Hide the sporks

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Jul 17, 2008.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I've already hidden all the sharp objects in this house, so the only thing left are the sporks. I'm going to hurt roomie Dave.:angrygirl:

    It's 2am and he is literally being a carpenter in his room. He's putting up shelving and constructing a bed that you would think is a shrine. Now, why he would need this shrine bed is beyond me because he can't even say hello when you greet him. "Hey Dave, how are you?" Silence. Ok, then.

    Music blaring, TV blaring, pounding after pounding....I'm going to go look for a spork. I don't know if I'll stab me or him.


  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Abbey, it sounds like it's time to bring out the big guns. Put on your big girl grannie panties and parade around the house. Didn't that stun him into submission the last time he saw them? ;)

  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Don't use a spork. Find some Splayds. They're an Aussie invention, work like a spork only their tines are much more fork-like and effective. Just about all Aussie households have genuine Splayds as well as knock-off copies.

    Having seen and use sporks, I would not recommend them as a weapon of choice. Especially the plastic ones. The tines are too short, too wide and they break too easily, especially if you hit a rib.

    Gimme a good stainless steel Splayd any day.

  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I think you need to shack up somewhere else on the night that he is home. Yeesh? Does he not think that you might want to sleep?
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    If its any consolation, the humor with which you greet such situations makes me smile....

    Lemme know how that spork works.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Why would you need a spork? If roomie Dave is building, he has all the sharp objects you need. Maybe you could modify the bed/shrine into a box, and put him in there...only let him out during daylight hours...and confiscate all building materials.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Suz, it's one of the other roomies, but granny pants might scare the heck out of him, too. I'm pretty effective with that tool. Maybe better than a spork, now that I think of it.

    Know what I'm doing right now? The little jerk is sleeping. It's 8am and I have MY TV blaring. Try to sleep, dork. I might try slamming a few doors to add to the effect. And then when he bonks on my door, I'll answer with my grannies.

    Love you Dave. NOT.

    (Marg you crack me up.)

  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Here is the PLAN:

    1. At your lights off, cut all electricity to the house.

    2. Find and hide all hammers, wrenches, anything that may
    be used as a hammer.

    3. Get a large poster board and write:
    FROM THENCE TIME ON (Dave, that means from now on), A NO NOICE ORDINANCE WILL GO INTO EFFECT FROM _______ PM TO ________ AM. (Dave, this means be quiet, no hammering, no nothing - you need your sleep also, let's all use this as a quiet time).

    4. Hang poster to his bedroom door.
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Andy...I'm dying at the explanation of 'thence time on.' :rofl: I imagine I would have to explain that to him.

  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    While you're watching your favorite amplified morning TV program, you might consider doing some vacuuming to further enhance the early morning silence. Also, you'll probably need to turn on the garbage disposal for about 20 minutes to freshen it up. You'll be pretty thirsty by then, so you might want to make yourself a breakfast smoothie -- with lots of ICE -- in a large industrial blender.

    This reminds me of a story my kids used to enjoy, only now the title would be "If You Give A Roomie A Hammer".
  11. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Lol!!!!! Does Silent Dave take direction at all? Oh wait, You say he does not respond when spoken to. Hmmm, If so you can send him my way, I can sure use a carpenter at my place. Lol!!! Don't know about the shrine thing though. Thats kind of creepy.... could be worse though could be building a coffin...... O-My did I just say that, My bad.... :)
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    He doesn't respond. Is it possible he's deaf?

    Other than that, I'd go with the sign. Failing that, I'd find the breaker to his room and turn it off when he's being Carpenter Guy.
  13. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I don't think he's deaf...he's just an ahole.

  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    And quite definitely a difficult child. Who else would be building any thing at 3 in the morning!

    I have cut myself on a spork, they can be quite dangerous. :tongue:
    I personally would have used it. Actually, I probably would have screamed, but you know.
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Serious suggestion, taking a leaf from the book at Milford Lodge, the eco-friendly upmarket backpacker's lodge we stayed in a year ago at Milford Sound -

    They were a tiny place stuck in the middle of a very precious wilderness. So no wires running power in, no water pipes, as small a footprint as possible on the land.

    But they needed power to run the computers, the phones, the lights, the heating and the water pumps (the water supply was from the glacier-fed streams). So there were notices around - the power came form a generator which was switched off at 11 pm and not turned on again until 6 am. If you needed to get around after "generator out" (such as going to the loo, or going to see the glow-worms) you had to have a torch. Because it is nestled between very high mountains very close by, moonlight was even not enough, because the mountains blocked out the moon except for an hour or two in the middle of the night. That place was DARK and COLD during the generator off time.

    So do the same thing - in the interests of being more eco-friendly and trying to do your bit to reduce greenhouse gases in the US, shut off your power board at an official family-notified "lights out". And do not switch it on again until the official "lights on" time, as set by you - the main tenants of the house.

    For heaven's sake - whose house is it? If ANY tenant or house guest cannot abide by house rules, he should be given a warning, and eventually asked to leave. Major carpentry work at 3 am is not on. If his bed has collapsed at 2.45 am, then he can drag the mattress onto the floor and sleep there until a more civilised hour.

    From personal experience with difficult child 1 - as soon as you pander to their nocturnal schedule, they abuse it and continue to live as if night is day and day is night, and will complain if your activity disturbs them.

    I've told my late-night game-playing kids - we have a fuse box on our power board and I'm not afraid to use it.