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Holiday Stress with Adult Children
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<blockquote data-quote="Weary Mother" data-source="post: 704785" data-attributes="member: 20487"><p>I just got back from Chicago, a wedding that was held in a beautiful church and the reception at the Medinah Country Club in Itasca Il. What beauty in contrast to the turmoil in my life!! I am not a material person, but to be in such a beautiful and wealthy place, and be experiencing such sadness and pain over my children and my mother took away from the experience. In Answer to Somewhere who says to hire a caregiver, we have tried to get her to do so, but she is an extreme hoarder, we have not been actually inside her house in about 4 years and she refuses to allow anyone else in either. I have taken her to her lawyer, who explained the penalties and processes of having the city involved in an unsafe property, a doctor who was no help in the matter and said he could do nothing and a family therapist who said that it is a disease and she is not incompetent but just suffering from a mental disorder. So I have no grounds to invoke a power of attorney and in the meantime she has been driving against the doctors orders (again doctor will not call the license bureau in fear of being sued). So yes I do have that on my plate against my wishes. Since my original email above, the daughter called saying her van has become unable to be driven, mechanical issues and no money to fix so job is in jeopardy as well as no money and rent due. This caused me panic and anxiety even if it shouldn't have. Over the weekend I just became overcome with grief over all these problems and thinking of how powerless I am over them. I understand all that everyone says here, how it is not my problem and all. But watching a wedding take place between 2 young people who did everything right, and who has all the benefits this world has to offer just made me realize all the more how many years my children have been acting out irresponsibly and how much I have missed and also how much grief I have in comparison to the parents of these 2 bright young people getting married under all the right conditions. Self pity? Some. Some is dread of the future for all of us. But mostly just grief over how impossible things seem and how hopeless I feel about the future for myself and both my adult children. Me for having to suffer watching them suffer by their own actions, them for most likely going to have a lot of pain because of the decisions they have made. I don't know yet how things will go for my daughter, she only sent a few texts and refused to call or have a phone conversation. She didn't actually say she did not want to talk, no she has other ways such as texting me that she can't talk as she is needing to shower and then after she gets all done she will call, which she does not normally do. So I sent a text back saying I hope she works things out and that is the last I have heard. I just do not understand how she thinks. I would think that if she were really in a bad spot she would tell me, but no. So I am taking it again a day at a time, and proceeding with Christmas with my boyfriend and his wonderful family. We always do Christmas eve at his home and it is always fun with lots of food and all the big Italian family he was born into. I used to feel bad that I spent time there instead of with my own but since I could not change it I kept going and now it is a really fun time. So, for now I hope this finds all of you doing well and thanks for all the input, I am doing the best I can and again welcome comments and advise since I do not have all the answers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Weary Mother, post: 704785, member: 20487"] I just got back from Chicago, a wedding that was held in a beautiful church and the reception at the Medinah Country Club in Itasca Il. What beauty in contrast to the turmoil in my life!! I am not a material person, but to be in such a beautiful and wealthy place, and be experiencing such sadness and pain over my children and my mother took away from the experience. In Answer to Somewhere who says to hire a caregiver, we have tried to get her to do so, but she is an extreme hoarder, we have not been actually inside her house in about 4 years and she refuses to allow anyone else in either. I have taken her to her lawyer, who explained the penalties and processes of having the city involved in an unsafe property, a doctor who was no help in the matter and said he could do nothing and a family therapist who said that it is a disease and she is not incompetent but just suffering from a mental disorder. So I have no grounds to invoke a power of attorney and in the meantime she has been driving against the doctors orders (again doctor will not call the license bureau in fear of being sued). So yes I do have that on my plate against my wishes. Since my original email above, the daughter called saying her van has become unable to be driven, mechanical issues and no money to fix so job is in jeopardy as well as no money and rent due. This caused me panic and anxiety even if it shouldn't have. Over the weekend I just became overcome with grief over all these problems and thinking of how powerless I am over them. I understand all that everyone says here, how it is not my problem and all. But watching a wedding take place between 2 young people who did everything right, and who has all the benefits this world has to offer just made me realize all the more how many years my children have been acting out irresponsibly and how much I have missed and also how much grief I have in comparison to the parents of these 2 bright young people getting married under all the right conditions. Self pity? Some. Some is dread of the future for all of us. But mostly just grief over how impossible things seem and how hopeless I feel about the future for myself and both my adult children. Me for having to suffer watching them suffer by their own actions, them for most likely going to have a lot of pain because of the decisions they have made. I don't know yet how things will go for my daughter, she only sent a few texts and refused to call or have a phone conversation. She didn't actually say she did not want to talk, no she has other ways such as texting me that she can't talk as she is needing to shower and then after she gets all done she will call, which she does not normally do. So I sent a text back saying I hope she works things out and that is the last I have heard. I just do not understand how she thinks. I would think that if she were really in a bad spot she would tell me, but no. So I am taking it again a day at a time, and proceeding with Christmas with my boyfriend and his wonderful family. We always do Christmas eve at his home and it is always fun with lots of food and all the big Italian family he was born into. I used to feel bad that I spent time there instead of with my own but since I could not change it I kept going and now it is a really fun time. So, for now I hope this finds all of you doing well and thanks for all the input, I am doing the best I can and again welcome comments and advise since I do not have all the answers. [/QUOTE]
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