Hi! New Here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 3girlz, Nov 9, 2010.

  1. 3girlz

    3girlz Guest

    Hi all,
    I am new here but very excited about finding this forum. I have 3 awesome girls. They are 6, 4 and 17 months. My 4 yr old was diagnosed with autism- Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified at 2 yrs old. She has went through a lot of therapy through early intervention and made huge gains in all areas but her behavioral and mood issues. She is now getting services through the public schools and they are only okay in comparison to EI. We recently (1 week ago) had her re- evaluated and sgot rediagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and also diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. We were not at all surprised, but are now trying to take it all in and set up the best services and therapy for her. The doctor also thinks she has bi polar warning signs and childhood depression signs, so we are going to a psychiatrist soon.

    The school says she is an angel there and says they were surprused she got Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) again cus they thought she had outgrown it. (yeah cus that happens often, right! LOL) And they are telling me they disagree with the docs new diagnosis's. she has an IEP review meeting in a month and it is not gonna be fun. I am sure I will be posting a lot of questions to you all before then.

    So, anyway I can not wait to meet you all!

  2. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Hi and welcome! you have found a great place, i wouldnt' make it thru my stuff with-my difficult child (gift from god) we call our little ppl without it! sorry you had to find us though. you sound as though you have all the ball's in the air already which is awesome!

    other's will follow, welcome again! if you want add a signature at the bottom of your page about you, kids, etc.

    welcome again and post away! it's my daily therapy to be honest. helps to vent and also great great advice here! alot of knowledgable parents. :)
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hi, Kelly.

    I really get cranky with people (the health professionals especially) who consider that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) can EVER be outgrown. No way. It is for life. They are born with it, they live with it. BUT - especially the brighter ones, they adapt to it, often to the point where they can MASK it. But you should never discount the constant effort they are making, to cope. I have often said, it's like a swan gliding serenely on the lake. Nobody realises the furious activity going on beneath the surface, to make that semblance of serenity so effective. Someone with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) needs this to be recognised because if it is ignored, people can forget that they are always under constant stress and their stress level, being always a bit higher, can sometimes snap even when they're adults. Knowing why and being ready with support means that a snap doesn't last long and they handle it better.

    For the ODD - don't get too worked up about it. It is almost certainly an environmental outcome from a combination of the child trying to cope with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), coupled with you trying to find ways to teach behaviour and social skills using discipline. These kids need different handling to avoid the ODD developing. But a book that really can help you find that better way and to use the gifts of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) to best advantage - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is a sticky on how to adapt this book to younger children. Look in Early Childhood for the sticky.

    Also keep your other kids in mind, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) tends to run in families. Temple Grandin describes autism as "an overdose of genius". These kids have in large measure, what in small measure would produce genius. Certainly in our family, the IQs are very high. Assessing them is tricky, but generally results have been interesting. The fine detail of those results can be a valuable tool also, in helping the child in areas where she hasn't scored so well. We were told that the really low score areas are a sort of artificial low, indicative of the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) problems and not really a true indicator of the child's intelligence. You can work on those areas in the child to help them adapt faster.

    We have a cluster of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in our family. We've not had access to a lot of professional help but have still had a lot of success by working out a lot for ourselves. There are a lot of brains on this site who have been where you are, so feel free to ask questions and use whatever can work for you.


  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Kelly!

    So glad that you have found your way here! Look forward to having you as part of our family.

  5. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Hello, and welcome!! I have found this to a great place to lean on and get advice from.

    I just love when the school people tell you to discount what the health professionals tell you. From my own experiences with my difficult child, I know that he is an absolute angel at school. Polite, quite, smart, always raises his hand, never talks out of turn. Then he comes home to me and the poop hits the fan, as they say. The thing is that he has held himself together all day long. Some days, by the time he gets home to me, he is wound tighter than...well, I'm not really sure what. Yes, your difficult child can be perfect in school, but that does not mean that she does not have problems in other areas. And where on earth are they getting the idea that she can "outgrow" PPD? She might be able to hide the fact that she has it, but she will always have it. It's not like a food allergy, which some kids do tend to outgrow. This is something that she will have with her for the rest of her life.

    Listen to the doctors and then decide what you feel is the best course of action to take for her. If you are confident that they know what they are doing they can give you great advice and help you to know where to turn and what to do next.

  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I tried to respond to this much earlier today, but hit something I shouldn't have and my reply is probably floating around cyberspace somewhere...

    Sorry you had to find us but glad you did! The people here are the best! They got me through some of the worst times with my difficult children and I'll always be grateful I found this site!

