hi klmno! Wondering how it is going???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, May 5, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Just thinking of you and difficult child in this transition time. Hope he is doing well and you two are reconnecting. Just wanted you to know that even when you are busy and not able to check in, you are always in my thoughts.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi, Buddy! Things are going very well. The sd had trouble fitting E in classes that woould be useful for him since he transferred half way thru a semester so they put him in driver's ed, meaning he'd need a learner's permit. Then I learned he had to have a judge sign off on the app for it. We got that accomplished last week so E got his learner's permit yesterday. (Our state law requires the learner's for 9 mos prior to getting the driver's license and they also have to have driver's ed- if they don't do this, they have to wait until they are 19yo to get their license.) If all goes well, E will be able to get his license shortly after turning 18yo, around the time he'll get off parole.

    This weekend we are making gift baskets for him to sell as a fundraising effort for the forum that I have to pay the balance on at the end of this month.

    E really likes the kids at school because they are readily accepting him and he says they aren't cliqueish. I think that has made a huge difference in keeping things going well.

    Work is going well but I also got a tentative offer for a more permanent position making more money. I can't imagine how I'd get that job because it's actually at a higher pay level than I even applied for. It would require relocating again but I'm not sure I'd be able to afford turning it down if it does go thru. I probably won't have a definite answer for a couple of weeks, then if it did pan out I'd shoot for the move to be mid-summer....maybe around forum/July 4 time frame.

    I got the PO to give us a 1 1/2 week break from counseling since we had so much to do but that will start back in full force this week. My biggest concern these days is trying to find time to get everything done. That's a good feeling though in a way.

    Thanks for thinking of me! I'll have to catch up on what's going on with others on the board this week.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    K-I'm so glad to hear things are going so well! You and your son are always in my prayers.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So relieved school is good for him. Pretty exciting abt. the learners permit. A nice milestone to share with him!

    I hope the job does come through but I can see how relocating could be tricky.

    Is this still the same PO? I'm glad he was reasonable. Wow.

    Hugs to you and E. Hope things continue to look up!
  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    This all sounds promising and good! You deserve this!!!
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Yeah- I'm still holding my breath but PO has really come around in some ways. I can see where he has a personality that leads him to put things off a long time then overkill things but we are getting along a lot better. The main thing is that when he saw E doing well, he became nicer- unlike that PO we had long ago who nothing was ever good enough for. It was actually PO who took the learner's permit app to ask thew judge to sign.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew. What a relief--both about your son and the PO.

    I didn't know that about driver's lic. in VA. I was going to look it up in June to see if this would be a good time for difficult child to get his permit. I'm not planning on letting him drive alone for about 2 yrs, but I like the idea of practice, practice, practice.

    I'm intrigued by the job offer. Let us know what you decide.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Terry, the judge only has to sign if the kid has been found "not innocent" in a juvenile court. Now what's so bad is that potentially, an 11yo could be on probation 6 mos in NC, then get off and never break a law again, move to this state and be 17yo trying to get a learner's permit or license and then has to find a way to get the form to a judge to approve.

    The judges put a restriction on licenses for kids who shouldn't be driving and DMV is able to look that up online with the kid's SS# so it's a moot point and a PITA for the family and the judges- especially when court clerks tell you that they can't take it to the judge because the offense wasn't in this jurisdiction. Well, the form specifically says it is to be a judge in "your jurisdiction" - as in where you live now. In this case, if E hand't had a PO still in his life I don't know how we'd ever been able to get it before a judge- the judges don't want to deal with signing approval or disapproval on every DMV app for every kid ever found "not innocent" as a juvenile in any juvenile court. It's a way the governor has found around the law- if it's legally justified to prevent a kid from getting a license (previous juvenile offense involving a vehicle or owing restitution and making no effort to pay it, as examples), the judges restrict it and DMV doesn't allow it and that's understanble- this is an additional newer requirement that allows judges to disapprove the license anyway or to keep it caught in the legal system's 'black hole' so DMV won't take the app and just because a judge doesn't want to take the time to look up all these old cases. According to PO, legally, DMV isn't even allowed to ask if a kid has been found not innocent in a juvenile court.

    I noticed on a federal app for employment that they only ask for juvenile offenses committed after age 16yo and not expunged- shoot, based on that, E would still be qualified for federal employment because he was younger than 16yo when he committed the last offense. He's over the age now though and I'm stressing that to him- he might still be a minor but that cushion of protection is almost completely gone. The only thing he has left at 17yo is that they can't house him in a completely adult jail/prison should he get incarcerated again until after he turns 18 or 21. But he still could get tried in adult court and the privacy, etc, would be gone.

    As far as the license in this state- a parent has to sign off on 40-45 hours of driving experience with the learner's after driver's ed is taken and still sign permission before the kid goes to a "ceremony" at juvenile court to get the "real" driver's license signed off on by a judge. I think this is statewide and applies to all kids under 19yo whether they've ever been to juvy court or not, but I can't swear to that. So, Terry, you could let your son get the learner's around 16yo and still make sure he doesn't get his permanent driver's license until 18yo and that he gets all the experience you want. That's why I'm not too worried about E getting one so soon after getting out of Department of Juvenile Justice. Plus, he took the written portion of driver's ed in Department of Juvenile Justice but it didn't count and in order for it to count with DMV and the courts, he has to have the Behind-the-Wheel portion which requires the learner's permit. Mainstream schools in VA give both portions in 10th grade PE, which is a required course. It would have cost me over $400 to get all this done privately if I'd insisted on waiting until a later time. It's a life skill so I'd just as soon E go ahead and get it under these circumstances.
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child completed his classroom portion of driver's ed first semester this 10th grade year -- he turned 16 in August. He has such anxiety -- he was going to go and take the written/computer test at the dmv to get his permit right after he completed the course because, "it would be fresh in his mind". For some reason, that didn't happen so we are in a holding pattern.

    I've been asking and asking and asking to take him to the dmv. When he takes a practice test with the dmv online and gets anything wrong, he delays -- the anxiety! I want him to get that permit so he can take behind the wheel this summer at the same private company easy child took hers. Since he has to have his permit for 9 months, I want him to get this done so he can at least drive himself to school senior year (and I was hoping 1/2 of junior year as well). We are out of zone so there is no bus.

    And, he doesn't know it but we have a car for him. easy child has a 2001 civic. Bonehead's wife got a new car and the old one was paid for - rather than use it for a trade-in, bonehead kept it (a white vw convertible). Bonehead and I plan to give easy child the vw and pass her civic to difficult child - but only when he gets his learners.........(and it works out great 'cause I don't want him learning to drive in my car! But seriously, when easy child got her permit, I let her do all the driving from that point. I agree with practice, practice, practice.)