Well, just when one difficult child (Bubby) seems to be having better days, the other one (JT) messes up! First of all, I want to say that I know JT was wrong in everything he did. But is the school's personnel out of line here? I hope you'll read on and let me know what you think. Here's the story: JT (age 16) has significant ADHD and some ODD, although, his ODD has improved a lot over the years, to the point where he is doing well at home and is getting a 3.5 GPA in school. His teachers like him, and he is generally good-natured and easy going. BUT . . . JT has been bullied over the years, particularly in his sports by some older teammates. We notified the coach a number of times, however, the bullying continued on and off. While JT doesn't get into trouble very often, it seems that when he does, it's a big deal. He is extremely impulsive. Fast forward to this past week. The school called stating JT was being suspended for two days for getting carried away in the locker room with a younger teammate. What started out as goofing off - snapping towels, running around, etc., turned into a sort of underclassman initiation, complete with way too much hair gel put on the kid's head, shoving around, and duct tape. JT was inflicting these things on his teammate. Unbeknownst to us, this sort of freshman harassment has been happening on the team for years, and JT told us that with this incident, they were all laughing about it at first, until it got too carried away. I completely agree that JT was wrong, that he deserved a consequence, etc. We thought the two-day out-of-school suspension was reasonable. He had a big sports meet scheduled a couple of days later, but we were told he could participate since he would have served his suspension. That was a relief, as JT has been practicing and training SO hard the whole season. He was really looking forward to going. The suspension and meet decision was made by the athletic director, and we felt it was appropriate. We talked to JT of course, and JT admitted that he should have stopped himself from behaving that way. He felt ashamed, and he said that he'd seen other kids on the team do this over the previous couple of years without consequence. He thought it was funny at the start, but it really wasn't, obviously. The boy who JT picked on happens to be the son of a teacher in the school. Okay, so the day JT went back to school (after serving his suspension), he apologized to the boy he picked on, as well as the boy's dad (the teacher), by visiting the dad's classroom. JT aplogized to him, and the dad told JT he should be aplogizing to his son instead. JT explained that he had aplogized already to the son, but that he thought he should also apologize to him. The dad told JT, "If I were my son, I would have beat the snot out of you!" Later that day, my husband received an e-mail from the coach that this dad/teacher had e-mailed the coach asking why JT wasn't suspended from the big meet in addition to being suspended from school. So, the coach was feeling pressured to pull JT from the meet, apparently. We believe the same/a similar e-mail was sent to the principal and athletic director by the dad/teacher. The principal of the school then cornered JT in the hallway and pulled him aside during the school day. He said that he knew JT had been in trouble in the past (18 months ago, JT stole money in the locker room, but has not made a mistake since then). He told JT that if anything happened to the younger boy (if he were called a name, or if some other kid in the hallway swore at him, etc.), that JT would be held responsible regardless of who did it. He told JT that he would receive an automatic 5-day suspension and that the police would be called. Basically, if any kid gives this boy a hard time from this point forward, JT will be held responsible and assumed to have told someone to harass this boy. The principal used the "F" word in this conversation, and I just don't think there is any appropriate context for that. The athletic director then told JT he would have to apologize to his entire team, admitting what he'd done, etc. Now, again, I don't have a problem with accountability. I don't condone JT's behavior at all, and I'm ashamed and upset my son would do that sort of thing, especially given he was on the unwanting receiving end of it in the past. But, I am equally upset at the school's response (other than the athletic director who handled things well at the start). The other boy's dad used his position with the school to influence the consequences for JT. And, when JT apologized to him, he told JT that if he were his son, he'd have beat him up good. Is that professional? We were not informed that JT would have to apologize to the entire team. I have no problem with the fact that they asked him to do this, just that we weren't informed and the other dad/teacher was involved in requiring this, and that he tried to use his position to create additional consequences for JT in the form of suspension from a big meet. Also, the principal's threats of calling the police on JT if someone else bothers the other kid seems out of line. I don't appreciate his language either. Now, I'm SO concerned that this isn't over; that this other boy will continue to complain and that JT will be blamed for anything/everything. JT admitted he screwed up. He didn't lie about it. He served his suspension, apologized, and received consequences from us at home. Missing practice for two days was a big deal to him. Yet, there's some sort of vengefulness going on the other way now. He's been threatened by the dad/teacher (through his fighting words) and the principal. I can't shake the feeling that the school is lying in wait to pounce on JT in the future. What do you think about the other boy's dad/teacher saying he would have beat up JT if he were his son and getting involved in the consequences (what about privacy rights, etc.)? The school assigned its consequence, and then he demanded more punishment from the school and the coach. And what about the principal's threats against JT, and his swearing during the conversation, etc.?