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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657026" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>A very sad legacy. </p><p>You're right. They aren't bad or evil. They are doing the best they can, just like I am, and because of our family all of us have not always known how to be good to us or to make good decisions. I actually feel sorry for Thing 1. He started out being a really nice kid who was teased and bullied in school for being sick and overly coddled by E. all her life. He has needed, as all three of us do, to be at least liked or admired and has done so in his work with his students. I think he probably tries overly hard because that is his family; his support system. I'm glad about that for him. Although I don't trust him, because I don't trust anyone in my FOO, I do feel for him as I know he suffered in his way and was so tied to E. that whatever she said, obviously he'd believe her version. I also messed up once with him, but in a normal family one mess up would be forgotten. I mean, at the time, everyone in my FOO was screaming at me and I was not exactly at my best. Is ANYONE at his or her best when being screamed at by entire family? Would 1 and 2 have been? No, not at all. I have seen 2 in meltdowns over useless lovers. Certainly she would not have done well if a parent had done to her what was being done to me at the time.</p><p></p><p>2 is not 100% bad. She is very literal and will, say, read about about how men act and then believe every word, as if there is no variation. She will read a book about relationships and believe 100% that because she felt our dad was emotionally not there (and he wasn't when we were little) that this is why she picks bad men to love. But she forgets there are always exceptions to all supposed steadfast rule. I am his child too and I picked a good man the second time. I feel badly that she can not detach herself from a man who treats her as badly as if he is beating her up every day and she goes back for more. </p><p></p><p>But both are still no longer in my life. I call them Thing 1 and Thing 2 in place of Stranger 1 and Stranger 2. </p><p></p><p>I am glad to be going through this reflective period now. I am reading a lot of Tara Braham (I always forget her last name), but her books are so enlightening. She is affecting the way I see these truths...blurring the edges so they are not as sharp. Surely, you must read her too? </p><p></p><p>Thank you for answering. In a way, you are like a best friend that I just never met. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657026, member: 1550"] A very sad legacy. You're right. They aren't bad or evil. They are doing the best they can, just like I am, and because of our family all of us have not always known how to be good to us or to make good decisions. I actually feel sorry for Thing 1. He started out being a really nice kid who was teased and bullied in school for being sick and overly coddled by E. all her life. He has needed, as all three of us do, to be at least liked or admired and has done so in his work with his students. I think he probably tries overly hard because that is his family; his support system. I'm glad about that for him. Although I don't trust him, because I don't trust anyone in my FOO, I do feel for him as I know he suffered in his way and was so tied to E. that whatever she said, obviously he'd believe her version. I also messed up once with him, but in a normal family one mess up would be forgotten. I mean, at the time, everyone in my FOO was screaming at me and I was not exactly at my best. Is ANYONE at his or her best when being screamed at by entire family? Would 1 and 2 have been? No, not at all. I have seen 2 in meltdowns over useless lovers. Certainly she would not have done well if a parent had done to her what was being done to me at the time. 2 is not 100% bad. She is very literal and will, say, read about about how men act and then believe every word, as if there is no variation. She will read a book about relationships and believe 100% that because she felt our dad was emotionally not there (and he wasn't when we were little) that this is why she picks bad men to love. But she forgets there are always exceptions to all supposed steadfast rule. I am his child too and I picked a good man the second time. I feel badly that she can not detach herself from a man who treats her as badly as if he is beating her up every day and she goes back for more. But both are still no longer in my life. I call them Thing 1 and Thing 2 in place of Stranger 1 and Stranger 2. I am glad to be going through this reflective period now. I am reading a lot of Tara Braham (I always forget her last name), but her books are so enlightening. She is affecting the way I see these truths...blurring the edges so they are not as sharp. Surely, you must read her too? Thank you for answering. In a way, you are like a best friend that I just never met. :) [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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