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hi was diagnosis with ptsd does anyone else have??
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 131179" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi</p><p></p><p>thanks so much for sharing that with me, both of you. the flashbacks have been hard the emotions are flying back with them. my abuser is my father. i knew of it and saved myself many years ago and came back to new york on my own.</p><p></p><p>yet the story i told myself for years the way in which i viewed it was quite different from reality. it was pretty bad. boyfriend adn i got into conversation one night about two weeks ago and he is very blunt with me and i like that. he brought me somewhere mentally that no one else has ever taken the time to do. believe it or not with the way we both tripped a little in beginning made our mistakes both of us he has become my rock i have never allowed any man to ever be that. have wanted it but wasn't able to allow it. he is loving me through this through difficult child's issues bigger difficult child's issues in a way in which i have never experienced with sincerity and without judgement. he has been there for every ugly memory and held me close every single night i shook as they flew back.</p><p></p><p>i agree 100% on the abuse issue regarding our girls. i have stopped two levels of abuse which i am happy to say sexual abuse (because unfortunately statistics do show that one who has been sexually abused abuses, and also one who has been beaten both verbally and emotionally, abuse) so i've used great caution in my words to my older difficult child as of late. </p><p></p><p>it is very scarey to be almost 38 and to have memories from 2- 16 come back. </p><p></p><p>i am proactive in my pursuit of happiness and mental health at this point. boyfriend is supportive on all levels amazingly so. emotionally, financially......... </p><p></p><p>i am in the pursuit of controlling the obsessional thinking and the flooding memories via the drug use, i am also getting back my power now slowly by taking legal steps to pursue charging my abuser. it does not matter if it is never prosecuted the point is it's an intrical step in my healing process i have learned. abuse takes our trust our power and level of control away i have also learned.</p><p></p><p>i have also learned that i have made some questionable choices in my life due to all of this and the fact ive been running from it since 16 the final episode of it in my chapter. i chose the exact abuser in my marriage i sought extensive counseling regarding that and hence did not make same mistake. boyfriend has had his issues granted as many of us do the use of language in the house, etc yet after conversations with him regarding all he immediately put forth extreme effort in correcting the behaviors i found to be unacceptable. </p><p></p><p>i'm not going to lie timings bad difficult child's evaluation starts tomorrow i'm afraid now like never before the confident go get em' jen is down for the count somewhat noises affect me and scare me,etc. so i'm a little afraid of going alone to the hotel with her and stuff. boyfriend just continues to say to me (as no one else ever has) you can do it your a strong woman and you can do it. therapist new doctor feels that these issues and memories are resurfacing due to fact it is the first time in my life that i am in a relationship in which i am getting what i am giving someone is actually taking care of me for a change instead of me them. which has also been a pattern of nurturing that i seem to posses to an unhealthy level. he doens't need my guidance or talks or help with issues. he is helping me.</p><p></p><p>i do feel badly though he's gotten so much in his choice to be iwth me between difficult child's and now this it's alot on someone. our relationship believe it or not is still fairly new. yet with him i knw it's ok to ask for help. something else i have huge issue with. i asked him last night i said i need you now i need your support to get through this (to me this is admitting weakness by the way) and he said i love you i'm here i'm not going anywhere not always sure waht to do for yuo or how to help you but you let me know how you are feeling ie. scared alone insecure and i'll be there to walk you thru it.</p><p></p><p>i'm a prisoner in my own mind right now tha'Tourette's Syndrome the scariest hence need for medications at this point i truly believe. i can't get out of my head and i cna't stop the thoughts but i'm working really hard at letting them come and feeling my way thru them.</p><p></p><p>yes i do that if i can get thru this dark tunnel i'm in and get to the other side of it i will be as well my family stronger healtheir people for it. it's just well i kinda dont wanna go but i have no choice now.</p><p></p><p>thanks again for your words and kindness. this place has affected me on alot of diff levels. has made me see changes that need to be made, directions to go into.