He's the alcoholic but I'm the one

[rejectedmom]

...with the bottle of wine stashed in my bathroom cabinet and sneaking a small glass with husband on the weekend while easy child/difficult child is at AA meetings. Oh the life we are forced to lead when dealing with an addicted family member.

 

[Nancy]

I hear you. husband had his business partner over the house during the holidays and he had to go upstairs and get his bottle of scotch that we keep on hand for him out of our locked cabinet. He knows the story behind it and husband told him he feels like a kid hiding alcohol from his parents.

Nancy

 

[rejectedmom]

This weekend was the first time we even got to toast the New year. husband and I have been dry since the beginning of Nov. We do not drink much at all anyway so it was not a big deal. we might share a bottle of wine over the course of a weekend every two-three months or so. We did have a couple of giggles over our predicament but it really is an inconvience. I told husband that I didn't like drrinking wine under the gun. Iike to nurse mine for a couple of hours. LOL

I guess I do kinda resent it. We went two years without liquor inthe house for difficult child and the one time we had wine at a holiday function (one bottle split amoung 6 adults) he went to his case worker and told themthat we were all drunk in front of him. She called me and reamed me out. difficult child was supossedly sober 8 months at the time and it should not have been an issue at all. This time husband and I decided we did,t want to do do without entirely so we came up with this sneaky plan. Honestly though it takes alot of the pleasure out of sharing a nice glass of wine with husband by the fireplace on a cold afternoon. We have to watch the clock and make sure the glasses are washed and put away within the hour and ten minutes we have free of easy child/difficult child's presence. This is hard for me since I like to sip slowly and it usually takes me much longer than an hour to drink a glass. I ended up throwing a good bit of it down the drain. This was a normal sized glass (6oz filled 2/3 the way up) not one of thouse huge fishbowl type goblets. I told husband that next time he should only give me a quarter of a glass.

 

[Nancy]

I shouldn't laugh RM but the visual of us running around trying to wash out glasses and hide wine/liquor bottles is funny. I understand though. I drink very little, but when difficult child is home there just is no way I would risk having anything out.

Last Christmas we had an unfortunate incident when we were at my dad's christmas eve and we had requested ahead of time that no alcohol would be present. My sister decided she would bring wine and beer and her daughter and son and their respective boyfriend and girlfriend would be allowed to drink in the kitchen of this small apartment dad lived in. It was very awkward and uncomfortable especially since difficult child had just recently gotten out of rehap and had a small relapse. I confronted her about it later and we haven't spoken since. She said she decided since difficult child relapsed why should they not be allowed to drink.

Nancy

 

[rejectedmom]

I am sorry that happened to you with your sister. I do kinda understand what she was thinking though. My difficult child had failed so many times and just kept going back to it that husband and I and his siblings did get resentful of doing without when he wasn't taking sobriety seriously. I hope that someday you and your sister will be ablle to put this behind you.

easy child/difficult child is very serious of leading a sober life and is doing everything right at the moment. husband & I will support him in any way we can. So I guess sneaking around for a few more months is what it will have to be. He is almost 2 months sober now. He says it is 6 months that is recommended that they not be around anyone who is drinking? IS THAT RIGHT?

 

[Nancy]

That's great RM, congratulations to him. My difficult child just had her 4 month anniversary. She use to make a big deal of her anniversaries but now keeps it very quiet. She has never made 6 monthss, came with a week once but relapsed. So now she said she is keeping it quiet so she doesn't add the pressure to herself.

I think it varies on when, if ever, an alcoholic can be around alcohol. hey say the triggers last a long time. difficult child's counselor in rehab had been sober for over 20 years and she says she never goes anywhere where there is alcohol because it will trigger her to want to drink. She had to go to a nephew's wedding where they served alcohol and brought her sponsor and went to a meeting every day after until she was sure she was ok. I'm not sure if I would ever feel comfortable having alcohol around difficult child, but that's just me. She and a whole group of her AA friends go to a sports bar after thursday night AA meeting and they order wings and pop and sing karyoke. She says it doesn't bother her that people at other tables are drinking because their whole group does not and the servers all know that.

I agree with you though, I will do anything I have to in order to help difficult child keep her sobriety, even if it means sneaking around myself.

nancy

 

[AnnieO]

One of the things that husband and I have done around Onyxx is, not all the time but occasionally, drink soda pop out of wine glasses.

Took the association away...

However, if there IS that association, that might not be a good idea.

Also... Who is to say you cannot have a drink any time you wish, in your own room?

 

[rejectedmom]

I am sleep disordered. I have gone through Sleep study and have a c-pap. I also have insomnia and have taken medications for that though not recently. I went to awarness meetings and seminars on sleep practices to overcome this. I am doing well but I should not do anything but sleep and "the deed" in my bed. Must maintain a ritual and a set bedtime and follow good sleep higene etc. My routine is working and I take no medication now. I do not want to upset the apple cart by adding another activity or association with the bedroom.

but I think that for others it is a good suggestion.

easy child/difficult child drank beer not wine so I do not know if it would trigger him to see us with a wine glass but for now we do not want to risk it.

 

[DDD]

Personally, lol, I use a coffee cup. Don't know what I'd do if we entertained but our entertaining days are over. Truth be known I honestly don't think difficult child#1 (who, of course, is not in recovery) really thinks about booze at home. He associated his drinking with his favorite bar and all his drinking friends. Sigh!
But..I still use a ceramic coffee cup. What a life! DDD

 

[rejectedmom]

Oh my, DDD! My alcoholic cousin (God rest her soul) Used to walk around all day with a mug of "tea". The things we have to think of!

 

[lovemysons]

Ya rejectedmom, My vice is the Casino. I go at least once a week to get away from it all. I have a limit there as I only take cash, no cards, and when the cash is gone, I'm done.

I am a recovering alcoholic...and in the early stages of recovery, drinking going on in front of me did bother me. But now...I can mix a drink for my mom and her boyfreind and not want it. I have vivid recolections of myself drunk and the consequences that I outlined in the 4th step. It's all on paper for me to be reminded of if I need it.

Now, If one of my children died...that would likely do it for me. I could see myself starting to drink again if that happend. But that's what meetings are for...the support if/when that desire to drink hits.

LMS

 

[rejectedmom]

Thank you LMS. I guess it is different for each person. I will just ask my son, after a certain amount of time has passe,d if I can relax and not hide all evidence that might trigger him.

 

[DDD]

Wow! Tea??? What a clever idea, lol. Fortunately I don't get home until after 5. Truth be told I don't have a coffee cup in my hand daily...except filled with coffee! Come to think of it we used to have a CD expression for coffee. What to heck was it?? My Cuppa??? Does anyone remember? DDD

 

[Nancy]

When we first started going to Hilton Head for vacations before kids many years ago there was no liquor sales on Sunday. We went to this little restaurant near the hotel we were staying in and ordered a drink. The waiter politely told us no liquor on Sunday but if we want a cup of white tea they would be glad to bring it. Being the adventurous type we said sure and they brought us a white tea cup filled with white wine. It has been a joke between us ever since.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

I had a creative writing teacher in college who was probably in her 50's; had a southern accent from days gone by - I went to school in IA. She was a huge fan of Sylvia Plath and she hated everything I wrote because it was trite. (and not dark)

She poured tea from a thermos into her dainty flowered tea cup throughout our class. Except when I went up to her desk to ask a question, I realized it was Scotch and not tea. Explained a lot.

LOL

 

[rejectedmom]

Nancy and Sinorina, great stories! I think I'll go buy some white tea.