History on my lil difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by unsure, Feb 18, 2010.

  1. unsure

    unsure New Member

    Hi everyone!
    I did my newbie post and gave you generailzed info on the family dynamics and such, but that I need to post more specifically about my lil difficult child as to give you a better understanding as to why I'm here.
    Roughly, 4 years ago I left my difficult child's father and our divorce has been final for 3 years. It was not pretty in the beginning of the separation/divorce because my ex couldn't keep his thoughts/feelings/opinions to himself about the demize of our relationship and expressed this to and in front of our children. As with most lil boys age 7 - 12, my son idolizes his father and has a hard time differientiating between his own thoughts/feelings/opinions and his fathers...he tends to take on his father's as his own. No surprise, this has effected how my son feels about me, my new husband and our way of life...rules, guidelines and responsibilities.
    Over the last couple of years, my son's behavior has changed greatly and he has become more defiant, mouthy, opinionated and acting out. He does not hesistate to talk back or as he puts it 'stands up for himself'. He blantly ignores the rules we have, his chores, his homework, etc. He is mean and full of anger. He's not so much violant towards people, but has been known to slam doors and bang on furniture. He will lock his door to keep me out. His room is a mess, despite repeated attempts to have him keep it clean.
    Academically, he had to have tubes put in his ears twice...once in kindergarten and again in 3rd grade, which he had to repeat 3rd grade. He has had Title I classes and tutors for both reading and math since 1st grade. He's become quite good at Math, but still struglles in his reading and grammar. He goes to his father's on Tuesday and Thursday and every other weekend. He brings them home by 8 on Tues. & Thurs. Most of the time my son's homework is not done on those nights when he gets home. We have a log that we have to sign every night as proof that we are aware of his assignments and that we've checked them. My son's log reflects my signature on Mondays & Wednesday...they don't usually have homework on Fridays and there is no signature on Tues. & Thurs. unless I sit him down at 8:00 when his dad brings him home and has him do it then. I try to have him in bed and asleep by 9 at the very latest to keep him from being moodier then normal the next day.
    While at his father's he eats, and drinks whatever he chooses, including energy drinks (which I don't allow at my house), watches whatever he wants on tv and on the weekends he there he stays up all night with his cousins playing inappropriate - mature rated video games on his xbox.
    And people wonder why he hates my home!?!?!
    Rather then ramble on further, I'll stop here and let you start throwin out questions to me. Thanx for listening.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Did your difficult child's issues start after the divorce?

    Is your difficult child in counseling to deal with his feelings about the divorce?

    Is it possible for you and your ex to work out agreements (via a counselor) about how the children will be parented in both homes (re: homework, eating, etc)?
  3. unsure

    unsure New Member

    Hi Smallworld~

    Yes his issues started after the divorce and have progressively gotten worse.

    My difficult child was in counseling for awhile as well as my easy child. It seemed to help easy child emmensely, but difficult child only said and did what he needed to to get out of counseling and is no longer going. That is partially my doing because I didn't feel that the counselor was doing him any good really and that difficult child was only there to get his way with things...he would point blank lie and argee to things if that would get him out there. Sorry but I'm by no means rich and I'm not paying for something that isn't effective. difficult child was usually anger and harder to handle after his session also.

    No it's not possible for the ex and I to work out an argreement (via counselor) or otherwise. We've been down those roads to. That is where difficult child gets the 'tell them what they want to hear and then do whatever you want' from his father. He would attend his counseling session and IEP meetings and tell them whatever they wanted to heat and agree that he was on board with everything and then go home and throw it all out the window. So as a result of this, I handle things how I see fit in my home and let him handle things how he sees fit at his...it's easier on me that way. My easy child and SD has adjusted to different sets of lifestyles and rules and my difficult child will too eventually. I also come from a divorced family and I adjusted to two different ways of life and I'm fine, but maybe that clouds my perspective of things.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Can the teacher contact him to remind him about signing off on the homework? Perhaps having that professional in charge of that trail of events would motivate your ex.
  5. unsure

    unsure New Member

    We've been down that road to...stick for a week or so and then right back to the same old same old.
    I'm waiting to hear from the school now for his next IEP meeting. Will let the school know then that it is their responisbility to see to it that Dad is kept informed and on board cuz I'm done with it.