HI new here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Chrissy, Oct 22, 2007.

  1. Chrissy

    Chrissy New Member

    I have just found our my 12 year old son has ODD/ADHD. I have been so frustrated with him and never knew what to do. I had placed in him therapy cause he bio dad had been arrested May of last year and thought he needed to talk about it, in the mean time Zack got himself in trouble at school by writing a "Hit List" and was placed on Probabtion of 6 months. His first therapist was leaving and I had to find someone else and after much searching I found a wonderful guy who right away tested Zack, (the other one never did). I am relived for answer but mad and upset for it not being found earlier. I am not sure what I do from here but it is very hard to deal with. I am remarried (8years) to a wonderful man who has been more of a "dad" to zack then his own dad (who is currently in rehab. I also have a 3 year old daughter who has Cystic Fibrosis, so needless to say my hands are full. I'm going to browse around and looking forward to talking with you all. :smile:
  2. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Welcome aboard. Check out the first forum. It gives help with this site. There are many kids and adults who don't get diagnosed early. My mother was 56 when she was diagnosed with bipolar. It is extremely frustrating, but now you have the cause of his behavior.

    You may also want to check out the archives( towards the bottom of the forum list), they have some really good topics too.
  3. Chrissy

    Chrissy New Member

    Thank you. I know I left out alot leading up to where we are at but it is hard with a 3 year old tugging at you,lol. She is napping now so I will try and fill in a bit.

    Zack is overall a good kid but loves to push my buttons and often. I tried everything when it came to punishments, I took it all away from him or one thing at a time, nothing worked. He lied about everything and made every story into something bigger then it was. In the 4th grade he wrote a ransom note and was almost expelled for a short time. He never seems to care about what he does, right or wrong. He is so sneaky it is scary. He is always moving, fidgiting, biting his nails and things. He tries to put the blame for his wrong doings on everyone else and trusts no one. Like with the "Hit List", he said he didn't trust a teacher to talk to cause they only listen to the popular kids. Which is sometimes true. He never said he was sorry for it and when we went to court he acted like it wasn't a big deal. He was rude with his probation officer and is rude with his teachers.He acts like everything is my fault and always blames me for hsi wrong doings. Zack will not try nothing new, will not play sports and really dislikes being told what to do. He is always talking about the future and he will be his own boss. I am always tense around him cause I never know if what I say will make him mad and explode. I hate feeling the way I do but it is so hard. My family put blame on his Bio dad and being a preteen. I look back at some many things that we have gone through and am amazed at how this was all right there. After finding out about ODD/ADHD I did massive reasearch and just cried while reading and kept telling my husband, "This is Zack". I've had a few suggest ADHD to me but thought it was only a learning disorder and Zack actually gets good grades but choose not to cause his friends don't, he is very bright but lazy when it comes to homework and studying. I'm hoping to learn more about both things from people who experience them, like with Miss J and her CF. I searched the net and got all the horror stories untill I found a great place to talk to others going through the same thing. He is being seen weekly and I will be starting on the 31st. My panic attacks are back in full swing and I don't sleep which doesn't help matters anymore. Any questions are welcome too. I'm off to read while Miss J is sleeping even though I should nap. Thanks again for the welcome. :smile:
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm wondering who diagnosed him and how long ago was his last evaluation?
    Also, do mood disorders run in the family? Substance abuse is a red flag for mood disorders.
    Are you confident nothing more than ADHD/ODD is going on? The reason I ask is that stimulants for ADHD can make other disorders actually get worse.
    How was his early development? Speech? Socialization with peers? Eye contact? Did he like to cuddle? Does he adapt well to change in his environment?
    Has he ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation?
  5. Chrissy

    Chrissy New Member

    His first appointment with the new therapsit was (for me to talk without Zack) Oct 12th, the therapist gave me and the school papers to fill out and then Zack had is appointment that following week. And goes again Monday 29th and he said he wants further testing, What would that be??? I have a list of questions written down cause I guess I was bit overwhelmed.
    After talking to this guy he asked about Zacks bio dad and they are so much alike, he was so into drugs and drinking. Now my side my dad was a alcoholic and is sober 12 years. I was diagnosed with sever depression and anxiety, I get very bad panic attacks.
    The therapist doesn't want to do anything till he gets all his evaluations done with Zack.
    zack was a pretty much on his milestones, I have to dig out his baby book cause the therapist ask me as well, speech wasn't the greatest and is currently attending speech therapy, He does not make eye contact, he always looks away and if I tell him to look me in the eye he laughs at me when he talks. Just like his dad did.
    He only has a couple good friends and even those he can turn on quick. He likes hanging out with this kid who is 15 and has major issues and I don't like it cause they ran away two summers ago and I think he put things into zacks head and makes matters worse for him. Right now he doesn't go to far cause he is on probation.
    He is not good for change at all that is why I thought alot of what we went through was just that "change". He was 5 when we moved into our house and he started school. He cut up my couch, peed down my furnace vents, peed in his room, wrote all over my walls and windows, cut the screens, and to this day he is very disruptive and blames everyone else for it. I have lattice around my porch and there isn't a sheet that isn't broken from him.
    No he hasn't had a neuropsychologist evaluation, should I request one? I'm not sure what I should be asking this guy and what else I need to do.
    He said from just talking to me and reading his other reports that he was pretty sure he has ODD/ADHD. He wants other testing to confirm. I thought I'd get some research done so I can prepare myself and learn as much as I can so I can help Zack. I don't understand why the lady we saw never did any testing and she'll let Zack just sit and talk about anything that had nothing to do with why we were there. I was ready to pull him out of there when she announced she was leaving.

