He's on the loose again

[Kathy813]

RN, I didn't have power for three days due to the storm and managed to miss this when I got back online. I am so sorry that you are going through this again.

I asked my daughter recently why she could stay sober for short periods of time but would always relapse. She said that after a period of sobriety she would think that she could handle one drink. Then, she would think she could handle two. Next thing she knew she was drinking and using benzos again and then she would spiral all the way down. I asked her why in the world she would keep doing that when she knew it always led to a relapse, her answer was, "Mom, you just don't think like an addict."

Your son is doing exactly what my daughter did when she was in Florida. She used rehab and sober living houses to stay off the streets. I first heard the term south Florida shuffle when my daughter returned to Georgia and was looking for a rehab up here. The therapist listened to her story and told her that she had been doing the south Florida shuffle. Evidently, they had heard it before.

But . . . there are some positives here. Your son worked this out himself. He found a place to go and apologized for his previous behavior. Your were not involved in fixing this for him. He talked to his boss and managed to keep his job. Again, this is a good thing.

I think my daughter got something from each rehab she stayed in and eventually that helped in her recovery. She and I laughed at the last one that she could be teaching the classes but that meant she had learned something along the way.

He has learned that you are not fixing his mistakes. Eventually he will get tired of having to do this the hard way.

Remember that you called this a marathon in another thread. Keep up your strength.

~Kathy

 

[RN0441]

Thanks Kathy.

Another update. He didn't want to stay in patient at last place so they sent him to an IOP where he could work that they felt was good. However it was very far from his job. After one night son said he found a place closer to work so that he could walk. We said okay and he went there. He called saying he misses family, depressed, wants to come home etc. We said you have to be sober a year and then you can come back to Illinois (but not living with us).

I then got a call from son at midnight. He had been Bakered (72 hour hold in psychiatric unit) for threatening suicide to his girlfriend on the phone. Found out today he was doing poppers and saying he didn't want to live so she called police.

OMG we can't believe this. He isn't serious about any of it.

Really thinking of sending him to Teen Challenge one year program. This isn't working. Haven't told him this yet.

 

[Kathy813]

My daughter was baker acted several times. She threatened suicide on a regular basis. He is doing and saying all of the exact same things my daughter did. His drug of choice is even the same.

He is just not there yet. He thinks he can still manipulate you and the system into getting what he wants.

I am not familiar with teen challenge. I have to go look that one up.

~Kathy

 

[Kathy813]

I'm back. I just gave it a quick glance. I noticed that it is faith based. Will your son be okay with that? My daughter would have hated it.

It is also voluntary. You said he didn't want to go to inpatient treatment. What would be different about this one?

Just giving you some food for thought. We had another member whose daughter went into a faith based program for a year and is doing great today. It is just not for everybody.

~Kathy

 

[RN0441]

Kathy

We talked to him about it before we initially sent him to Florida. He wasn't opposed to it but didn't like the long term but since this has not worked maybe he'd understand that this is what is needed. We would not give him a choice really.

 

[Littleboylost]

Would your insurance cover a long term rehab in Canada? Hell it would be like getting a rehab discount with the dollr exchange. If yes check out Pine River Institure and see if they accept US patients. They have provate pay beds. It is a long term remote program. I am hoping we can transfer our son into one of the socially funded beds in their program. They have excellent success rates. I am not sure what age cut off they use.

Best of luck.

 

[worried sick mother]

RN, I haven't been on here in a long time, just logged on and saw your update. I'm so sorry about your son. It does sound like he's doing the Florida shuffle and long term inpatient would be a better option. We all know the definition of insanity so a change may be just what your son needs.

 

[ColleenB]

I'm so sorry....

 

[Kathy813]

RN, I absolutely agree that a long term program has the greatest chance of success. I don't think that the 30-day programs work at all and even the three-month programs are too short. My daughter stayed in the IOP/sober living program for a year this last time and it seems to have been what she needed.

Ironically, they ended up making her leave sober living and get her own apartment because they thought it was time. It hurt her feelings. I think she would still be living in sober living if they had let her. I told her that they were just pushing the baby bird out of the nest.

I think she just felt safe there and knew that in the past she did well in structured programs and always relapsed when she went out on her own. But she couldn't stay there forever and she has done well since she moved into her own apartment with a roommate from the sober living program. Sadly, her roommate has relapsed and had to go back into treatment.

So if you can find a program that is a year-long that would be ideal. Of course, your son would have to buy into this. Personally, I think he needs to leave Florida. Ideally, it would be a long-term program in another state that is close enough for more frequent visits or even another part of your state. When my daughter showed up at our house totally unexpectedly, she ended up finding a program that was about an hour away from us which worked out well. She didn't have a car so we didn't have to worry about her showing up at our doorstep but it was close enough that we could go visit her easily.

~Kathy

 

[Copabanana]

Kathy and others. How do you find these 1 year programs? Are they paid for by Medicaid? Thank you.

 

[RN0441]

Copa

They are religion based and most of the ones I have seen do not accept insurance. It's completely out of pocket and not that expensive. We actually found a few that we can afford. All are very different cost wise and program wise.

