hi everybody

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by vickymaginn, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. vickymaginn

    vickymaginn New Member

    hi everyone , im new to all this came across it by accident while searching for some clue to my sons behaviour.
    my son joshua will be five in october and since the age of two we have had everyday displays of angry and violent behaviour that just seem to be getting worse.
    i have read about the odd on the site and it does sound very much like his behaviour.i am at my wits end with how to cope with him i have tried literally everything but no joy.
    it is emotionally and physically draining dealing with him and has put alot of strain on my marriage.
    he just dosent seem to be capable of proper interaction with people, for example yesterday i told him he couldnt have a cake and his response was that he didnt like me any more and that hes going to stab me with a knife ! which as im sure you can imagine was both hurtful and shocking coming from the mouth of a four year old.
    i also have a daughter ella who is seven and she also seems to bear the brunt of joshuas anger , he has before winded her and given her a black eye , i have tried health visitors but they dont seem to do much so monday i am going to phone up a behaviour therapist to see what they can do. im glad i found this site knowing i can talk to people in the same situation as me helps.
    anyway i will stop waffling on thanks for reading and if any one has got any ideas on dealing with joshua i am all ears.
  2. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    Hi and welcome, Vicky. I think you've found the right place for ideas and support. I have a defiant boy who will be 5 in July and his little sister (3 in a couple weeks) who seems to be following in his footsteps. I'm fairly new here, but have learned so much from these wonderful parents.

    Check in over on the Early childhood forum, you will find many more of us there sharing our situations and possible solutions.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    HI vicki. Are you outside of the US? Different countries have different types of help, as you know. ODD almost never stands alone. Have you seen a neuropsychologist? Do you or his father have a history of psychiatric problems on the family tree? Any substance abuse? Early delays of milestones?
    Welcome aboard and others will come along too.
  4. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Vicky,
    I think I would stop with the 1-2-3 Magic approach and go with what was working before. Time-outs never worked with my difficult child 1 (she is 19 now). She just didn't buy into the idea that I had authority over her. I was always amazed to see kids who would actually go sit somewhere when their parents told them to for a time-out!

    Welcome, I think you will find a lot of good advice and tons of support here!

  5. vickymaginn

    vickymaginn New Member

    hi midwestmom
    yes i am outside the us i am located just outside london.
    i havent yet had joshua evaluated , this is something i am now looking into as i feel it is the only step left. as far as family history goes i have a couple of cousins with adhd and my younger brother has dyslexia although he is on the dore programme and doing great.
    i wasnt aware that odd does not come on its own , i have expressed concerns about adhd etc to my gp before but i kinda get the feeling that he thinks im a neurotic mother who cant control her child !
    thanks for your comments
  6. vickymaginn

    vickymaginn New Member

    hi and thanks lulu i will check out taht forum
  7. vickymaginn

    vickymaginn New Member

    hey janebrain
    thanks for your comments , i have only been on here an hour but already have recieved great support ! its just nice to talk to someone who listens , i kinda get the feeling that my family and friends are getting bored of me talking about it ! i have yet to find something that works with joshua , i have tried all sorts of different ways of getting him to respond but all to no avail , feel like im talking to a wall most of the time.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi Vicky!!!

    I am sorry your gp thinks you just can't control him. Many of us find it makes more of an impression to have a videotape of the child's behaviors. Maybe your phone can take little videos?

    ODD is almost never a stand-alone diagnosis. It is a behavior pattern that is usually caused by another disorder or illness. ADHD is also a diagnosis many of us get first. And then we usually see a lot of other things. It takes a lot of time, effort and instinct to find what works.

    Read the book The Explosive Child. It is an excellent source, many here have had great luck with it. The Early Childhood forum here has a thread on using this book with very young children.

    Sorry things are so rough.

  9. AprilH

    AprilH Guest

    Hi Vicki-
    My son is almost eleven now and I noticed his behavior 'tics' when he was about two years old. You have not mentioned in your message that he is seeing any specialists for his behavior; if he is not seeing anyone right now, be prepared for a long, drawn out quest to find a doctor that he 'clicks' with, if at all. My son has seen ten different docs and psychiatric specialists over the years and they all give me different opinions on what is going on in his head, and it gets really frustrating to say the least. My son has a provisional diagnosis of ADD/ODD/Depressive Disorder, and ODD is very often 'comorbid' with other mental conditions; that is the universal agreement from ALL the doctor's my son has seen. My daughter bears the brunt of his anger also like yours does. My son threatened to kill me with a shotgun when he was eight; he believes that killing everyone with a gun that slights him solves all problems (we have no guns in the house). I am currently awaiting an appointment with his teachers and counselors to update his IEP, and I have managed to get his monthly psychiatric counseling appointments moved to once a week, small victory there. Any kind of discipline does not seem to hold any water or make a difference with my son either, and it is very frustrating.

    Like the others suggested 'The Explosive Child' has some good ideas for dealing, as well as 'From Defiance to Cooperation' and 'The Defiant Child'. All is not lost, but sometimes it is very hard to believe that it is not. Try to keep your wits about you as ODD kids can and do push buttons; it seems as if they thrive on creating conflict in the home and that they love to see everyone around them miserable and that they take pleasure in causing that misery...I think my son loves it. He has seen and heard me crying in my room out of frustration and he has LAUGHED at me.