    Just a thought - Take it for what it's worth - in my humble opinion, if you're having problems with the school already, it might be a good idea to find an advocate. I learned the hard way that being nice didn't help my difficult children get much needed services. Now I just try to be polite, professional and prepared... You're already one step ahead of the game - You're armed with knowledge and whether you realize it or not, you're already a great :warrior: mom!!! Your daughter is lucky to have you advocating for her.

    Just checked the time - Got to pick up difficult child 2 who is just about finished with an after school social skills program. Got to fly... but glad I had the opportunity to "meet" you. SFR
  7. 3girlz

    3girlz Guest

    Thanks glad to hear I am not alone. I have been researching and found it is common with the ODD diagnosis especially for the child to be difficult ar home, but fine at school. I am bringing the articles with me to the meeting.
  8. 3girlz

    3girlz Guest

    Thank you for the response. I hate it when I write out this awesome response and it just disappears.

    I do have an advocate. I hate conflict, but I have to come will all the support I can. thanks for the nce words. I have been feeling so helpless and defeated in finding what is right for Lilly and fighting for the services she deserves.

  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A very important point for this site - keep your identity confidential. Not because we are likely to cause problems for you, but because people close to you in real world can try to find what you might be posting online about them. For example, we went through a few rough patches with our local dept of ed as well as a few teachers who made life difficult, and I knew that if I had used either my real name, or difficult child 3's real name (and especially difficult child 1's real name which has an unusual spelling) then these people would have tracked me and if they had found what I was writing, my plans would have been blocked. Your location can also give you away - not state, but town. A combination of diagnosis and location, or diagnosis and identity, can be put into a search engine. That's also why we discourage photos of family on the site. We do have ways around it, but always the aim is to ensure you always have the freedom to express yourself, say what you desperately need to say.

    You can always go back and edit your posts or ask a moderator to help you do so. I wish I'd known that when I first joined - I mentioned the name of the school by accident, and although I desperately wanted to post more, I didn't dare but instead let that thread fade off the first page.

    With the ODD diagnosis - don't get too involved with it. What it means in reality, is your chid(ren) need a different way of handling, in order to prevent the development of this oppositional behaviour. It is a reaction to their perception of people not allowing them any control in their lives, when control is how they cope. Not control of you necessarily, but control over various aspects of their own life and choices. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) from the child's point of view can be confusing, upsetting and frustrating. They desperately want to 'be normal' but are trying to study humanity to identify patterns so they can learn to do the same. They learn by imitation, especially behaviour. So any discipline methods which rely on control and domination - the child then learns to copy this and will try to control and dominate others, especially those who are personally using the domination method. "Because I said so" is the kind of parental/teacher control you should avoid with these kids. Instead, you need to use a method called Collaborative Problem Solving. CPS. It's well-described in "The Explosive Child". Or check out the sticky on this book in Early Childhood forum. I can't emphasise this enough - read up on this book, it WILL make your life easier. Grab a copy from the library, or read posts here on how it works. Because especially with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), and especially if you have a cluster of them in your house, this method works.

    We also got the ODD label but applied by a teacher - it did fit, superficially, but I realised that the underlying problem for difficult child 3 was that people tried to manage his behaviour by tightening the controls, and this only made him more determined to break out of imposed controls. We had to teach him self-control, at a very young age. But that is one of the assets of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) 9and also what causes the ODD problem) - these kids have an immense capacity for self-control. They need guidance, they need support, but do NOT do well if you try to impose your will. If yo turn it around and lead them instead of dragging them, you get amazing results.

    Getting the school on board can help. If her behaviour is good at school and bad at home, then something the school is doing for her is working well; whatever you are doing at home is not. Compare notes with the teachers and find out how they deal with various problems. A Communication Book can really help - it's a diary that travels between home and school (or emails that go back and forth, but you MUST put them all into one document and read through it regularly). We found this document gave us an early warning of problems developing, and sometimes a teacher could give me insight into a problem at home, or I could give insight into a problem at school. It was often the simple anecdotes that helped, rather than the big incidents. The big events are often following on from an earlier, smaller incident that may have gone unnoticed, such as the child having a frustrating game in the playground just before coming in to class. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who is already on edge has a much shorter fuse than usual.

    The usual discipline methods we were raised with, the sort that is held up as a model of how to raise your child, can often be a disaster for these kids. It's not s matter of bad parenting, or poor discipline, it's often too much discipline, or too strict discipline that is the problem. So all tat I mean here - you may need to change your methods at home. Find out the difference between what you do and what the school does, and try to match your methods to the school's.

    And READ THE BOOK. Yes, I'm nagging. At least read about it. Get a copy from the library (I also don't buy books until I'm sure I really want them; libraries are there to be used and to save me money!).

    Let us know how your meeting goes.