Yes, I have two daughters, and they are so sick of hearing me talk about him. But how can I not?
I know this feeling, PM, it is hard
not to speak of it, it is overwhelming, the anxiety we go through. You have found us here, so you can write and post as much as you need, to get your feelings out. I do not speak too much with my other children anymore about their sisters. They were tired of hearing it as well. On CD, the beauty of it being anonymous, is that we can share things we would not with others. Also, there is nothing shocking to us here, most of us have been through many similar experiences. This is a safe place to vent and get your heart thoughts out.
The very cell phone that he had been sending threatening messages to me. If I can't say it here, where can I say it? My formerly loving son. the broken phone. Has anyone here had that? Threatened by their child that they used to be so close to? Please, has anyone been verbally abused like this by their child? I am sorry, I have just felt so isolated for all this time.
Yes, Pisces, I have been through this with both of my girls. Once loving, they have been at times seething with venom for me, their mother.....it is hard, but typical, that our d cs will pick on one parent, pit one against the other. It is called triangulation. It is a manipulation to keep us enabling.....It is also the drugs and possibly withdrawal speaking.
I don't think he has had anything stronger, since he is so paranoid about hard drugs.
I hope this is the case, but one never knows. At least he is in treatment. This is big, treatment, it is GOOD.
It is so long ago,(3 years) but I am going to contact the hospital that he went to when he was hit by a car, and get the records. Maybe if I knew that wasn't the cause, I could detach a little bit.
If the accident is, or is not the cause, your son still has a responsibility to act decently towards his mother. I do think the information would be of value for his treatment.
My daughters seemed to also go downhill after what happened.
I am sorry for this, what a nightmare for your family.
The older one used to have a huge anxiety problem, it interrupted her high school career. He was hit by a car right after her first year in high school. My younger daughter developed social phobia and she has since had an autism diagnosis. It is like we were the perfect family before the accident.
I have heard of this happening before, tragedy can change families for sure.
My self esteem really has gone down these past years. I was divorced, but we were happy, or so I thought. Until the accident. Or was it puberty? the divorce? Why did this happen? I don't know.
That is the big unanswerable question for a lot of us. WHY? Some kids are just prone towards drug use and addiction. It could be many things. The thing is PM, we cannot blame ourselves, people make choices. Kids make choices in their young lives. Blame, anxiety and worry does nothing to help your son, or you, for that matter. What matters now, is that he is where he needs to be. That is a plus right now, that he has a treatment option.
This is the start of his future. This is the start of a new future for you, too.
This is a good thing, that he got into treatment, a good thing for you and for him, for your family.
I guess what is making me crazy - how can i keep my son safe if he is not mentally well??
It is not up to you, Pisces, it is up to him. Mental illness, caused by head injury, drug use, or whatever, does not negate a person learning to take care of their needs. One of our Moms here, compares it with diabetes, there is treatment, and our d cs need to follow treatment, need to know how to properly care for themselves. We will not be here forever to pick up the pieces for our kids, they need to know how.
I really want to have a good Christmas. My younger daughter, who has autism, but high functioning, says Christmas was ruined last year because of my son. I can't remember the details, but I want her, and my older daughter, to have good times.
This, you can have Pisces. You do not need to mention their brothers troubles with them, it is too overwhelming. I did the same with my other two girls. My 14 year old son, spent most of his life watching his difficult sisters come in and out of our house. I finally realized how unfair it was to him, to the peace in our home.
You have found us, and that is a good start for you, to be able to share your woes here, keep posting, it really helps.
When I started posting here four months ago, I made a silent promise not to mention my two d cs to my other children, unless they brought it up.
It has helped me tremendously to be here, more than words can express. This is why I continue here, it takes such a load off of a heavy heart. I do not wish the pain of this on anyone, but to come here and share, and know that there are others out there who are going through similar things and
understand, that is something inexplicable. When I write here, to others, I am writing to myself, also, reaffirming my intent to try my hardest to keep peace in my home. I am working now, trying to detach emotionally speaking. I am tired of riding the roller coaster. It is not that I do not love my two girls, I do.
I do not want to be enmeshed and entangled in their life choices, it is too much.
There is a good article on loving detachment that helps me
http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/
This is something to put in our "toolbox" to help, when things become overwhelming.
I guess the thing about taking care of myself…yes, ..I can try.
Yes Pisces, good for you, it is work to
try to take care of ourselves, when we are so used to looking after others. It is vital, really, because we cannot function from worn out and empty. As Copa said, do something good for you
now. You can start with simple things, a tub bath, a favorite perfume, listen to relaxing music, breathe. One of my favorites, slow...way....down. If you believe in a higher power, pray, meditate.
Make sure you take time out for yourself everyday. Self care is not selfish.......it is vital to our health.....
Just saw my youngest daughter's new therapist. She wants me to …relax??? LOL. I am going to try. It is so good to have somewhere to say all this.
Yes, please try to relax, easier said than done, but when you make this a priority, take a walk, read, any little thing, little steps, to redirect your focus, it all helps.
Thank you for being here, and sharing your story. As Copa wrote, there is nothing we have not heard......
Take care dear, be good and kind to yourself, you have much worth and value,
you matter.
(((HUGS)))
leafy