    He has been working out almost every day. He invested in protein powder and some other powder and watches what he eats. He is as strong as an ox and looks better than he has ever looked. Ever.

    He met a girl online already (some app these kids use). They have been texting like crazy all week. I am not sure if they have actually spoken. They are going on a date Friday night. She is a nursing student in the town next to us. She looks all American and clean cut. I looked at her FB page. He is taking her to dinner.

    He went to church with us on Sunday and said he will volunteer and get more involved when he is ready. He also is aware of Celebrate Recovery meetings nearby so I am hoping he will attend.

    He makes his bed every day. He showers and shaves. He had horrible hygiene before.

    Overall I feel pretty good about his progress. He told me that he has matured a lot and that I don't have to worry about him anymore because he is an adult. Okay wish it was that easy but all I can do is pray that he stays on the right path.

    Thanks to all for your continued support. I am trying to think positive and be thankful for each good day.

    Miracles can and do happen.
     
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  2. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    WOW!! Congratulations to all of you!
    Prayers said that he continues on this healing path.
     
  3. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    Wow! Great news!
     
  4. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Girl, I would ask you to fix him up with my daughter as he sounds like a catch, but she would be a bad influence! :rofl: I'm glad things are going so well!
     
  5. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Wonderful news, RN!
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    He is a man now. Wow. Amazing.

    Kudos!!!
     
  7. startingfresh

    startingfresh Member

    Rn, this is wonderful wonderful news to read!
     
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So he got the job and starts on Monday! Full time with possible weekend work also.

    He said he just wants to work there until he decide what he wants to do. Well okay, it pays the bills.

    He has a lunch "date" today with the lady he's been texting all week. He's nervous and really didn't want to talk to me about it. He said I should have had a daughter. Well DUH I know that but I got what God gave me!

    He indicated that he does not want to go to Celebrate Recovery. He doesn't enjoy talking to strangers and just isn't outgoing. He said they forced him to do it.

    He feels that he did what he needed to do and it's OVER. He said he enjoys church and will continue with that.

    Okay so I was upset about it that night, BUT all in all things are still going well. I do see maturity but I also see immaturity. He just turned 23. He's starting over in so many ways.

    I wonder how he would be IF we had not moved across the country. He really does have a fresh slate here.

    Husband and I are taking a quick 4 day cruise to Cozumel in a few weeks. He will have the house to himself. This will be a good test. We simply have to trust him now.

    He knows he has to build a new life for himself. We are supporting him but I personally am trying like hell to treat him like an ADULT.
     
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am so very happy to hear this news. And yes even if they are doing well we still worry. We were the sober eyes through the carnage theirs were not.
    I am so very hopeful for your sons future. Mine like yours is right back to dating. I wish he had have taken more time to himself but it is his life and it’s 100% better than it was.
    Keep ya posted RN.
     
  10. mentalcase

    mentalcase New Member

    Really good news:):):)
     
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I am so glad to read that he got this job and he will attend church.

    Fingers crossed that this girl is a positive influence on him. That could actually be very helpful.

    Thinking good thoughts and sending prayers.
     
  12. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    I hope he enjoyed meeting the girl.
    It sounds like he is doing well.
    I hope you have a great time on the cruise!
     
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  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi RN. I am glad to hear things are going well so far but I am worried about his refusing to go to any support groups. Is it just Celebrate Recovery or any 12-step group?

    ~Kathy
     
  14. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    I haven’t been on here in a while and I’m so happy to hear this news about your son. Your family has had one heck of a journey with his recovery. I admire you RN for all you have done for your son and how strong you’ve become through this journey. I don’t think your son would be where he is now in his recovery if not for the strength you’ve shown. Enjoy your son and definitely try to treat him as an adult. So happy for your family
     
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  15. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Kathy

    He does not want to go to any recovery support groups. He said that he did that for 1.5 years and he has been sober for some time now and wants to work and live a normal life - which is what he is doing.

    Of course I am not happy about it but as long as he does what he needs to do we are fine with it. He hasn't started smoking or vaping or doing anything that we disapprove of. I really felt he would go back to cigarettes.

    He likes his job, loves his new truck (that he paid for and is going to pay for) and is seeing a nursing student. He said that he is happy. I know that is what he wanted. To be happy.

    We do go to church every Sunday and he said he really enjoys that. I see a lot of positives so I am focusing on that and he knows that he is only with us IF he is moving forward and he knows we will not hesitate to make him leave so I think that is a huge motivator.

    No guarantees no matter what they do!
     
  16. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    RN, I think going to church in a way is a recovery program, maybe better. he isn't hearing people talk about drugs etc. He is hearing positive messages. Perhaps some people do better just hearing the positive messages and not hearing the drug and alcohol stories is a better way to recover.
     
  17. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Tired Out

    Yes! That is how I feel exactly. I think he is tired of all those stories and past the point where they will help him.

    The message this past Sunday was for him. I had prayed before it started that it would reach him and wow it was all about not letting bad things that you have done define you and not to look back or side to side but look up at the star (tied into the Star of David for Christmas). To stay in your lane and don't compare your race to other's races.

    Just a small sample of what the sermon was but I felt it was tailored for him. Really a lot about not looking back.

    He is just not the same person now. I don't understand it and don't expect anyone else to either except he is a changed person and I am so very thankful for that.

    He now is worried about making a nice lunch for work and having his T's crossed and I's dotted. He keeps himself and his world clean and organized.

    It could be because this all happened during puberty rather than into adulthood. It also could be that we moved across the country. I know it's because he had a long time for his brain to heal and also because God worked on him. And because we standed firm.
     
  18. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    I am so glad things are looking up for him and really for all of you. We all feel so much better when our loved ones are doing well.
     
  19. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I remember long ago when my daughter was still in the throes of addiction someone on the site said that you will know when your loved one is truly in recovery. The poster said that they become a different person. I didn't understand what she meant at the time until my daughter became sober. She is truly not the same person she was when she was using. I always say that the person she was before she started using came back to us.

    My only worry about your son refusing to go to any support groups is that only someone else with substance abuse issues can truly understand what it is like to be in recovery. Even now, I ask my daughter why she did certain things and she replies that "you just don't understand because you don't think like an addict." I think having a sponsor was key to her recovery because she could go to her when she struggled and her sponsor understood what she was feeling.

    But not everyone needs or likes 12-step recovery programs so hopefully your son will do fine without one.

    I am rooting him on every step of the way!

    ~Kathy