Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jere, Dec 6, 2007.

  1. Jere

    Jere New Member

    My son (7) has been hitting the aids and bus driver assist. He has done this a few times when he gets mad. Usually the driver assistant because he was not first off the bus. He has issues with always wanting to be first. Me and the teacher say pick your battles with him and that is one you should just let be. He is in the first seat on the bus so natually he should be the first off but they will hold him back so another kid can get off first? the aid has to move in order for my son to move so he will hit her in the arm if she blocks him. Then it sets off for a bad day for him.

    The aids! Well they might have just said no a few more times than he wants and he gets mad and hits them in the arm or kicks them in the leg. He has never hit his teacher he said he wanted to to her but she tells him he will get in big trouble. Not sure what the aids are doing to prevent him or if he just does not give anyone any warning.

    So he does not hit kids or anyone in our family! He wouldn't even think about hitting his brother who in fact on several occcanions have given him a bloody nose! and he is younger only 3 years old but he will not touch him. He wouldn't even think of hitting me or his dad. I just don't get why he thinks he can hit them. I can only think maybe it is because they can't hit him back. I told him if they can't I can and I will. I hate spanking especially because it just doesn't work for him. He gets even madder and becomes the room recker. his own room, and I make him pick it up when he has calmed down. Anyhow we don't know what to do. Last week he went to Saturday school for hitting one of the aids and he was there from 8 am to 100pm becuase he refused to do his work. ONly until the teacher said well I guess I will see you SUnday did he start working. She said something about Sat school this time and he calm down real quick. But we just don't know how to get him to stop hitting! Any suggestions?

    thanks all in advance! Sorry for all the horrible spelling and english errors.

  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Have you read the Explosive Child by Ross Greene?

    He needs to learn FAST that hitting isn't acceptable. He's not hitting his brother yet, but if he doesn't figure out that it's going to blow up soon, he's going to take a poke.

    You're right: spanking doesn't work with our kids. In their eyes, "might makes right". If you use spanking, he's going to think that it's the way to make his point. Therefore, hitting is ok. AAAAGGGGHHHH! Don't you just <u>LOVE</u> the way they think!

    Try the book and see what happens. It doesn't hurt to give it a shot!

  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I think you have to work on the anger and frustration first. Figure out why he needs to be first. Perhaps if he can be first twice a week that will be sufficient for him? Maybe the aid can just not be so rigid and allow him to be first. What is the big deal? Do all the kids want to be first?
  4. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I think busywend has a good point & idea. I have the opposite problem here....my difficult child hits everyone in her path at home, never at school.
  5. Jere

    Jere New Member

    So I finally decided to go get "the explosive child" OMG! I think I totally understand him a bit more. I had concluded about a month ago that he was not doing this because he wanted to but he must really have lost control of himself inside. Like its a mental and physical thing not a I think i am going to screw up just cause I want to :censored2: everyone off thing. My son does go to a school which has a behaivor classroom, 6 kids in that class. Then he has a primary teacher. I don't know if they have read this book but I sent them an email to suggest it. I finally feel like I can move forward with this. I am going to star using those methods today! I think we will see some change in him real soon. My problem is his outburst are in school. Gosh he was just like some of those kids in the books. Hitting teachers and aids (never students) and running out of the classroom, destroying the class (not the primary one) but the behavior class. They do have a "safe" place for him almost a time out but I do not think it is working. The teacher just told me yesterday that she knows he is do all this for attention. HA! No he is not. I now he doesn't want to be in troble.

    On another note I tried the reward thing for this week. I told him if he did good all week that I would let him have a star wars figure that he has been wanting (I got it for him for christmas) but didn't have a problem giving it to him now if he had a good week. She said he was great until Thursday and Friday. Both those days he hit the aids. she even wanted me to come and get him on friday but i told her I could not. I can't be picking him up everything he gets out of control. They need to figure it out at school. last year his behaivor teacher (they just changed teachers this year) never called to pick me up and he told me he would never do that. they would get it under control. As a matter of fact he wasn't running out of the class by the end of the year! Now all of a sudden he is doing it again. Anyhow I have trailed off, sorry so long. My question is I think i gave him too much to work towards. I think 3 good days in a row was all that he could do. I kind of want to bend and give him the figure but as per that book hitting is a basket A. i know giving it to him and not giving it to him will not change his behaivor. Also it shows him that I can be flexiable. I know I probably answered my own question but what do you guys think.

    Sorry so long! Thanks!
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    If he's having these kinds of problems it's time to call an IEP meeting. Is there a behavioral intervention plan in place so both parents and school know exactly what the plan is should he hit or other behaviors?

    If he has ADHD, have medications been tried? If not, are you doing some intensive substitution for medications (diet, supplements, Occupational Therapist (OT) etc)?

    One week is way too long to wait for a reward if you are beginning to use an incentive program. Often schools will set up something based on one hour at a time. If you're doing something at home, you need to have daily reward in place that isn't going to be totally wiped out if he has a bad day and complete the week. For example, better to give him $1 at the end of every good day so at the end of 5 good days he can get the reward and not have the good days wiped from the slate simply because the weekend has arrived.

    Hang in there, keep reading.
  7. Jere

    Jere New Member

    Thanks! Yeah we have an IEP in place and had a meeting last week cause he again hit the aid. They decided that Saturday school be his punishment but thinking about it its well after the event! And well he did Sat school last week, it didn't work because he was hitting again on thursday and Friday...lol I just have to laugh sometimes because they just don't work. I have an appointment with the phy so i can try the medications and it was pushed back to the 27th. I have waited this long I am sure a few more weeks is not going to hurt. I thought about the school giving him the fake dollar and I would turn it into real money when he got home. Or they can use it and have some stuff he can buy daily. If he gets stuff daily he is usually pretty good. I just would love to stop running out of the class and hitting. If he leaves the class he should have a place that we know he will use and go. usually he takes off down the hall and they run after him. I almost say let him be. He will probably hid under a table. he did that at his last school and they couldn't find him for 15 mins! NO JOKE. I was a little upset. i am sure we will meet again next week to see how we can change our approach.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    For impulsive kids with little natural self control you have to
    keep the reward time in sight. For some a whole day is too long
    to wait to "see" their results.

    Congrats on reading the book and getting your education started
    with a super resource. Great work. DDD
  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'd encourage you to do some reading up on Functional Behavioral Analysis (FBA) and Behavioral Intervention Plans (BIP) and see if you can't get that worked into his IEP. It's a much broader approach.

    Incentive programs certainly might be a part of a plan, but in my opinion you need to be thinking beyond into what the triggers are, if he really is capable of the kind of impulse control that's being required of him, developing a plan so child, parent, and school all knows exactly what the plan is when he does hit.
  10. Jere

    Jere New Member

    SRL yeah we have the FBA and BIP in his IEP. He goes to a school that has a behavior classroom. There are 7 kids in that particular class. So we did all that at the beginning of the year. I think we will be modifing it somewhat after reading the book. I talked to his teacher too and suggested she read it. She said she would. i want to get the DVD for my husband and then let the school borrow it. It seems like it will help for all the kids. I know he is not the only kid that runs out of the class I am not sure about hitting but what they are doing is not working for any of the kids. I love his teacher but this is her first year in this class. So we all have lots to learn. Thanks for all the advice!