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The Watercooler
Holidays & Trauma, Holding Both
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 673431" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My pain for the holidays I cannot even write. To try to do so brings feelings, almost that do not have words. </p><p></p><p>I am a person who has not had the apparent strength or loyalty or love to make the effort to be with my family, or such that I had was overridden by fear or mistrust or inconvenience, worst of all.</p><p></p><p>When I think about it, I believe my life has been a casualty of our times. Granddaughter of immigrants, all, our family experienced the fracturing that comes to the readjustment to a new culture and place. And I ran with the possibilities presented by the emancipation of women that I met when I left home, I ran away.</p><p></p><p>I believe that I was created emotionally to have stayed close in with my family. I cannot yet not feel the pain and the loss of it. I accept the why.</p><p></p><p>I am grateful to be with M and the craziness of<em> his</em> family. And my animals. There is no anticipation, as with some other families. Just wishing it would be over. </p><p></p><p>And the ever present awareness that I do not much enjoy being with my child, nor have I for a long time. Regardless of how the arrival to this day has played out.</p><p></p><p>My life seems to have been a series of goals and of losses. I do not anticipate that this will change. I accept it. I hope I end strong.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 673431, member: 18958"] My pain for the holidays I cannot even write. To try to do so brings feelings, almost that do not have words. I am a person who has not had the apparent strength or loyalty or love to make the effort to be with my family, or such that I had was overridden by fear or mistrust or inconvenience, worst of all. When I think about it, I believe my life has been a casualty of our times. Granddaughter of immigrants, all, our family experienced the fracturing that comes to the readjustment to a new culture and place. And I ran with the possibilities presented by the emancipation of women that I met when I left home, I ran away. I believe that I was created emotionally to have stayed close in with my family. I cannot yet not feel the pain and the loss of it. I accept the why. I am grateful to be with M and the craziness of[I] his[/I] family. And my animals. There is no anticipation, as with some other families. Just wishing it would be over. And the ever present awareness that I do not much enjoy being with my child, nor have I for a long time. Regardless of how the arrival to this day has played out. My life seems to have been a series of goals and of losses. I do not anticipate that this will change. I accept it. I hope I end strong. COPA [/QUOTE]
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