I don't generally post on forums but I'm at the point of needing an outlet so here it goes. I've been in therapy previously to sort out personal issues but I just feel that my going to therapy myself won't change anything because this isn't exclusively about me. I have a 16 yr old daughter that I thought I had a close relationship with. But that started to disappear since about last June. The key issue is down to trust. She has always been strong willed and wanting to know why. I did all the things we are told we should do: read to them, encourage them, give constructive feedback on their behaviours so that the behaviour is addressed and not that they are "bad", talked to her openly about sex, drugs and alcohol. She has wanted for nothing. Yesterday, for the umpteenth time she told me she is so done with me, called me the "c" word and said she despises me? Why? Well a few years ago, when she started using the internet I installed parental controls and logging which she was aware of. Seemed everytime I relaxed the monitoring she would do something else stupid. Everything seriously blew up this past Halloween when I found out by monitoring her chats that she had become hugely intoxicated and was sexually inappropriate in public at a party with her boyfriend. I tried to talk to her about it but she became explosive and it has never recovered. Since last June (aside from the Halloween incident) she has done many things that have caused me to wonder what I did wrong in parenting her: Skipped school in may and june to go to a boy's house to swim and drink; went to another's house with a friend and got drunk, so drunk the boy attempted to sexually assault; went to the same friend's house and got so drunk she passd out in her own vomit; stole at least 2 bottles of alcohol from our liquor cabinet which I didn't notice until the one rare time I drink I found the bailey's was empty (we are mainly a non drinking household and the alcohol is on hand for the occassional visitor; had some friends over at the cottage and they and some other cottage neighbour kids came over 1 night and drank. yes we were there but very clever about concealing it. i later found out she embarassed even her boyfriend by her overly sexual behaviour with him; went to a school semi about a month ago and confronted the boy who almost sexually assaulted her about the "dirty looks" he was giving her and he started to push her around until her boyfriend intervened - yes she had a few, whatever that means; the following week after semi, she went out with a friend of hers, a boy we had come to like and trust. they went to a weed lounge; the week after that, she went to a party and came home with a 750 ml bottle of peach schnapps 2/3 empty - didn't even try to hide it insisting she shared. i didnt believe her and we argued and i told her that i would check the chats to see what happened. she goaded me to do so and i did. found she hadnt in fact shared all that much and that she spent some time on the couch giving her boyfriend major hickeys for all to see. She hates me because I lurk her. Is it really lurking when she knows? I would gladly stop but everytime I do she does something that makes me suspicious and when i tell her i will check she says go ahead and when i do she gets angry and unfortunately, I am generally right in my suspicions. She tells me i dont need to know what she does because sometimes its embarassing what she's done so she doesnt need me and her father knowing. She thinks her behaviour is one offs and says "its done, get over it", But its the same thing over and over. Oh and would it surprise you that my high IQ daughter (over 130) is barely passing? I just dont know what to do or where to go. In a few days we're supposed to be going on a cruise the 3 of us. Yes, confined to those tiny staterooms with our relationship in tatters. Why did I plan this you might ask? Well stupidity is the only answer I can give. We spent a week apart after christmas and then she had dental surgery and things seemed to be on the mend. No sooner did she recover than the shenanigans started again. Maybe I'm the crazy one but does anyone else see any tendancy toward risky behaviour? I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die. It would be better than this living hell called my life.