</p><p></p><p>lots of hugs to all of you</p><p></p><p>Jen <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 131179, member: 4514"] hi thanks so much for sharing that with me, both of you. the flashbacks have been hard the emotions are flying back with them. my abuser is my father. i knew of it and saved myself many years ago and came back to new york on my own. yet the story i told myself for years the way in which i viewed it was quite different from reality. it was pretty bad. boyfriend adn i got into conversation one night about two weeks ago and he is very blunt with me and i like that. he brought me somewhere mentally that no one else has ever taken the time to do. believe it or not with the way we both tripped a little in beginning made our mistakes both of us he has become my rock i have never allowed any man to ever be that. have wanted it but wasn't able to allow it. he is loving me through this through difficult child's issues bigger difficult child's issues in a way in which i have never experienced with sincerity and without judgement. he has been there for every ugly memory and held me close every single night i shook as they flew back. i agree 100% on the abuse issue regarding our girls. i have stopped two levels of abuse which i am happy to say sexual abuse (because unfortunately statistics do show that one who has been sexually abused abuses, and also one who has been beaten both verbally and emotionally, abuse) so i've used great caution in my words to my older difficult child as of late. it is very scarey to be almost 38 and to have memories from 2- 16 come back. i am proactive in my pursuit of happiness and mental health at this point. boyfriend is supportive on all levels amazingly so. emotionally, financially......... i am in the pursuit of controlling the obsessional thinking and the flooding memories via the drug use, i am also getting back my power now slowly by taking legal steps to pursue charging my abuser. it does not matter if it is never prosecuted the point is it's an intrical step in my healing process i have learned. abuse takes our trust our power and level of control away i have also learned. i have also learned that i have made some questionable choices in my life due to all of this and the fact ive been running from it since 16 the final episode of it in my chapter. i chose the exact abuser in my marriage i sought extensive counseling regarding that and hence did not make same mistake. boyfriend has had his issues granted as many of us do the use of language in the house, etc yet after conversations with him regarding all he immediately put forth extreme effort in correcting the behaviors i found to be unacceptable. i'm not going to lie timings bad difficult child's evaluation starts tomorrow i'm afraid now like never before the confident go get em' jen is down for the count somewhat noises affect me and scare me,etc. so i'm a little afraid of going alone to the hotel with her and stuff. boyfriend just continues to say to me (as no one else ever has) you can do it your a strong woman and you can do it. therapist new doctor feels that these issues and memories are resurfacing due to fact it is the first time in my life that i am in a relationship in which i am getting what i am giving someone is actually taking care of me for a change instead of me them. which has also been a pattern of nurturing that i seem to posses to an unhealthy level. he doens't need my guidance or talks or help with issues. he is helping me. i do feel badly though he's gotten so much in his choice to be iwth me between difficult child's and now this it's alot on someone. our relationship believe it or not is still fairly new. yet with him i knw it's ok to ask for help. something else i have huge issue with. i asked him last night i said i need you now i need your support to get through this (to me this is admitting weakness by the way) and he said i love you i'm here i'm not going anywhere not always sure waht to do for yuo or how to help you but you let me know how you are feeling ie. scared alone insecure and i'll be there to walk you thru it. i'm a prisoner in my own mind right now tha'Tourette's Syndrome the scariest hence need for medications at this point i truly believe. i can't get out of my head and i cna't stop the thoughts but i'm working really hard at letting them come and feeling my way thru them. yes i do that if i can get thru this dark tunnel i'm in and get to the other side of it i will be as well my family stronger healtheir people for it. it's just well i kinda dont wanna go but i have no choice now. thanks again for your words and kindness. this place has affected me on alot of diff levels. has made me see changes that need to be made, directions to go into. lots of hugs to all of you Jen :) [/QUOTE]
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hi was diagnosis with ptsd does anyone else have??
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