hi - New Here, son just put in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), will things ever get better?

[Coping11]

New here. I've admitted my daughter (bipolar, eating disorders) to several Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s in the past, both in the US and here in Europe. The first two times were a failure, she pretended to cooperate and then relapsed once she was out and was not as tightly supervised as she was at the facility. The third and fourth times were a little bit better - she seemed to gain more insight into her condition, but lacked motivation to change. She did, though, maintain healthy behaviors for a few months before relapsing, which was an improvement.
It's not a perfect solution for most kids. It can't be that for everyone. But from my experience, and from the experience of other parents I've met, it can produce some improvements. It didn't "fix" my daughter, but it provide her with an environment that gave her the kind of care she needed and kept her safe, and herself her somewhat in gaining insight and coming out of her denial. Good luck!

 

[JMom]

I wanted to say, I'm sending good thoughts your way. Had you on my mind and hope you found some reading material. I read codependent no more and it opened my eyes to my involvement being way too much.

I wasn't doing my son any favors by trying to fix it. It's snowing here in Texas and it's everything for me to keep myself from picking him up. I know he's freezing and hungry and his camp was destroyed.

It would be easier on me, less guilt, but not sure it helps him make the connection of consequences. This is so hard. We all know the hurt.
I'm glad you're here to share. I hope it gives you some reprieve from worry. Hugs!

 

[Copabanana]

I can only imagine how hard it is to know a child is in inclement weather, all shelter destroyed.

I am thinking that there are community resources being made available. Now.

I am in that situation with my son. He is on SSI. He will either fix his own problems or the community will help him. Our adult children are that, adults. It is between them and their community now. Mother love does not work anymore.

How very hard for us.

COPA

 

[PiscesMom]

wow, Coping! And here I thought for awhile that one stay at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would maybe fix everything. I am glad to hear she is doing somewhat better. Was she underage during all these stays? Did you have to pay out of pocket?
JMom, that sounds so hard! I am curious, what do you mean by consequences? Is he supposed to be taking medications? And how much responsibility for choices can you give someone who is mentally ill? Ugh, sounds horrible. Somehow I will have to figure this out as well. I hope I am not sounding at all reproachful, I am just saying it sounds horrible, and I worry so much about my son's future. And we don't have control. We can't control, right?
A long time ago I read an autobiography of a woman who spent most of her life in a mental institution and finally she made a choice - I am going to get better. And she found her way out. She practiced walking down the halls, even tho' the walls were bending in crazy ways to her. But it was all from a choice she made deep down.

question - how much can you share with others? Without violating the child's privacy? Like my son - they are thinking of a diagnosis of Psychotic Disorder not otherwise specified. I have been in a fog since that conversation. And he's had conduct disorder since he was 13 and a half. Do I get to share that with people if I go to a NAMI meeting?

 

[Coping11]

Yes, my daughter was underage during those stays. She is now 18. The first round was in the US, insurance helped a bit and we paid out of pocket for the rest. We were lucky enough to be able to afford it at the time. Here in Europe, the state usually pays for all or at least a large part of inpatient/residential treatment, which of course helps a lot.

The autobiography you've read sounds interesting - do you remember the name of the book?
That woman's story just strengthens my conviction that people must, eventually, make the decision to change. I have heard that from many people who have suffered from eating disorders and seen that in my own daughter. They will not change until they get sick and tired of their current situation (a conclusion they can reach for all kinds of reasons, not necessarily the reason which would motivate us) and decide to live their lives differently.

As for sharing - that depends on your comfort level. I imagine that once you attend several meetings, you will begin to feel more comfortable and closer to the people attending and will be able to share more. Me, I share the same way I do here, focusing on my own feelings and not sharing identifying details. In the beginning, it could be good to state the general background information and current state of things, just like you did here.

 

[JMom]

wow, Coping! And here I thought for awhile that one stay at an Residential Treatment Center (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) would maybe fix everything. I am glad to hear she is doing somewhat better. Was she underage during all these stays? Did you have to pay out of pocket?
JMom, that sounds so hard! I am curious, what do you mean by consequences? Is he supposed to be taking medications? And how much responsibility for choices can you give someone who is mentally ill? Ugh, sounds horrible. Somehow I will have to figure this out as well. I hope I am not sounding at all reproachful, I am just saying it sounds horrible, and I worry so much about my son's future. And we don't have control. We can't control, right?
A long time ago I read an autobiography of a woman who spent most of her life in a mental institution and finally she made a choice - I am going to get better. And she found her way out. She practiced walking down the halls, even tho' the walls were bending in crazy ways to her. But it was all from a choice she made deep down.

question - how much can you share with others? Without violating the child's privacy? Like my son - they are thinking of a diagnosis of Psychotic Disorder not otherwise specified. I have been in a fog since that conversation. And he's had conduct disorder since he was 13 and a half. Do I get to share that with people if I go to a NAMI meeting?

By consequences, I meant my son choosing homeless rather than rehab. We lost our medical insurance and he thinks the free ones are too religious. They are free, so they are not luxurious and often ran by recovering addicts.

 

[PiscesMom]

Coping, that is good advice. I can share more details here, anonymously. I can't remember the name of the book, but I remember being so struck by the thought of the idea of an observer within you, and that observer in her made that choice. If I can ever find it (I tried a google search but got nowhere) I will let you know.
JMom, I am so sorry to hear that! I really think we should have universal health care in the US, and rehabs that use evidence based practices. I could go on and on. But…he could go.He does have a choice.
Actually I don't mean to sound political, if I do. I just wish it wasn't so hard to get mentally ill people help. It took years to find a way to get my son help. He is at a good place,I hope he gets better. I know he will resist, but that is another issue.

 

[Coping11]

I'm sure that in time, it will become easier for you to share there simply because you will know the people, and develop a closer relationship. That's the way it goes
I think most people have these "observers" within them - the ability to look at their behaviors and situation, and know right from wrong - is this the way things should be? Am I on the right track? Is this situation good or bad for me? What should I do? People who are devoid of this ability are either severely ill, without the ability to perceive reality (my daughter was like that for many years, unable to understand that she was destroying herself. It was when she started using this "internal observer" that we knew she was improving.
I really think you did the right thing by admitting your son to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Even if he will go back to his old behaviors after leaving, you have at least given him some period of time in which he was safe and getting the help he needs. This help and treatment eventually accumulates and may lead to a good outcome.