 

[Copabanana]

Rn. Thank you. What would you google? One year residential drug program? Have you identified a program? I'd your son open to it? Will you apply leverage? That is,
cut off support?

I have no leverage now asmy son is another area and is not asking to come home. Sleeping in a car in front of kfc. I am in touch with with his friend who sees him most days and says he is fine?!?!!?

The friend who is a paving contractor says my son is "aware" he needs to let a room and that there is a shared apt on the horizon. That my son has saved most of the deposit. True? I do not know. My son has worked for this friend in the past a few days week. Friend has toldy son: no work until you have a real place to stay. The work is exhausting. You have to have a place to rest.

I asked him to ask my son to call me. He has not in the past 5 days. I feel somewhat bereft. Feeling quite sorry for myself.

Rn. Where do things stand with you guys?

 

[RN0441]

Copa:

Google Teen Challenge USA. They have facilities all over the US and are faith based. I have heard wonderful things.

Our son is going to a program but for confidentiality reasons I don't want to put on here but it is one of theirs. Each location has a different program and different rules. This particular one is a 13 month program.

There are other faith based programs that I have been given by a wonderful woman on another site that I can send to you also if you give me your email address.

He has not been successful in Florida. Has been Baker Acted 2x in the past month due to saying he does not want to live. Drugs involved of course. His girlfriend called police each time. He started out well so I don't get it.

He is going back to in patient today until my husband can pick him up and drive him to new program in two weeks.

He wants to come home. We said absolutely not. First you have to successfully complete the program and then we will see how you are. Then we will determine the next step. I have had to tell him many times. He did say he would go. But he will go back and forth but it doesn't matter. I told him he has to trust us, his parents, to do what is best.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life and I have had to deal with a lot of bad things. I cannot begin to describe the pain and torment I have been feeling. I do not know how I am able to do this. I really don't.

 

[ColleenB]

I am so sorry. I know how heartbreaking this is.

I have no idea what is happening with my son and he is too old to have much influence over.

I don't know how I am going to keep this up either

 

[Kathy813]

You can share the names of programs using the conversations feature (private message) on the CD site. You just can't share them publicly.

The program my daughter had a minimum six-month commitment but she allowed stay up to a year. It wasn't residential treatment. It was a combination IOP/sober living program. It was a tiered step-down program where she moved from house to house with onsite house managers. She earned more and more freedom as she moved through the levels of the program. The last house she lived in was called a transition house and didn't have onsite supervision but she still was drug tested and had to attend a certain number of meetings a week.

It was recommended by the therapist at the last rehab my daughter was in. She said that the program had a high success rate and she highly recommended it. However, while it was great for my daughter, I know of quite a few that relapsed during or after they completed the program. It truly all comes back to wanting to get sober.

The IOP part of the program was covered by insurance. We paid the first month's rent but she was required to get a job and pay the rent herself after that.

~Kathy

 

[RN0441]

My son is back in rehab until my husband is able to fly to Florida to take him to the new faith based program the week of October 2. They were very kind to let him come back since he has not been respectful of their program but the people there are great and they like him a lot and said he is part of their family.

I have his bed reserved at the new place. He will be there 13 months. The last 5 months will be working full time. They said most graduates leave with a couple thousand dollars to put down on a car, apartment etc. There are about 30 guys in the program so not too large. Others had 60 and I felt that may be a bit overwhelming. The last part of the program is their transition time where they help guide them on how to merge back into normal society. I think this is critical for my son.

Naturally he wants to just "come home", work and go to school. Doesn't he get any credit for the time he's been in Florida he asks. I told him he started out good but then things got bad. He did not get sober. I told him that he cannot control the addiction. He has proven that time and time again. I had to tell him that right now he is an addict, a thief and a liar. I will not have that in my home.

I told him he has to trust his parents to guide him into doing what is right. He agreed to go but obviously not thrilled about it. The intake person said they never are initially but their success rate is very good. The program he is in now thinks we are making the right choice for him also and said they have heard many good things. They just had 2 spots open so I felt that was my sign that this is the right direction.

Here we go again! This is the final straw for us.

 

[Kathy813]

It sounds wonderful, RN. It actually sounds very similar to the last program my daughter was in. I have a soft spot for your son. He reminds me of my daughter in so many ways. He can do this!

~Kathy

 

[ColleenB]

I hear hope in your words RN ..... I think this is a good plan and one that he can find success in. He has learnt things from his time in Florida, I'm sure it will serve him well in his new program.

I am sending prayers and hugs xoxo

 

[pasajes4]

Rn, I have offered my son this program. I met several young men who were in the final phase of this program. They told me their stories of why they were in the program. None of them had been keen on going, but they all agreed that it had saved their lives. It was a tough no excuses program. I asked them why it was so tough. They said that one of the hardest things to overcome was blaming everyone and everything else for their addictions. The program leaders would absolutely not permit that.

My son is still on the streets because he refuses to consider the program. It is the only help I am willing to offer at this time. I can afford this program and they have a very high success rate.

 

[StillStanding]

RN,

I just wanted you to know I'm still following along and sending hope for your son.