Hey everyone

[ML]

I just wanted to say hey to this group and that I hope everyone is finding their serenity if only in brief moments here and there. I almost had to come back to this group. Stepsongfg has been out of the house for over a year now and is doing well. We don't see him enough but mostly that's because he lives rather far (almost an hour's drive). But he has a girlfriend now who is 45 (he's 28)... but they seem happy together and he seems to be making good choices.

The reason I almost had to come back here is because we were considering allowing our friend's difficult child son to live in our basement but we thought better of it and decided it would ultimately hurt our our friendship. We would love to help this kid (21) as he has not had an easy life. He was adopted at 3 and has either bipolar or borderline (receive'd one diagnosis as a kid and the latter more recently). The army let him go because of his issues even though he was in it over a year. At least he will receive some benefits from them so that's good. I feel bad for saying no but we've been down this road with our own and I don't think we're very good at it. Though the practice would likely be good as manstser is coming up on 13 later this year and it's only a matter of time lol.

Anyway, I want you all to know how much I love you and appreciate all the kindness and support I have received from you in the past and wish you all well.

 

[Star*]

Dodged a bullet there............NO MORE BASEMENT DWELLERS! (holds up sign)

GOOD JOB!!!!!!

 

[Fran]

It's hard to say no when you know what's needed but there is a limit to what any one family can handle. I'm with you. No cellar dwellers.

 

[Jena]

it is hard to say NO. good for you, was right thing............. you never have to say thanks here that's the beauty of it.... we're just always here for eachother even when we gotta be gone a bit to handle our own crazy junk

 

[Nomad]

HARD to believe that your stepsongfg has been out of the house for a year!!!!
Sounds like you made the RIGHT choice re: the friend's son and for excellent reasons. Had to be hard though. Good for you for setting boundaries and sticking to them. Wishing you well!!!!

 

[Nancy]

I think you made the right decision. Our neighbor took our difficult child in six weeks ago and while we have never been friends it has put a wedge between us a mile wide.

Nancy

 

[Hound dog]

I also think you made a good decision.

I've had my kids ask me to "take on" various difficult child friends over the years and each time it was a firm No. Not because I didn't care about the kid, but because I had enough dealing with my own, I didn't need someone else's difficult child added to the mix.....even once mine were grown. Instead I've chose to offer a helping hand upon occasion when I've felt it would be most beneficial. I still do this with Nichole's bff fairly regularly, but trust me it's not the same as having them living in your home and up in your face 24/7.

Nichole has another close friend I care about too who is currently spiraling on a self destruct spiral that we've both had to detach from. Sad, but there is nothing else to do at this point.

But in both cases, we're not friends per se with the parents. So there is no tension there.