    On and to answer this Are you confident nothing more than ADHD/ODD is going on? I have to say no, cause I think there is more going on with him. One question I have is Bipolar?? But once again I know nothing about but have a few suggest it to me about him.
    This all so confusing and overwhelming to me. I thought when we got Jadens diagnosis I was confused, that was nothing compared to all this.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Frankly, I'd want a neuropsychologist evaluation rather than just seeing a regular therapist. Sounds like he has some sort of disorder beyond ODD to me, and you have some problems in the family which are hereditary. I'd want to check it out by having a neuropsychologist evaluation. Lots of therapists and regular psycologists don't test. They don't really know how. We have run the gamut of professionals and in my opinion NeuroPsychs come the closest to the true diagnosis.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Chrissy, welcome.
    I had my son tested by a neuropsychologist, too, and he decided against Asperger's and for ADHD in about 5 sec. flat. I asked about the eye contact (which you had mentioned) and the dr. said that my son made good eye contact when you asked him a direct question, and the rest of the time, he was just darting his eyes around like a typical ADHD kid. It's really hard to explain unless you meet a kid who has it, and see them side by side. (It's also possible to have both.)
    Transitions are hard for my son, too, so I can imagine how hard that move must have been. Still, to tear apart the furniture, urinate in the furnace vents, and slice the screens is more than just ADHD, it's destructive. I can see why the therapist wants to do more testing.
    Did he ever tell you why he cut the screens or ruined the couch? Was he angry and having a meltdown? Or just antsy and bored and over-the-top? I know it's hard to tell ...
    Does he ever talk to you much?
    How much contact did he have with-his bio dad, IOW, how much of his laughing at you while talking is learned and how much is hereditary? Is it a nervous laugh? Or what?
    His dad could have been self-medicating with-drugs and alcohol for an undiagnosed condition.
    It's really hard to diagnosis bipolar in a young child, but at 12 it's a bit easier. There are lots of people here who can help you with-that.
    Good luck! Let us know what happens.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanting to add in my welcome. Glad you found us-you will find much support here.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi Chrissy & Welcome

    Your disposition is as sunny as your flower by your name. IT helps to have a good attitude when dealing with these kids as they will zap the life right out of you, siblings, DF and your relationship.

    This is a great place to come, share and enjoy a laugh or two. Truly a soft place to land for the battle weary parent.

  10. Chrissy

    Chrissy New Member

    He always talks to much, all of his teachers tell me that at our meetings and he like that at home. Our neighbors son tell s Zack he talks to much, he never lets you get a word in and always interrups me, he is always in my face no matter what.
    As far as the couch he said he didn't know why he did any of those things, that is the best answer I could get outta him at the time. Very muc ha nervous laugh, he always acts like he is guilty of something. His bio dad was suppose to get him every Tuesday and Thursday eve, he never did, and everyother weekend, which he ended up dropping him off at his parents home. zack has seen alot of a kid his age when it came to his dads drug use and drinking, he was left to care for his little brother while they got stoned ( I found all this out and turned him in to CYS and stopped sending Zack) That was about 3 months before he got arressted for armed robbery. He hasn't seen him since cause he was in jail and now in rehab till we think Feb, not sure how long his program is.

    Today was another blow out as usual. He does things he knows hes not suppose and does them when I am busy with Jaden. Plus he eats like he is starved, ya think I''d never feed the kid.
  11. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Most kids have a hard time when there parents aren't together and its harder on them when the absent parent has problems. I sure hope your difficult child has somebody outside of family he can turn to for help with how he is feeling.

    My peanut acts up between 4:30 and 6:30..making dinner,eating, bath time..etc.. I totally could skip those times. I was told it could be he needs more attention. I don't know. He gets more attention than anyone else in the house. I hear your frustration and can relate.

    I was telling my aunt that I thought mothers needed more than just MOthers Day, we need a Mothers Week. One week where everything is ok..not great, but ok...I know I am dreaming.. :sleeping: Its such a lovely dream though. I can't even have a sick day :ill:, so I guess a week is out of the question.


    You are in my prayers. I am glad you found us.
  12. Laelee

    Laelee New Member

    Hello! I'm new too and wanted to say welcome. I'm enjoying the support here and I'm sure you will too:)
  13. Chrissy

    Chrissy New Member

    LOL I couldn't agree more. My friend always says it isn't her Birthday it is Birthday WEEK. That is one thing zack does ALOT. When I am busy he drives me crazy, but then he uses the time I am busy with Miss J to be sneaky. I have to do a vest on her and it takes 20 mintues and she makes me sit with her and if you leave she screams. What is even harder is husband works nights so he is bed by the time Zack comes home from school so I deal with all this alone!! I have some time to look around more here and have lots of question so I am hoping to find answer before I reask things. Thanks again for the great welcome, I already feel at home here. :smile: